Kim Kardashian's Custom Purse

The simple fact that Bag exists never gets LESS insane to me. LOOK AT THIS THING THAT SOMEONE DELIBERATELY MADE AND WHICH KANYE PAID FOR AND THEN MADE KIM CARRY. HOW DO ALL THOSE STEPS HAPPEN WITHOUT ANYONE STOPPING AND SAYING, "OH WAIT LOOK AT THIS SATANIC MONSTER BAG"?

Pharrell Williams' hat

And here is Hat, on its red pillow. While Hat is not fresh from the devil's womb, it's an accessory that -- when it comes right down to it -- is ridiculous. It looks nuts on Pharrell. It is AMUSING, but it's getting a lot of hipster street cred that we contend it does not actually deserve, and that the joke is on those who wish to imitate it, because unless you're a Mountie or you're preventing forest fires or something, it's not going to work.

Kim Kardashian

Let's see Bag in action. ... And indeed, this was the ONLY time we saw Bag in action, because Kim was not krazy enough to karry it more than once and we're pretty sure that time was under duress. Bag is rotting in a closet somewhere right now, but boy, is that ever a relief. Poor Bag. It didn't ask to be ruined.

Pharrell Williams

Hat, however, keeps getting worn and worn and worn. It's amusing, it's goofy, it's attention-grabbing, but Hat also makes his head look the size of a pea yet people want to let it take over the world. Unless there is a Roast Beef and Cheddar and some curly fries up inside it then I'm not sure the world should embrace it. (Fun fact: Arby's DID buy Hat, or one of them, in a charity auction.)

Fug Madness 2014: Play-In Game #2

They were the two most talked-about accessories of the year, each absurd in their own special ways. Yes, it's here: Hat vs. Bag, for the right to take on the walking accessory that is Lady Gaga. Pharrell WEARING Hat is eligible on his own; we're just, here, talking about the simple existential fuggery of Bag and Hat, which may also be a children's book that I write someday: The Fugular Adventures of Bag and Hat. If you need it, here's your printable bracket, and here is your FAQ, and here's the first play-in game, in case you missed it. [poll id="12139"]