Fug Madness Sweet 16: Halsey vs. Tove Lo

Halsey

52253906 Celebrities attend the Billboard Women In Music 2016 on December 9, 2016 in New York City. Celebrities attend the Billboard Women In Music 2016 on December 9, 2016 in New York City. People: Halsey FameFlynet, Inc - Beverly Hills, CA, USA - +1 (310) 505-9876 RESTRICTIONS APPLY: NO FRANCE

Poor Halsey. That old Mummy costume just did NOT hold up for a second wearing.

Here she is at the Met Gala, in fairness, looking pretty cool all things considered. The shoes remind me of orthopedic slip-ons my grandfather wore, though, and I can't tell if she's mixing white and cream, or white and ELECTRIC WHITE.

LOS ANGELES, CA - FEBRUARY 12: Singer Halsey attends The 59th GRAMMY Awards at STAPLES Center on February 12, 2017 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images for NARAS)

Here, she is mixing blazers and capes.

And here, she's mixing Kardashians and... more Kardashians.

Suddenly, this looks VERY refreshing.

52018717 The 2016 MTV Movie Awards held at Warner Bros Studios in Burbank, California on 4/9/16. The 2016 MTV Movie Awards held at Warner Bros Studios in Burbank, California on 4/9/16. Halsey FameFlynet, Inc - Beverly Hills, CA, USA - +1 (310) 505-9876

She REALLY loves a bra top. Also, I think if the jacket is longer than anything you've worn UNDER the jacket, you are in error.

She ONLY wore this to present (not to perform, but also not on the red carpet), and... here's the thing. We've all found ourselves secretly liking a see-through dress here and there, because some aspect of it is pretty or flattering. This is NEITHER of those things.

Is that jacket MEANT to be an outfit all on its own?

Are these pajamas MEANT to be taped to her boobs and worn as outerwear?

LOS ANGELES, CA - FEBRUARY 11: Singer Halsey attends Pre-GRAMMY Gala and Salute to Industry Icons Honoring Debra Lee at The Beverly Hilton on February 11, 2017 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images)

Well, I'll give credit for this: I am actively staring at the enlarged version of this, trying to figure out WHAT IT EVEN IS and how it fits together.

52021145 The Huntsman Winter's War Premiere held at Regency Village Theatre in Westwood, California on 4/11/16. The Huntsman Winter's War Premiere held at Regency Village Theatre in Westwood, California on 4/11/16. Halsey FameFlynet, Inc - Beverly Hills, CA, USA - +1 (310) 505-9876

Okay, this is one of those see-through dresses I was referencing earlier: There's so much beauty here that I'm not entirely mad at it, even though sheers in GENERAL need to go away FAR FAR AWAY.

LOS ANGELES, CA - FEBRUARY 09: Singer Halsey performs onstage at the Delta Air Lines official Grammy event featuring private performance and interactive evening with Halsey at Beauty & Essex, adjacent to the new Dream Hollywood to celebrate the 59th Annual GRAMMY Awards on February 9, 2017 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Rich Polk/Getty Images for Delta Air Lines)

This, however...

LOS ANGELES, CA - FEBRUARY 02: Singer Halsey attends the premiere of Universal Pictures' 'Fifty Shades Darker' at The Theatre at Ace Hotel on February 2, 2017 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images)

And then this. She can only face Emily Ratajkowski if there is a big surprise and both make it to the finals, so we may not -- realistically -- see Boob Strap vs Boob Strap. The fact that we EVEN THEORETICALLY COULD is sad enough. And now, let us move on to Tove Lo.

Tove Lo

This is godawful. Let's not pull any punches.

I can't. I get SO FIXATED on the bit that looks like it's being extruded from her abdomen.

This one seems normal from this angle; you have to see the full frontal to get how weird it is. The sleeve is gigangic and the shoulder is folded down. It's... a lot of regrets.

ROSEMONT, IL - DECEMBER 14: Tove Lo attends 103.5 KISS FM's Jingle Ball 2016 at Allstate Arena on December 14, 2016 in Rosemont, Illinois. (Photo by Tasos Katopodis/Getty Images for iHeart)

Overall, Tove Lo was more casual than Halsey. This was not necessarily a benefit.

NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 25: Singerd Tove Lo attends Elvis Duran's End Of Summer Bash at Hornblower Cruises, Pier 15 on August 25, 2016 in New York City. (Photo by Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images)

That top is SO $10 at Forever 21.

ST PAUL, MN - DECEMBER 05: Recording artist Tove Lo attends 101.3 KDWB's Jingle Ball 2016 presented by Capital One at Xcel Energy Center on December 5, 2016 in St Paul, Minnesota. (Photo by Timothy Hiatt/Getty Images for iHeart )

Also, she loves these jeans, as Jess has pointed out. She's wearing them in one of the embedded pics, and in the next slide...

SUNRISE, FL - DECEMBER 18: Tove Lo attends the Y100's Jingle Ball 2016 - PRESS ROOM at BB&T Center on December 18, 2016 in Sunrise, Florida. (Photo by Gustavo Caballero/Getty Images for iHeart)

I might like that jacket, secretly, but HARD PASS on the shirt.

SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA - NOVEMBER 23: Trove Lo arrives for the 30th Annual ARIA Awards 2016 at The Star on November 23, 2016 in Sydney, Australia. (Photo by Brendon Thorne/Getty Images)

I know this is the dress for which you were waiting. Info about this: Her stylist apparently asked if he could make/commission something for her and she was all for it, so this was the result; while the designer described it as a political statement, Tove Lo herself said only, "It's a vagina or a pussy. I'm from Sweden where we don't censor at all... You’ve just got to say what it is.” That is not entirely anatomically accurate, but regardless, the conclusion seemed to be that for Tove Lo this was related to censorship of one of her videos on YouTube. #TheMoreYouKnow However, just because it may or may not be a statement dress, it doesn't mean she didn't also look in the mirror and think, "Thank God I look bangin' in this mad-sexy and attractive statement dress." We just don't know. So I think this dress is legit to consider on whatever merits you choose.