Lisa D'Amato

Lisa is.... special. And, I think, smart enough to know that she should keep Tyra close because you just never know. But mostly... special. All I can do is quote Lisa back at Lisa: "I be like whoa."

Tyra Banks

TyTy looks nice, but doesn't this feel like a punt to you? I can't even see whatever detailing is on the dress; it's totally erased in photos. So all it is to me is a hairy hem and some seemingly cool shoes and pink lipstick that looks like a Big League Chew accident. I like my Tyra blisteringly divalike or devastatingly hot.

Maitland Ward

I have no idea what Maitland (Boy Meets World) is doing there, but that dress is so tight, it's terrifying. Every shadow it's casting on itself seems bent on convincing me that it's got bathing-suit DNA.

Katie Cleary

Katie was out very early in season one, for being too Playboy. Interestingly, she then became a Playboy bunny. (I think I have that right.) She also was a "Deal Or No Deal" model and has done some acting gigs here and there. Her dress is nice enough, but it's awesome to me that one of the very FIRST contestants EVER eliminated from this long-running series is actually one of the ones that works in the entertainment industry the most.

The Game

The Game was in one of my favorite Top Model episodes ever: when the girls had to write songs about themselves, and then Tyra made them incorporate (I can't believe I have to type this) "pot ledom" into each one, that being "top model" backwards. Which one of them incorporated at the end by saying, "pot ledom is 'top model' backwards.'" Amazing. I have nothing else to add about him. His jacket is so pot ledom, I can't even.

Victor Ortiz

I have no idea what he's doing here. But I wish Justin Bieber wore stuff like this -- you know, shirts, and real pants.

Monique Victoria

Monique is an ex-contestant. I keep thinking this picture is of Olivia Munn. But it's more Olivia Munn crossed with Olivia Wilde. If anyone needs a discount version of either of those two.. maybe she should change her name to Olivia Wunn, or Olivia Milde. DONE.

Sal Stowers

Saleisha won cycle 9, a.k.a. the China one. She's now on All My Children, because what with Eva and Yaya, soaps love old ANTM contestants. I always liked Saleisha, though, and she looks gorgeous, so here's hoping the revival of AMC is a boon to her. The dress certainly works. She looks the most polished of anyone there. Next time, let's hope the guest list pushes her a little harder.

Fug the Party: ANTM

It's sad to me that the beginning of the twentieth cycle of ANTM should have such a sparse red carpet. More people than this showed up, but I hadn't heard of very many of them. Twenty seasons of a reality show should yield more winners at the party than you can count on one hand, plus lots of former contestants, and guest judges... sigh. Maybe let's just close our eyes and remember the good times, like when everyone thought Cycle Four Michelle had a flesh-eating disease, or Amanda delivering "moving" "poetry" to describe her almost-blindness, or... Jade doing anything. [Photos: Getty]