Jessie J

I vividly remember the first time I saw this. It was a mid-shot, so it just looked like a really bad pair of cut-offs. AND THEN. I am so glad thigh vents didn't catch on as a thing.

Rita Ora

I'm also glad vaginal harnesses haven't hit it big.

Jessie J

Oh, polterwang, catsuits always make you rear your phantom head. When will the ladies learn?

Rita Ora

This is like wearable hypnosis.

Jessie J

It's... a wearable illustration of plate tectonics?

Rita Ora

It's the Bieber shoes that really sell it. Maybe she should date HIM next.

Jessie J

I'm starting to think she is the Rihanna of the UK. Well, in terms of a penchant for one-legged catsuits, anyway.

Jessie J, Rita Ora

From catsuits, to ACTUAL CATS. I actually LOVE Jessie J's jacket, but if I wanted to be stared down or menaced by a housepet, I would get one.

Rita Ora

Remember THIS? I actually didn't. I found it by accident. WELCOME TO THE MADNESS, Heretofore Forgotten Cleav Parade.

Jessie J

What kind of gym IS this?

Rita Ora, Jessie J

Aw, look -- like Rihanna, they both tried to make clothes out of PJs.

Rita Ora

I THINK that coat goes all the way down.

Jessie J

Speaking of undergarments. Perhaps we wouldn't be looking at them if she were wearing a proper OVERgarment.

Rita Ora

But not THIS overgarment. Those pants can die. And take the shoes with them.

Jessie J

Nor this one, perhaps, mostly because I'm THOROUGHLY confused by what it even IS.

Rita Ora, Jessie J

Twinsies! Sort of. Basically, we can see both their undergarments.

Jessie J

Here is some attempted formalwear. What you can't see in this photo is that there's a very strange metallic piece right on the skin on her torso. It's incredibly confusing. Also, how high can a skirt slit go before it's officially just an unfinished skirt?

Rita Ora

WHOA.

Jessie J

Yes, please keep them crossed. I'm scared.

Rita Ora

Physics: defied.

Jessie J

FOR THE QUEEN? REALLY?!? I mean, I guess it could've been worse - it could've been almost ANYTHING ELSE in this slideshow. Then again, maybe QEII is just tickled by a proper catsuit. I don't know her life.

Rita Ora

I don't even understand what this is made of -- I am pretty sure it's one of those things fancy reception halls puts over tables underneath the actual linens they want people to see.

Jessie J

Sigh.

Rita Ora

This is more than a train wreck. It's like three train wrecks happening in three different places.

Jessie J

Nice bra. By which I mean, IT'S NOT EVEN A VERY NICE BRA. If you're going to show it, then make it good.

Rita Ora

Bikini overalls?

Jessie J

I hope she wore sunscreen on her legs.

Rita Ora

This puts the "dismal" in "Disney." I think it's about time we peace out of this mofo and vote for -- or against, as it were -- one of these ladies.

Fug Madness 2013, Sweet Sixteen: Cher Bracket, Part I

(1) RITA ORA vs. (4) JESSIE J Both of these women have faced the question, "But who the hell IS she?" Both are musicians who became popular in the UK, and both have struggled to catch on in the U.S.(although I will never forget the time MTV hired Jessie J to sing them in and out of commercials at the VMAs, but then she broke her foot and had to do it from a throne. It was kind of amazing). And both have dabbled in various aspects of U.S. pop culture that you might not have expected: One dated a Kardashian and then got the hell out of that game as fast as she could; the other co-wrote Miley Cyrus's "Party In The U.S.A." Which I almost typed as "Panty in the U.S.A.," which brings us back on topic to the matchup. I apologize for the length, but there are SO MANY GEMS, and it truly impressed me how evenly matched they are. Please peruse their various crimes against themselves [Archives: Rita Ora, Jessie J] and then let us know the answer to the eternal question: poll by twiigs.com