Ellie Goulding
I mean, not EVERYONE has to be like Miley Cyrus -- or Kelly Wearstler, or Kristen Stewart, or Anna Faris, or kind of Blake Lively, or the rest of freaking Hollywood -- with the granny pants and the black lace and the transparency.
Redfoo
And not EVERYONE has to be like Miley Cyrus, sitting in a cloud of self-generated hot air.
Iggy Azalea
And not EVERYONE has to be Miley Cyrus -- or Jaimie Alexander -- with the naked and legs and the public wax job.
Iggy Azalea
And not EVERYONE has to be like Miley Cyrus, AGAIN, with the skimpy costume and the gyrating and the drooling and the Robin Thicke.
Robin Thicke
Can we take a break to note something unkind? Here goes: You will have to work extremely, unimaginably hard to convince me that he's not a tool.
Iggy Azalea
And not EVERYONE has to be like Lea Michele, or Angelina Jolie, with the Leg City and the posing drama.
Carice van Houten
And not everyone has to be like someone Lea Michele if she were at a fancy Australian race day party, Carice Whoever.
Eva Simons
And not everyone has to be like Miley Cyrus or Pink but with elephantitis of the hair tuft AND elephantitis of the blanket-poncho.
Katy Perry
And not everyone has to be... hmm. Except for the shoes THAT NEED TO BURN SO HOT I CAN TOAST MARSHMALLOWS ON THEM FROM HERE that outfit is actually fairly reasonable.
Katy Perry
But not everyone needs to use the same metaphors as Pink,and perform cocooned in fabric.
Katy Perry
And not everyone needs to be J.Lo and sing in catsuits made of mirror shards, AND NOT EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE MILEY CYRUS WITH THE TONGUE HANGING OUT SO PLEASE PUT IT AWAY KATY AND RETURN TO PLANET CLOSEDMOUTH.
Katy Perry
And not everyone needs to be Madonna's left and right arms from back in the 1980s, and for the love of God, put down the trophy before Miley thinks you are trying to be her with a wrecking ball -- or worse, before you get the idea that would be hilarious.
Jedward
Everyone COULD be a little more like Jedward sometimes.
Rita Ora
Rita Ora is like a classy breeze through this stale joint, and even SHE looks a bit like a sale-rack Rihanna. Still, since I've never said, typed, nor even THOUGHT the first part of that sentence, let's give it to her.