Ruby Rose
Oh, my. I have no idea what's going on here. It's like an old Dick Tracy strip mixed with U.S.S.R. propaganda, all rolled into a synchronized swimming routine.
Kimbra
You might remember this lady from singing "Somebody I Used To Know" with Gotye on Saturday Night Live. I didn't, but Wikipedia tells me it happened. Perhaps if she had worn this, I would remember. It's terrifying. This is what Red Fraggle's nightmares look like.
Lanie Lane
This lady is a producer, but apparently her side gig is turning muumuus into blouses.
Missy Higgins
Oh, Missy. I am terrified, horrified, cross-eyed, brain-fried, and freeze-dried bu your fashion homicide. Shoot, I think I just wrote a Kanye West entry by accident.
Sally Cooper
I am speechless. IT'S A BLOUSE. A BLOUSE ON A ROPE. IT'S A LAUNDRY LINE.
Ricki-Lee Coulter
Man, next to what came before, this is practically Amish in its modesty. Ricki-Lee should've stood next to that other girl all night long.
Two our of three McClymonts
These two are in a country trio, apparently, although I had assumed they were part of a roving troupe of dance fighters.
Ellie Kelaart
This is so Montag. Although Heidi Montag isn't really even a thing anymore (until she has her inevitable fame baby, anyway, which... I think I speak for all of us: DON'T DO THAT, YOU GUYS), so maybe the next time Heidi shows up in public, we'll roll our eyes and go, "Ugh, that's SO Kelaart."
Erin McNaught
This lady, aside from having a modeling career, is engaged to a rapper named Example, which to me feels like a recipe for some really frustrating conversations, akin to the Olden Days when you'd ask someone where she got her jeans and her answer would be, "Guess?" and you'd actually attempt to guess while she laughed and laughed. But the real issue here for poor Erin McNaught is that Jennifer Lopez already wore this -- to meet Wills and Kate, no less -- and you just cannot follow that act.
Rachael Leahcar
This person came in third on The Voice. Wikipedia insists she is 18, although her outfit suggests something closer to 11.
Diana Rouvas
This lady was a contestant on The Voice. Sweet child, you are taking the whole "blind" part of blind auditions too seriously.
Casey Burgess
This lady is on a show/in a band aimed at kids called Hi-5. I am guessing she used this evening to exorcise the adult demons she has to suppress when she's frolicking around in neon clothes and pigtails her day job.
Jesinta Campbell
I KNOW we've covered this former Miss Universe Australia before. The reason I keep forgetting that fact is, I think, due to the fact that she frequently wears things that act as total retina bleach.
Samantha Jade
This girl is a singer-songwriter. I have a lyric idea for her. It goes like this: "Whoever sold that to you lied / and took you for a pricey ride / do a favor to your thighs / and all the bits that live up high / 'cause you are totally not this wide / and no one knows what's written inside / so for the love of GOD, go up a size."
Sarah DeBono
"Yes, it was I. I scalped Wynonna Judd. It... didn't go well."
Bananas
Best-dressed of the bunch. Pun intended.