Germany's Next Top Model finale
First, host Heidi Klum is wearing the Pepto Bismol -- or as I like to call it, Pepto Abysmol -- sibling of Selena Gomez's white-and-neon Versace. It. Is. Dreadful. The crispness of the white contrasts well with the neon, to give it a fun vibe; this looks like Pepto tastes: stale.
Germany's Next Top Model finale
Why, yes, there IS a giant robot there getting kissed by Heidi while she stands atop another person/on an apparatus. Does that not seem normal to you? I call this "Wednesday."
Germany's Next Top Model finale
I love that they got Robin Thicke for what looks like the swimsuit portion (I assume this sucker is live?). Heidi's dress has not gotten any less unflattering. It's simply awful on her. This is one of the few times in life where I will bemoan the lack of seventeen wardrobe changes.
Germany's Next Top Model finale
This Father's Day, have 1-800-FLOWERS send him what he REALLY wants.
Germany's Next Top Model finale
I like to think the robot misunderstood "Top Model" to mean "Best New Version of The T-1000" and is just standing there uninvited and extremely confuse.
Germany's Next Top Model finale
"Son, DO NOT EVEN."
Germany's Next Top Model finale
And now of course this woman is wearing balloons. There are more phases to this runway show than of the moon.
Germany's Next Top Model finale
And FIRE. Is this secretly Eurovision? Is it like the N.I.T. of Eurovision -- you know, the place people go who weren't good enough to make it to the big tournament but still want to keep playing?
Germany's Next Top Model finale
I mean, seriously, the regular ANTM finales are never this fun. That show needs to get some buzz going again. It needs to be Eurovision'd up.
Germany's Next Top Model finale
That dress is so aggressively awful. Obviously, it's perfect for this. She SHOULD look like Little Bo Peep on her wedding night.
Germany's Next Top Model finale
And let us end at the beginning -- which is to say, back to Heidi's outfit, the backside of which is not only not accommodating the mic pack, but also being pretty damn unhospitable to the rest of her.