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Kelly Rowland

Mandatory Credit: Photo by MediaPunch/Shutterstock (10510384dk) Kelly Rowland Miss America, Uncasville, USA - 19 Dec 2019 Wearing Georges Hobeika Same Outfit as Catwalk Model *10326633aw

The first time she wore this, I was grateful because it provided content during the pre-Christmas quiet time. Now, I am grateful again, because she's giving us Fug Madness content during this quiet pre-curve-flattening period. 

Kelly Rowland

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - JANUARY 25: Kelly Rowland attends 2020 Roc Nation THE BRUNCH on January 25, 2020 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Kevin Mazur/Getty Images for Roc Nation)

Truly, both of these contestants are blessed with such physical beauty, and such STRANGE sartorial taste.

Kelly Rowland

Mandatory Credit: Photo by AFF-USA/REX/Shutterstock (10191358ag) Kelly Rowland 'Little' Hollywood Premiere, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 08 Apr 2019

What really makes me laugh about this, aside from joking that she's in costume as Brooks and/or Dunn, is seeing that her boobs do appear to have been taped high and tight into that blazer.

Kelly Rowland

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Chelsea Lauren/Shutterstock (10493574bu) Kelly Rowland 'Jumanji: The Next Level' film premiere, Arrivals, TCL Chinese Theatre, Los Angeles, USA - 09 Dec 2019

I want a do-over on so many parts of this.

Kelly Rowland

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Willy Sanjuan/Picturegroup/REX/Shutterstock (10266454ax) Kelly Rowland Wearable Art Gala, Arrivals, Barker Hangar, Santa Monica, Los Angeles - 01 Jun 2019

This was to a wearable art gala, so it was intentionally crazy; then again, so is a lot of stuff from the Met, and that's still eligible, so. I do think those leg sheaths are the main reason she made it this far. Can they take down Dascha? 

Dascha Polanco

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Stephen Lovekin/REX/Shutterstock (10241923ed) Dascha Polanco 'When They See Us' TV show premiere, Arrivals, Apollo Theater, New York, USA - 20 May 2019

Because this was NOT for a wearable art gala. And not for the Met. This was for the When They See Us premiere, and... I mean, we DID see her, so. 

Dascha Polanco

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Stephen Lovekin/REX/Shutterstock (10241923dy) Dascha Polanco 'When They See Us' TV show premiere, Arrivals, Apollo Theater, New York, USA - 20 May 2019

The side view is important.

Dascha Polanco

, New York, NY - 20190910- Arrivals at Rihanna's second annual Savage X Fenty Show at Barclay's Center in Brooklyn. -PICTURED: Dascha Polanco -PHOTO by: Media Punch/INSTARimages.com This is an editorial, rights-managed image. Please contact Instar Images LLC for licensing fee and rights information at sales@instarimages.com or call +1 212 414 0207 This image may not be published in any way that is, or might be deemed to be, defamatory, libelous, pornographic, or obscene. Please consult our sales department for any clarification needed prior to publication and use. Instar Images LLC reserves the right to pursue unauthorized users of this material. If you are in violation of our intellectual property rights or copyright you may be liable for damages, loss of income, any profits you derive from the unauthorized use of this material and, where appropriate, the cost of collection and/or any statutory damages awarded

This was ALSO not for a wearable art gala of any kind; it was to a Fenty fashion show. I hope no one sat behind her.

Dascha Polanco

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - SEPTEMBER 05: Dascha Polanco attends the Vanity Fair's 2019 Best Dressed List at L'Avenue on September 05, 2019 in New York City. (Photo by Jim Spellman/Getty Images)

This? The Vanity Fair Best-Dressed Party, baby. OH THE IRONY.

Dascha Polanco

- New York - NY - 20190910 - Klarna STYLE360 NYFW Hosts S by Serena Williams Runway Show Metropolitan West, NY - Kim Kardashian - Janet Mayer/Startraksphoto.com - - This is an editorial, rights-managed image. Please contact INSTAR Images for licensing fee and rights information at sales@instarimages.com or call +1 212 414 0207. This image may not be published in any way that is, or might be deemed to be, defamatory, libelous, pornographic, or obscene. Please consult our sales department for any clarification needed prior to publication and use. INSTAR Images reserves the right to pursue unauthorized users of this material. If you are in violation of our intellectual property rights or copyright you may be liable for damages, loss of income, any profits you derive from the unauthorized use of this material and, where appropriate, the cost of collection and/or any statutory damages awarded

Oh my.

Dascha Polanco

-New York, NY - 20190906-The Worldwide Editors of Harper`s Bazaar Celebrate -PICTURED: Guest -PHOTO by: JOHN NACION/startraksphoto.com This is an editorial, rights-managed image. Please contact Startraks Photo for licensing fee and rights information at sales@startraksphoto.com or call +1 212 414 9464 This image may not be published in any way that is, or might be deemed to be, defamatory, libelous, pornographic, or obscene. Please consult our sales department for any clarification needed prior to publication and use. Startraks Photo reserves the right to pursue unauthorized users of this material. If you are in violation of our intellectual property rights or copyright you may be liable for damages, loss of income, any profits you derive from the unauthorized use of this material and, where appropriate, the cost of collection and/or any statutory damages awarded

This photo always makes me wonder if she was annoyed by the feathers in her hat all night. They look like they're blocking her eyes.

Dascha Polanco

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - AUGUST 16: BACARDI and Dascha Polanco celebrate National Rum Day on August 16, 2019 in New York City. (Photo by Noam Galai/Getty Images for BACARDI)

Is she on a jungle cruise?

Dascha Polanco

71st Emmy Awards (2019) Arrivals held at the Microsoft Theatre in Los Angeles, California. Featuring: Dascha Polanco Where: Los Angeles, California, United States When: 22 Sep 2019 Credit: Adriana M. Barraza/WENN.com

Is she at swim lessons?

Dascha Polanco

NEW YORK, NY - SEPTEMBER 05: Actress Dascha Polanco is seen arriving to ELLE, Women in Music presented by Spotify and hosted by Nina Garcia, Jameela Jamil & E! Entertainment on September 05, 2019 in New York City. (Photo by Gilbert Carrasquillo/GC Images)

Is she ANYWHERE that this would be a good idea? (No.)

Dascha Polanco

Mandatory Credit: Photo by John Photography/Shutterstock (10390366as) Dascha Polanco E! Entertainment, ELLE and IMG kick-off party, Arrivals, New York Fashion Week, USA - 04 Sep 2019

That's not a great excuse.

Fug Madness 2020: Dascha Polanco vs. Kelly Rowland
[photoembed id="1251861" size="full_width" alignment="center" text="" zoom="off"] Kelly's game is straightforward: a steady stream of fastballs over the plate, say. Reliable, but also deadly. Dascha, conversely, deploys a wide array of them to paint every corner of the plate, whipping you into a frenzied confusion. Whose stuff can outwit, outplay, outmatch the other? Or in other words: [poll id="13113"]

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