Vanessa Hudgens
These are the pants that started it all -- or, if not started, then cemented. Once she trotted out in this outfit, we knew she was in this sucker for the crown. Which looks like a jester's cap, but is made of leggings.
Kourtney Kardashian
I kannot get over how bad those pants are, and they are just one fraction of the whole outfit. They anchor the awfulness.
Vanessa Hudgens
I wish these pants had anchored this outfit someplace way offshore, so that pirates could have attacked it in international waters.
Kourtney Kardashian
Kan't these people afford stuff that fits?
Vanessa Hudgens
Can't this girl afford stuff that's whole?
Kourtney Kardashian
Kan't this girl afford stuff that isn't this?
Vanessa Hudgens
Recently I was referring to Kourtney as a Kaftandashian, and so I just wanted you to know that Vanessa can come to play in that arena also.
Kourtney Kardashian
Even Kourtney kan't get over what Kim is wearing here -- perhaps that's why she wasn't able to see the issues with her own outfit. She went Fug Blind.
Vanessa Hudgens
These are kind of... the caftan of pants.
Kourtney Kardashian
That's just a kaftan of kaftans.
Vanessa Hudgens
And here we have more of The Britney Period. Missing is the Cheeto dust and visible thing, but give her time.
Kourtney Kardashian
I wish she would puff that thing up a touch more and then fly around the world in it in 80 days. Take 180, actually, Kourtney. We need the break.
Vanessa Hudgens
Moths: The silent killer.
Kourtney Kardashian
Every cater waiter in America right now is like, "Thank you. I appreciate my uniform so much more now that I know what it could have looked like."
Vanessa Hudgens
Should've worn pants, child.
Kourtney Kardashian
REALLY should have worn pants. That is a BLOUSE. TIGHTS ARE NOT PANTS.
Vanessa Hudgens
Is she wearing a fringed reptilian print robe over a DIFFERENT reptilian printed romper? WITH THAT HEADBAND? WHY DID I EVEN TAKE CAPS LOCK OFF?
Kourtney Kardashian
OOPS I THINK IT HEARD ME.
Vanessa Hudgens
I would say this girl has a particular problem with accessories -- TIGHTS ARE NOT SOCKS, EITHER -- but in fact, that is just one part of her mighty fugberg.
Kourtney Kardashian
Oh, Kourtney. The sad thing is, I've seen a number of people wearing this dress since, and it is no better on any of them. But if you start the trend then I'm going to hold you accountable, so J'ACCUSE, KOURTNEY.
Vanessa Hudgens
Not to be outdone, Vanessa here has gone simultaneously short and long as well.
Kourtney Kardashian
And Kourtney has gone simultaneously bonkers and WTF.
Vanessa Hudgens
And Vanessa has gone all Shortswetter McCrotch. (Seriously, Austin Butler, could you not have told her that the wash on those things makes it look like her bladder exploded in the car? Unless it DID, in which case, couldn't you have told her that her bladder exploded in the car? Unless you DID, in which case, couldn't you have locked her in the car?)
Kourtney Kardashian
That skirt looks like she got needlebombed at a quilting bee.
Vanessa Hudgens
This reminds me of these old house ads we used to run in our college paper that said, "If you see news happen, call The Observer at [whatever the hell the number was]." Except this is, "If you see Newsies happen," and the guy in the background is calling the fashion police. ... Yes, my batphone just rang. Excuse me. Must dash.