Lindsay Lohan
Something about this dress evokes an ad for a Designer Impostor version of a Liz Taylor fragrance -- like, "Red Rubies," or something, in which Lindsay would slink into a smoky frat house and slam some costume jewelry down in the midddle of a beer pong game and purr, "These have always brought me luck," before getting erotically doused in Natty Light backsplash.
Lindsay Lohan
Props to her for keeping her nipples out of play, but... there is something about the way she carries herself that removes her from the realm of sexy and into the realm of trucker. Trust me, this whole thing is nowhere near as bad as I imagined, but it's also not particularly youthful, nor alluring, nor current, nor... anything. It's just there, and she's just there in it.
Lindsay Lohan
She did bring a fur stole with her. I have no idea if it's real or not, but let's leave aside the PETA arguments about it for now and just note that -- right or wrong -- it's totally what Elizabeth Taylor would have done. It also only stokes my concern that this outfit is twenty years too old and desperate for her.
Lindsay Lohan
WHY did this child ever monkey with her hair? She should always be a redhead. Always. Having said that: How much of this do we think IS her actual hair?
Lindsay Lohan
This appears to say, "I leave before being left. I decide." It's a Brigitte Bardot quote, and it's one of those things that is masquerading as empowered but which is actually terribly, terribly sad, because it implies an assumption of abandonment. Oh, Lindsay. We TRIED not to leave you, but you didn't make it very easy. Indeed, you kind of did leave us first. Next time you come back, maybe try for a project that isn't so doomed to fail? Liz & Dick was never going to work. And you must have known that...? But take heart: Surely X-Factor will fire all its judges again, and then maybe you can snag some Spearsian sloppy seconds that will keep you on TV all year, and require you to do little but make faces and string together words in the right order. Liz & Dick was a groin-pulling leap. Try baby steps first.