Zendaya in Peter Do
It's a miracle that she's pulling off fragments of competing garments that have been thrown together as one. This looks liek Carmen Sandiego's jammies.
Gwyneth
By comparison, Gwyneth arrived fresh out of f*cks to give.
Nicole Kidman
And Nicole looks like the insurance agent hired to attend so she could guard somebody's diamonds.
Natalie Portman in Dior
This is very beautiful, well-fitted, and also somehow a tiny bit of a bummer because it would have been amazing in a color. Having said that, if more of the OTHER cover stars had worn color and she hadn't just been one in a parade of the same, that probably wouldn't have bothered me.
ScarJo in Tom Ford
This dress looks fine; her eyes look like she chopped jalapeños and then rubbed her face.
Mindy Kaling in Oscar de la Renta
Okay, Mindy looks amazing. Those SLEEVES. So she did bring it, too.
Lena Waithe
And this is full of personality.
Charlize in Louis Vuitton
Whatever this is, truly it is one of the worst outfits she's worn AND one of the worst photographs of her in one.
Margot Robbie in Ralph Lauren
The cummerbund here with the skirt and the pockets just creates an awkward, dowdy shape.
Hunter and Joey King
Hunter is in Alaia, looking -- as I noted at the time -- like she's interested in playing Natalie Portman in the movie of her life. Joey is in Richard Quinn, and looks like a hot water bottle.
Bel Powley in Erdem
The shoes are distracting me, but the pattern is pretty -- it looks like something Rifle Paper Co. would sell as a notebook.
Tess Holliday
Did anyone even TRY to design this?
Issa Rae
I wish I liked the cut here.
Janet Mock
But I am VERY much here for long coats with suits.
Storm Reid in Ralph Lauren
This is a VERY successful attempt at being youthful from Ralph.
Zoey Deutch in Ralph
And that is perfect.
Jameela Jamil in Azzaro
This is a cute suit, but I'd have gone... strong lip OR strong eye, not both.
Diane Lane
I think her blouse is frowning.
Madelaine Petsch
I don't think I HAVE a second take on this, so I'm just going to quote myself: "And this feels like she bought it at the jazziest store in all of Naples, Florida. It might even have been called Jazzy.
Indya Moore in Ralph Lauren
That is a WHOLE LOT going on.
Hunter Schafer
Whereas this looks like Hunter has dressed as the blackout curtains that hang in the wings of a theatre to block backstage...
... WITH A TWIST.
Lake Bell in Monse
Reader, I shrieked, and laughed, and shriek-laughed.