The Duchess of Cambridge in Hobbs and Jenny Packham
I won't lie: I STRONGLY DISLIKE THIS. It is, I think, her biggest miss to date -- an unusually clumsy pairing of top and skirt and clunky belt. NONE of them play well together; it looks like it was assembled by an amateur stylist on a limited budget for a reality game show. I think it's great that Kate likes to mix high and low, but... I've decided George spit up all over the coordinating Packham top, and she had to throw a Hail Mary.
The Duchess of Cambridge
This Packham did not do much for me, either. (At the show in Februrary, Jenny P had a list on each seat of celebs in her dresses, and this was the outfit she bragged about on Kate, and like... milady, this is NOT the one to feature. CLEARLY you show the teal one.) What throws me off here is the skirt. I can't remember if it was originally that way, or of this this a clumsy patch because One Can't Show One's Thigh. It certainly reads like the latter, and I think without it, this would've been prettier.
The Duchess of Cambridge
I appreciated her taking this risk -- she almost NEVER does anything this unusual -- but I personally wanted to take this risk straight back to the store. I might be alone in that, but whatever. I will be alone with a lot of wine.
The Duchess of Cambridge
I did not like this Roksanda Ilincic at all -- it looks rumpled and baggy and poorly cinched, and THOSE SHOES. Honestly, the footwear is the crux of her campaign here. I'm sure she's in a pickle sometimes because One Also Doesn't Want To Make One's Feet A Focal Point, but: They're going to be ANYWAY, so One Might As Well Trick Out One's Stems With Worthy Eye Candy.
The Duchess of Cambridge
I mean, that coat is GLORIOUS and the shoe color looks like sadness.
The Duchess of Cambridge
Chipper coat and nice color underneath it. And then. The feet. Flames. On the side of my face.
The Duchess of Cambridge
Honestly, even white pumps would have looked better with this.
The Duchess of Cambridge
This is a nod to her tendency to belt coats with very skinny things. It is not my favorite.
The Duchess of Cambridge
The pockets on this are just too high, right? In an awkward way? Thank God everyone is really just staring at the giant inflatable duck.
amal-alamuddin-clooney-FFN_Alamuddin_Amal_FFUK_exc_061314_51450735-510x691
Speaking of giant inflatable ducks! Just kidding. This is to prove that both Amal and Kate have extremely questionable taste in shoes.
Amal Alamuddin
Those heels look SO MUCH like the armrests on my office chair. I'm sure that's what I said the first time around, and I stand by that.
Amal Alamuddin
AND. The gloves. The Globes gloves. Say that five times fast. It was hard enough to type it once. Anyway, I thought these didn't work. They ended up looking prom rather than posh; glaring rather than gorgeous. I concur with Fug Nation's en masse assessment that the bunchy nature of the gloves is really what hurts it.
Amal Alamuddin
This Dolce & Gabbana was her first red carpet appearance with Clooney and it is riding WAY low on her. I also wish she hadn't worn black for BOTH outings. The Globes Dior was better, but it also kind of looked like this bodice with a pageant sash built in.
Amal Alamuddin
No, this is not Vanessa Hudgens.
Amal Alamuddin
She also displayed an unwavering commitment to the mullet dress this year, always while climbing into and out of a boat. It made for some dramatic visuals, but it came off a bit more Amateur Model at Cannes to me, if we're being honest.
Amal Alamuddin in Giambattista Valli
And this was just... A beautiful idea with a RIDICULOUS skirt. Her legs are unimpeachable, but COME ON.
Amal Alamuddin
IT IS SO SHORT.
Amal Alamuddin
I mean, how much is LEFT that I'm NOT seeing? Also I only just noticed how much the skirt looks like an ornate cocktail umbrella.
So, on one hand, we have royalty whose small number of missteps is made worse by a MASSIVE footwear rut; on the other, pseudo-royalty who whipsawed between Stuffy Society Matron and the Mayor of Crotchtown. Which one should advance?