Noomi Rapace in Givenchy

She is a walking Fu Manchu mustache. Also, I have never thought this before, but... Noomi Rapace here kind of looks like Lena Dunham's extremely stern older sister, who really disapproves of Lena's creative exploits and doesn't understand why she doesn't just marry a finance bro and sit on three boards of charities.

Naomi Campbell in Valentino

Meanwhile, Naomi is going through a Carol Channing phase.

Kat Graham in Balmain

Captain Breastplate, at your service.

Kat Graham

Here she looks like a Royal Ascot first-timer, who has NO IDEA how much she's going to spill all over herself in an hour.

Rita Ora in Escada

I feel like this was inspired by Mannequin's Hollywood Montrose.

Eva Longoria

This is a very picturesque "front row arrivals" shot -- all the Balmain ones were staged here, which is clever -- but the B heels stand for BOOO, as far as I'm concerned. (I was going to say BITCH PLEASE but I figured someone would think I was calling Eva a bitch rather than just generally eye-rolling a B-heel shoe.)

Olivia Culpo in Balmain

I don't completely understand where she falls in the celebrity world right now, but the girl can wear a thing.

Maisie Williams in Givenchy

Arya Stark took her ship west of Westeros, but ran low on supplies, so she had to become her own sail.

Maisie Williams in Thom Browne

Let us pray that this outfit is exactly as pictured, and that there were no unholy surprises. Because it's cute, right now.

Cole Sprouse in Thom Browne

He looks like the flight from Vancouver to Paris was indeed long.

Alexa Chung in Valentino

This works pretty well.

Sofia Carson in Valentino

And this works VERY well.

Kathryn Newton in Valentino

How many people do you think made cracks about looking for the Big Dipper, or asked whether Orion's Belt is holding up her pants?

Adele Exarchopoulos in Givenchy

How is this even a Givenchy thing, and not, like, Diesel?

Maria Sharapova in Givenchy

She looks uncomfortable in this. I might, also, if my belt were chained to something else

Hunter Schafer in Givenchy

Hunter is on Euphoria, and appears to have drawn on her own glasses.

Karen Elson in Givenchy

Ah. We've found relative sanity in a hopeless place.

Debby Ryan in Elie Saab

Honestly, at that point I might've just abandoned the bra. 

Debby Ryan in Balmain

Is this the SAME bra? It's more of a... half-corset, with high-waisted... nah, pass.

Debby Ryan

Thta's probably the best of the three outfits? Put that with the shoes from the first one and it's a hit.

Olgy Kurylenko

This, however, is stunning.

Cheryl

Cheryl No Surname is arriving at the L'Oreal show, in an outfit that is hilariously overdone considering that she promptly shed it to wear something else down the runway. Even the Hadids show up to work in jeans, kid.

Katherine Langford in Balmain

She looks nice, and I'm pleased to see her work some color into her life, but I do also STILL feel like she's dressing older than her 23 years.

Cindy Bruna in Balmain

If you ever have leftover waterproof sheeting...

Camila Cabello in Valentino

That's fine. Why not.

Amber Valletta in Valentino

Lovely.

Alexandra Shipp in Valentino

Very cute, but not with those booties.

Nathalie Emmanuel in Valentino

I wish for a different belt.

Kris Jenner in Balmain

ALERT. NOT EVERYONE LOOKS HOTTER IN SUNGLASSES. 

Front Row Report: Noomi, Naomi, Kat, and Rita

The Paris shows roll on.