Kourtney
Why wear a jumpsuit when you can wear A JUMPSUIT?
Kourtney
Just say no.
Kourtney
Just say HELL NO.
Kourtney
Just say ACCCCCCCKKKKK.
Kourtney
I was sitting across from her at this event. Brody Jenner was also there, and he chews gum and drinks wine AT THE SAME TIME. Just in case you were wondering. It was a very classy moment for everyone.
Kourtney
I didn't like it on Kristen Wiig, I don't like it here.
Kourtney and Kim
What's growing on Kourtney's skirt? It looks like pot holders made of fungus. Kim's dress also appears to be constructed primarily of fungus. Is there a fungus that starts with a K? Wikipedia directs me to "Kickxellomycotina", which includes the "Kickxellales," Apparently, the Kickxellales are not monophyletic. Just as I feel when confronted with the Kardashians, I DON'T KNOW WHAT ANY OF THAT MEANS.
Kim and Kourtney
Oh man. I can't even. It's a toss-up as to who looks more ridiculous. Kim looks like she's about to start selling Bob Marley CDs out of the back of her Town Car and Kourtney looks like she fell into The Golden Girls and can't get up.
Kim and Kourtney
Does Kim ALWAYS get to walk out of the door first? Wait. Now that I think about that, she actually probably does.
Kim
This is horrifying. The girl behind Kim and I are making the exact same skeptical face. This is what would happen if C3P0 had a baby with Princess L -- I can't even finish that sentence. I'm sorry. I can;t believe I even went there.
Kim
I don't know, you guys. Does she seem under-accessorized? Are thigh-high boots plus a giant bag plus a huge sunhat AT NIGHT plus a furry vest made from the pelt of the Wooly Mammoth (RIP) ENOUGH FOR ONE SMALL WOMAN? Because they might not be. She might also need, like, a sherpa and an elephant and a set of giant spangly bangles and a giant DirectTV dish stapled to her head.
Kim
She looks the way I feel on laundry day. AKA scuzzy, unkept, and like my shorts are creeping up between my thighs in a way that I will have to deal with surreptitiously on a semi-constant basis.
Kim
It IS helpful of her to pose next to her own Giant Cardboard Stand-up, so as to illustrate how Photoshopped that thing is.
Kim
These pants are friend to no woman. And also to no man. And perhaps also to no dog, and to no parakeet. I don't know the lives of these pants.
Kim
Kill me.
Kim and Khloe
I feel like Khloe was really inspired by USA's constant re-airrings of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves here. I can't even talk about Kim's skirt. I will note, however, that I secretly really like Khloe. Every time I'm at the gym, I get sucked into Khloe and Lamar, and I just want those two kids to make it. She is the only Kardashian with whom I would like to be stuck in an elevator.
Kim and Khloe
Here, it's like neither of them can stand to look at the other's ensemble. "IF I LOOK AWAY, IT'S NOT HAPPENING."
Kim and Khloe and Lamar and That Other One
Khloe looks cute; Kim looks like she has pulled her dress on over a full-body Spanx construction.
Kim, Khloe, Kourtney
I SERIOUSLY have seen Khloe wearing this to bed on Khloe and Lamar. Like, legitimately. She has gone out here in her lingerie.
Kim, Khloe, Kourtney
Oh, Kourtney. I had no idea your wardrobe was so Cracked Out Granny until, like, literally this exact moment. That is eye-blinding.
Khloe
Hey, Khloe? Constructing this slideshow was exhausting. Can you bring me a G & T? That's a dear.