Kim and Kanye
I was going to say, "Child, that is DUMB," and then I realized she is actually be-fetused in this photo, so the Kidye might erroneously think I am insulting it. Let me revise: Kim, this dress is one of your worst ideas in a long and florid history of poor critical thinking.
Kristen Stewart
This dress looks like it should be an anti-smoking ad. Which would be the only possible GOOD use of it, ever, in the world.
Kim and Kanye
Kanye's face says, "THE WHOLE POINT OF SHOPPING WAS TO BUY HER SOME BETTER TOPPING SO SHE'D QUIT BOOB-POPPING BUT FOR ALL MY CASH-DROPPING - AND THAT PRICE TAG WAS WHOPPING -- SHE IS NOT STOPPING AND NOW I HAVE TO CARRY THIS STUPID THING WHICH I PROMISE YOU LOOKED NICER THAN THIS. JUST PLEASE TRUST ME."
Kristen Stewart
Nothing is nicer than this. Oh, wait -- sorry, I meant EVERYTHING is nicer than this. I am sort of stunned Kim didn't wear it herself.
Kim Kardashian
Kristen's looked from behind like she sat in an oil slick; this one looks like the source of said slick.
Kristen Stewart
This dress is bad, full-stop. But it's even WORSE because it's, like, the zygote phase of something that might not have been. So in addition to disliking it, now I'm frosting that hate cake with dreams of how good she could've looked if that had been AN ACTUAL THING and not just a circus act.
Kim Kardashian
I think this is the type of thing you wear if you're in costume as Kim Kardashian. So I can't believe REAL Kim Kardashian went there.
Kristen Stewart
Speaking of "I can't believe she went there": THIS.
Kim Kardashian
I think she's in costume as an animal from Empire Strikes Back.
Kristen Stewart
I like this outfit less and less the more I'm forced to confront it. But one thing remains constant for me: I always finish my assessment with, "Whatever -- the shoes ruined it all anyway."
Kim Kardashian
The fact that this seems like a soothing moment of decent taste is a marker of just what a bad year Kim had.
Kristen Stewart
Bras don't need to happen this way.
Kim Kardashian
Dress over pants? Shirt over leather leggings? Nightmare On Leg Street? Whatever. Doesn't matter. It's wrong.
Kristen Stewart
This almost makes me miss the see-through stuff. ALMOST. Lord, Kristen, what gives?
Kim Kardashian
The sweet thing is, her theoretical daughter can wear this when she turns one.
Kristen Stewart
I kind of want to make this a micro-mini. It's at least INTERESTING, but it's also... she really, really needs to take a transparency vacation.
Kim Kardashian
Whereas this is just rags. She is rags and riches at the same time.
Kristen Stewart
In which Kristen Stewart erroneously believes "Hurricane Sandy Relief" is her intramural soccer team's plan to defend against its opponent's best player.
Kim Kardashian
I'm going to start a telethon for Babye Relief. It will raise no money and consist solely of people calling to leave messages for Kim that say, "PANTS WHAT."
Kristen Stewart
What's worse: Picking a bunch of tacky dresses, or trying to pick one that ostensibly isn't, and being completely unable to fit it or wear it properly?
Kim Kardashian
"What's everyone staring at? Haven't you seen hideous sleeves before?"
Kristen Stewart
It needed to be said again: (UNDER)PANTS WHAT?