Serena

Okay, let's go with the progression: Serena came out in a jacket over her gear, and with an adorably tiny child leading her to her chair. Her suit has the French words for mother, champion, queen, and goddess on it.

But the jacket might actually be more of a... warm-up blouse? I guess it's supposed to evoke a cape because she's a superhero. 

And then THAT came off, and what was left... totally did not fit. She looks like this whole thing shrank in the wash. It's just a mess, and I wish the outfit itself had the words on it, also. Maybe that much writing is also against the regulations for anything worn during actual match play?

Naomi Osaka

Naomi has this very strange pictoral ode to... tennis and treehouses?

Naomi Osaka

And it was also some kind of cropped sweater, which is bonkers to me. This photo contextualized for me that what I was seeing in the LAST one was her sports tank poking below it. Scroll back again and see how sloppy that is (the arrow keys on your computer are useful for this!).

This is what she's got underneath it: very simple, very boring, very drab, although at least it is not CONFUSING. (It's a big deal that she got permission to put other sponsor logos on her Nike garb, as well. She's apparently the first person to get that dispensation from them, AND she's going to get her own logo.)

Ajla Tomljanovic

Then we have this dress, which looks like... tropical fireworks. 

Daria Kasatkina

Or this, which is another very preppy two-piece, which of course also rode up on a lot of people.

Victoria Azarenka

And Vika here has a combination of the two, which is eye-searing to me. It's like ordering bathing-suit separates from Athleta and finding out they do NOT go together as promised.

Tommy Paul

And then WHAT IN THE WORLD.

Kyle Edmund

IT JUST KEEPS HAPPENING.

Juan Martin del Potro

And then Delpo's is like HALF of their stuff and half totally unique. The top and bottom do not go together. Shouldn't the shorts be that maroon color, or something? All this mix-and-match leads to WEIRD CHOICES.

Madison Keys

"This is why I insist on basic black, y'all." (Seriously, I need to go back and look at other slideshows to see if we're getting an unusual amount of midriff on the ladies this year. I can't imagine wanting to be distracted by whether my abs -- no matter how cut -- were all over the place.)

Vitalia Diatchenko

I MIGHT be able to get on board with the evil skull.

Kei Nishikori

Switching away from Nike, we have Nishikori here in a deliciously vibrant outfit. BLESS.

Rafa Nadal

"I also miss it. What a goof!"

Rafa's shoes

However, speaking of goofy, here are Rafa's trainers. They look like pop art.

Roger Federer

Roger's Uniqlo gear looks like it was inspired by Pottery Barn curtains. It's... fine? I really miss the RF logo.

I guess I downloaded extra Nadal. YOU'RE WELCOME.

Novak Djokovic

I like Djoker's orange, but something about the lines on his shirt and the angle of the photo make me think of a ribcage.

Cameron Norrie

This Ellesse shirt is nice and simple. CO-SIGNED

Johanna Konta

That's fine, too. Simple, stripey, not riding up

Garbine Muguruza

That skirt is legitimately cute. This whole thing might work, and even her racket matches.

Caroline Wozniacki

WOZ. Out already.

Feliciano Lopez

I love this. He looks like his own soccer team.

Elise Mertens

I can get with a zebra print.

Ashleigh Barty

That's also at least eye-catching, without being puzzling.

Kurumi Nara

A FUG NATIONAL AT HEART?!?

Aleksandra Krunic

I wish I had this whole outfit, but this is a much better angle on her magical ball-levitating powers.

Dan Evans

"Why does my shirt have this weird nipple-level awning? No one EVER consults me."

Domonika Cibulkova

"I don't even care if I get consulted. I just want the right SIZE."

I'm Not Loving the Nike French Open Outfits This Year

Ditto Federer's Uniqlo.