> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # Fug the Finale: The Voice - URL: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-finale-the-voice/ - Published: 2012-05-14T15:00:35.000Z - Updated: 2012-05-14T19:33:04.000Z - Author: Heather - Tags: #wp, #wp-gallery, #slideshow, #Import 2026-10-07 07:30 ## Christina Aguilera ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/bf/b9/bfb99790-924d-4e41-a7e6-5e3c6e04fe57/content/images/static-gofugyourself-com/uploads/2012/05/img_2289-800x533.jpg) I believe this is the best Christina's cleavage has been corralled all season. Her chest is a comparative science. ## Christina Aguilera ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/05/IMG_2291-800x533.jpg) I MEAN. Come on. Here, they are loose in the barn. ## Adam ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/05/IMG_2300-800x533.jpg) Right after their spat about the song -- which I believe he knew was coming, given rumors that she was up in arms about it during rehearsals or something -- Adam busted out this shirt. Is that a metaphor, too, Adam? Why not go another step and claim it's onomatopoeia? ## Cee Lo ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/05/IMG_2306-800x533.jpg) I like to imagine this is a scene from Cee Lo's backyard flag football scrimmage. ## Cee Lo ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/05/IMG_2311-800x533.jpg) He began this episode in a plain white shirt, and then switched to this, I BELIEVE not long after Tony sang "99 Problems." Seems like everyone but Christina and Blake got the memo about, well, t-shirt memos. ## Cee Lo ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/05/IMG_2313-800x533.jpg) The next night Cee Lo wore one with the names of all his team members on it. That's sort of sweet. I get the impression Cee Lo is one of those people who would veer from singing "Meow meow meow meow" at his cat to asking you which German Romanticist is your favorite. ## Justin Bieber ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/05/IMG_2320-800x533.jpg) And then we got *Justin Bieber and the Phallic Corridor*. He rapped -- yes, rapped -- about ladies and then started singing a song about if he were our boyfriend. Which, if he were, the first thing I would do is stop having him dance around en pointe in giant gold *Back To The Future II* high-tops. He seems to be in a tough spot right now. He wants to keep the bridge there for his younger fans and their parents, but he also wants you to know that he knows how to bang. So: ## Justin Bieber ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/05/IMG_2331-800x533.jpg) His answer is to sing a song all about how WHEEE WHAT IF HE WAS MY BOYFRIENDDDDDD while then grabbing his crotch and thrusting his groin repeatedly at the gyrating body of one of his dancers. STOP THAT, JUSTIN. FROM YOU, I CANNOT. I am easily ten years away from being okay with that from him, in part because ten years from now he's still only probably going to look about twenty-two. ## Carson and Justin ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/05/IMG_2334-800x533.jpg) The best thing about this AGAIN was Carson having to bite back a giggle when he referred to Justin as "man," as if they are total bros and homies. When in fact Carson's life just flashed before his eyes as he realized he is older than the boy's mother. ## Christina ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/05/IMG_2338-800x533.jpg) And then, Christina hopped up and revealed to us all that she'd spent the entire finale in glittery spankies and what amounts to a sequined blazer. I'm sure the contestants were so flattered that she brought out her formal panties for their big night. ## Christina Aguilera ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/05/IMG_2342-800x533.jpg) She DOES realize they already shot *Magic Mike*, right? And that they therefore aren't currently casting for a strip-club lawyer? Maybe she's trying to con NBC into making that show. It's like *Burlesque* meets *Ed*. [Fug the Finale: The VoiceThe weird subplot of this whole season was Christina Aguilera Refuses To Give Whole-Hearted Props To The Contestant Who Was On Mickey Mouse Club With Her. She would say things like, "You have a great voice... I mean, you're kind of one-note, but, you know, it was a nice job." I can't figure out why. She didn't initially remember him, and she's a megastar, so hasn't she sort of won that one? But she did admit on-air -- when she finally decided she did recall his existence, and went backstage to give him a moderately sincere hug -- that he had a crush on Britney. So maybe she's playing out some adolescent hormonal drama. Anyway, this all culminated with him performing a very cool cover of Jay Z's "99 Problems" -- which goes on to say, "but a bitch ain't one," though he only mouthed that word -- and Christina got very huffy and offended about how she thought it was a strangely inappropriate message considering his wife and daughter were in the house (and whether you agree or not, I'd like to point out that this is coming from a woman who had a hit song called "Dirrty"), at which point Adam Levine apparently couldn't stand her dismissiveness anymore and stood up and shouted, "It's called a METAPHOR, CHRISTINA," and everyone clapped. Except here's the thing: It's NOT called a metaphor. It's called being slangy. I am pretty sure there is nothing metaphorical about that line in that song. I mean, maybe? I'm not Jay Z. But it seems pretty plain to me. It is what it is. Just own it, Adam. Sheesh. Then, even BETTER, Shannen Doherty hopped on Twitter right after and was all, "You guys, that song was NEVER about a woman, it's ABOUT A DOG," and she apparently meant it, except SHE was confusing it with Guns 'n' Roses' "I Used To Love Her (But I Had To Kill Her), so basically, nobody knew what the hell anyone was talking about\*\*\* and it was kind of magical. And then Christina didn't wear pants. So in all, an eventful finale. \*\*\* Well. Apparently Jay Z did claim the song was about a K-9 unit, so while still not technically a metaphor, as a commenter pointed out, it is also not a literal slam on a lady. The important takeaway here: Shannen Doherty is the boss of us all.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/bf/b9/bfb99790-924d-4e41-a7e6-5e3c6e04fe57/content/images/static-gofugyourself-com/uploads/2012/05/img_2289-800x533.jpg)](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-finale-the-voice-05-2012/)