Charli XCX
We begin with Charli, in an outfit she picked to look as '80s as possible. Fairly safe to say she succeeded. Although let's also be fair: If she'd shown up wearing this in the '80s, we'd have laughed about as hard. Crazy is crazy.
Miley Cyrus
I assume Miley is aware that this is also a costume.
Chari XCX
Pure, hideous kitsch.
Miley Cyrus
Ditto.
Charli XCX
The pattern on this is... truly bewildering. Also, is that some kind of yellow temporary tattoo under her chin?
Miley Cyrus
Miley's take on separates, including truly dastardly footwear.
Charli XCX
And, DITTO. It's almost like I arranged these slides in a certain order on purpose!!!!!!!
Miley Cyrus
Please someone tell me her stint as an accessories designer (for Jeremy Scott, but still) is over. We don't need to live through this stuff again.
Charli XCX
Charli is still stuck on the awful shoes thing. Charli, we've moved on. Come up with another trick please.
Miley Cyrus
I believe this is called "giving up."
Charli XCX
Here, Charli has opted for a kitschy love song to lipstick.
Miley Cyrus
Whereas this might be a kitschy love song to kitsch.
Charli XCX
ACK.
Miley Cyrus
SWEAT DROPS.
Charli XCX
Christina Hendricks would totally wear this if it hit her, like, right at the ankle bone.
Miley Cyrus
Christina Hendricks would NEVER wear this, though, which might be why she is unlikely to go all the way in Fug Madness anytime soon.
Charli XCX
This has to be by the same person as the other dress we just saw her in, right? The fabric is pretty similar, although this version is more panty-oriented.
MIley Cyrus
People really need to be careful where they leave their scissors. ANYONE could pick them up.
Charli XCX
Hey there, C-3PUgh.
Miley Cyrus
It's not even a GOOD tube top. It's a POORLY FOLDED tube top. Let us not let our tube top standards sink to... oh never mind.
Charli XCX
Has anyone made the "more like Charli XXX" joke yet? I guess I just did.
Miley Cyrus
And Miley, of course, wants us all to see her boob pasties.
Charli XCX
Charli apparently forgot hers so she stuck them on the outside of her dress. Also, let us marvel anew that THIS IS SOLD AS A WEDDING DRESS BY BETSEY JOHNSON WHAAAAAAAAT.
[Warning: Next slide NSFW]
Miley Cyrus
Remember when I said she wanted you to see the boob pasties? I meant it. (And for the record, that's not a rash on her neck; it's glitter.) These two women might be each other's soulmates. But for now, one has to gut the other. WHO WILL WIN?