SMG in Balenciaga

This is all fine, and very stereotypically Posh Parisienne. She got off easy here, and I'm glad of it.

Barbara Palvin in Balenciaga

Girl, this is not your honeymoon.

Alessandra Ambrosio in Balenciaga

"Ma'am, you need to be clothed to eat at this restaurant." "Oh, great, I'll just grab a sweater."

Romeo Beckham

This is all very boring and generic

Vittoria Ceretti

It's hilarious that she's using bootaloons, I believe, to try and make these opaque. This is bonkers.

Emilia Jones in Balenciaga

She looks like she's the hot Formula 1 mechanic who gets a slow-motion entrance montage before she bends over an engine. (This movie will not pass the Bechdel test.)

Juyeon in Balenciaga

And he's the hot new innocent, rookie driver who'll win her heart while struggling with feet shaped like ping-pong paddles.

Dixie D'Amelio

I guess I don't know her face well enough, because I did not have a guess on who this was, which is unfortunate for her. I like the bag?

Naomi Ackie in Balenciaga

Well, it'd be comfortable for travel, anyway. Maybe she went straight to the airport.

Jessica Alba in Balenciaga

This is another outfit that says, "I'll come, but give me a very large coat that can hide your sins."

Tyra Banks

This is also unremarkable, except that Tyra appears to have fallen play to the bleached brows epidemic.

Tyra! Your face is your business card! Don't mess with the brows!

Soo Joo Park

On the plus side, it's pink, for a change. On the minus side... it's bootaleggings.

Adrien Brody in Lacoste

This feels like he's trying on an identity where he owns a yacht in Maine.

Taylor Zakhar Perez in Lacoste

It suits him better.

Adele Exarchopoulos

Her head-styling looks so downtrodden with this dramatic coat.

Claire Danes in Lacoste

What a DELIGHTFUL burst of color. Thank you, Claire.

Venus Williams in Lacoste

And she looks perfect. I miss you, Venus.

Joan Smalls in Ann Demeulemeester

I thought that was a diaper for a second, but I realized it's just the lip of her shirt hanging down over her pants. Still, not an illusion I'd ever have WANTED to create.

Sofia Carson in Elie Saab

She is amusingly costumey at almost all times, but the hat and gloves are pushing this a bit too far for me.

Leighton Meester in Elie Saab

The bangs are back, which is a shame, but LEIGHTON being back is something I am thrilled to see. This dress is fun on her, but I long for her Blair Waldorf hair with it. I'm not sure why. Fear of change!

Bella Thorne at Coperni

This is completely reasonable!

Ice Spice in Coperni

I guess we'll give whatever's under this the benefit of the doubt.

Peyton List in Nina Ricci

No benefit here! Of the doubt, or otherwise.

Caylee Cowan in Nina Ricci

Thankfully the polka-dots help this stand out against this dark room.

Diane Kruger in Nina Ricci

Diane was not so lucky, as her outfit basically fades into oblivion. She also overall looks unremarkable even in spite of a gigantic hat; that anyone can style THAT raw material into meh-dom is shocking.

DK with Kim Cattrall and Dianna Agron

This photo really cracks me up because Diane couldn't even really get in there, thanks to Planet Hat.

Balenciaga and Nina Ricci Dressed Their Front Rows Darkly

Well, I regret to inform you that Sarah Michelle Gellar has been sucked into the Balenciaga vortex. But at least I can also report that she does not look as ridiculous as a few of the other attendees, almost all of whom wore black and one of whom decided pants were optional. [Photos: Arnold Jerocki, Claudio Lavenia, Pierre Suu, Pascal Le Segretain, Jacopo Raule/Getty Images, Stephane Cardinale - Corbis/Corbis via Getty Images, Marc Piasecki/Wireimage]