Fug Madness 2013, Sweet Sixteen: Charo Bracket, part I

Elle Fanning

Let's begin with the shot heard 'round the world: This WHATEVER THAT IS and the oversize dentures strapped to Elle's feet.

Rihanna

And... the nips heard 'round the world.

Elle Fanning

This suit is hilarious. It's like Elle Fanning was briefly possessed by the spirit of James Brown.

Rihanna

Elle Fanning

Secretly I like this. But unsecretly, I hate the shoes. So much. She also wore them in another color another time, I think -- maybe they were the same ones. Either counts as a horrific re-run.

Rihanna

These aren't shoes, so much as Aspiring Pants.

Elle Fanning

Maybe if she'd belted it. Maybe. But when you look at the dress up-close, it reminds me of an unfinished needlepoint canvas. And the shoes are the kind of thing I LOVE looking at in a store because they're so STRANGE but I would never put them on my feet because they're fugly, they look uncomfortable, and I fear they might weigh twenty pounds.

Rihanna

And this is Rihanna's idea of shoes.

Elle Fanning

Those glasses are... They have happened to her face.

Rihanna

I am trying not to go with ALL the Naked Riri stuff to make it a TINY BIT less apples-to-oranges. This? Bad.

Elle Fanning

This is a screen grab from The Tonight Show, on which she wore a six-year old's First Communion dress. Yes, sure, it's actually probably age-appropriate, but it's also ENORMOUS. She looks like the world's cutest cotton ball.

Rihanna

Dear Elle Fanning: Thank you for never doing this.

Elle Fanning

Dear Elle Fanning: Colonel Sanders' estate is not thrilled that you did this. I almost wrote Colonel Mustard right there. His estate probably wouldn't love it either, although just purely on aesthetic reasons rather than Iconic Jauntyness Infringement.

Rihanna

It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-Ri.

Elle Fanning

Has someone written the YA novel that this costume desperately wants to inspire? If not, maybe we will. Although I feel like Charles Dickens may have covered it all already.

Rihanna

*shakes fist* STELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Elle Fanning

There's some stuff to like here, but what of the cardigan? What is it doing? How is it doing it? And why is a piece of lace strangling her?

Rihanna

I guess you CAN just put heels on with your pajamas and call them clothes.

Elle Fanning

I love her Mary Poppins carpetbag purse, but the netting over the white part of the dress... If someone THIS adorable can't make this trend rock, then NOBODY CAN. IT'S OFFICIAL.

Rihanna

Are these even clothes?