Heidi Klum
This is a powerful opening. In a minute, she's going to skip through a field and then stare into a camera while a disembodied voice reads off side effects of herpes medication.
Jaime King
The thing about both these women is that they sell it. Because they're models. No matter what they're wearing, they act like it's their favorite thing in the world, and that goes a long way (ahem, Mara sisters) toward... well, if not making me like it, then at least landing yourself in Noted Kook territory, which IS where this outfit clearly wants to live.
Heidi Klum
This looks like it was designed with pipe cleaners and dryer lint.
Jaime King
This was for the sauciest Mime School Prom ever.
Heidi Klum
Which has been buffed and polished more energetically: The sun embellishments or her skin?
Jaime King
This is SO Coachella, except that at actual Coachella someone would wear this with bare legs.
Heidi Klum
I guess she got bored of decoupaging.
Jaime King
The mysteries of this garment will, I believe, remain unsolved for eternity.
Heidi Klum
Come winter she can pluck it and decorate her Christmas tree.
Jaime King
Monse strikes again.
Heidi Klum
Every single thing about this hides her light under the proverbial bushel.
Jaime King
That Josie Pye. Always trying to tempt Gilbert Blythe away from Anne.
Heidi Klum
I actually like this dress. but I do think it's wearing her rather than the other way around. Her styling seems too daytime.
Jaime King
She's in Vegas, which feels right.
Heidi Klum
This looks like someone sabotaged a Project Runway business-casual challenge.
Jaime King
The bratwurst truck at Coachella is going to be SO popular this year.
Heidi Klum
This is being horribly unfair to her body.
Jaime King
This is being horribly unfair to basketball nets.
Heidi Klum
I think this is actual lingerie with a matching throw.
Jaime King
It's well-documented by now what I think of this dress.
Heidi Klum
What has transpired in the life of those pants?
Jaime King
This line of Balmain stuff always looked like the skirts were a half-size too small. This color palette also looks like a factory accident.
Heidi Klum
And now, Heidi's biggest gun, the dress that has everybody running AWAY from Sesame Street.
Jaime King
And, the custom Monse with the drooping sleeves. She looks like she's strapped to a chair cover from a wedding.
This one is TOUGH. Those last two closing statements are of equivalent potency.