Kim Kardashian
Let's begin with the top seed herself, who not only agreed to wear this in public, but married the man who created it and earmarked it for her. SO MANY different ways to question her own judgment there.
Kim Kardashian
This looks like some kind of insane, terrifying maternity jumpsuit that she mistakenly thought was her normal size.
Kim Kardashian
What do we think costs more: real moth infestations, or this illusion of one?
Kim Kardashian
If no other photo of herself causes Kim to wonder about her choices, this one surely MUST. What are you wearing, and what have you inflicted upon your child? Should you two be licensed to raise one of those?
Kim Kardashian
I imagine these as lounging pajamas, worn with marabou slippers that have high heels, in which she teeters down a hallway after a pouting Kanye and tries not to spill her martini.
Kim Kardashian
What an inventive idea OH WAIT.
Kim Kardashian
That shirt actually IS a creative and newfangled approach to hideousness.
Kim Kardashian
As is this one, which is something she wears repeatedly, but usually at least UNDER some modicum of SOMETHING.
Kim Kardashian
At Bonnaroo with her bonnaroos.
Kim Kardashian
Just... the worst. Profoundly terrible.
Kim Kardashian
We might be in the "it can't get worse, can it... YES IT CAN" stretch.
Kim Kardashian
I judged this the worse of the two plastic dresses, but you might disagree.
Kim Kardashian
What is this even doing to her? And how?
Kim Kardashian
SO SEVERE.
Kim Kardashian
Kim. YOU ARE AT A RESTAURANT. AND YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ON THE MENU.
Jennifer Lopez
Julianne Moore wears a lot of Tom Ford. And sometimes I wonder if Julianne looks at the stuff Tom Ford gives other people, and gleefully wonders if he hates them, and then gets nervous and wonders if her time is coming.
Jennifer Lopez
2014: The Year of the Gownpant.
Jennifer Lopez
Freaking unbelievable bod; absurd covering.
Jennifer Lopez
Ditto.
Jennifer Lopez
Here's her take on a straitjacket. It's true that J.Lo would ONLY go to the most posh and expensive of asylums.
Jennifer Lopez
I laugh out loud at those pants every single time.
Jennifer Lopez
And what are these? Is she a drum major in Fugrida State University's marching band?
Jennifer Lopez
Kim and Kanye had to cross THAT one off their shopping list.
Jennifer Lopez
THESE PANTS.
Jennifer Lopez
AND THESE PANTS.
Jennifer Lopez
The preceding kind of make THESE pants seem really relaxed and great.
Jennifer Lopez
But nothing can make sense of armpit vents. I mean... I guess just calling them "armpit vents" gives them a reason for being, but its still bananas.
Jennifer Lopez
J.Lo is unafraid to go Full Kardashian with her cleavage.
Jennifer Lopez
This is what she will wear if she and Kim ever have to face off in Oz.
Jennifer Lopez
And, Leg City, population: HOLA LOVERS.