Agent Not At All Covert
Let us open by wondering why anyone is fooled by Peggy and Jarvis not sitting at the same table. Even Lyndsy Fonseca, her friend who is the waitress, is like, "Oh, your guy is here," and yet they still proceed to sit back-to-back and whisper openly to each other, even while turning their heads. JUST SIT TOGETHER. YOU HAVE A MUTUAL FRIEND. It's not like Peggy is pretending she doesn't KNOW Howard Stark; she's just acting like she isn't HELPING him, and in fact, her better cover story with the feds would have been, "Let me befriend Jarvis and become his confidante and I will help you find Howard," which would've helped her move more openly between them. DONE. Call me, Peggy. 70 years ago.
Agent Faithless
Peggy is convinced that the little spitfire Russian assassin girl they met means that Leviathan is armed with adult Ladies Who Kill, and who will someday become their own 48 Hours Mysteries special. She voices this in front of the Russian doctor -- I don't remember his name so let's just call him Dr. Moscow -- and the Chief, though dubious, agrees to let her investigate. He's not happy about it, though. I think his necktie shrinks up another inch just THINKING about giving her any autonomy.
Agent Sunshine
Dottie sails adorably into some random dude's dental practice, looking like an angel, and that's how we know she's about to get homicidal. Exacting everyone's dental revenge fantasy, she straps the doctor into his chair and goes at him with the drill until he dies -- for no reason other than just to be mean, I guess. She could have just shot him. I suppose I appreciate that she's homicidal with flair?
Agent Sniper
It turns out Comrade Dottie needs the office so she can get her rifle pointed across the street at the Chief's window, which she has identified from a) knowing where Peggy works, b) knowing it's not really the phone company, and c) sheer psychic good luck, because COME ON.
Agent Window
In her sights? Dr. Moscow, the Leviathan-kidnapped scientist whom Dottie once menaced but has now turned to the U.S. side, who is preening and admiring all the very tall American buildings. So many buildings. Let me stretch and see the buildings! OH THE TALLNESS OF THE BUILDINGS. He marvels and marvels, pausing only to ask the Chief supportive questions about his marital problems. Dottie waits and waits to take the shot, because she's distracted by how well he has embraced the American style of shortie tie.
Agent Code
But AHA, Dottie doesn't want to shoot him. She's communicating with him via morse code, flashing the light on her sight, then using its magnifier to read what he's tapping out on the window sill. Which is: He needs something he doesn't have, and while he's getting it, if she could please kill Peggy Carter that would be super handy because girlfriend is quickly getting hip to their game. And you know Dottie is a cold-blooded cat when she doesn't even call Dr. Seth's appointments and tell them not to come. I mean, REALLY.
Agent Squint
Yes, Chad Michael Murray, it IS really inconsiderate of her. Think of the root canals. The toothaches. The cavities. PEOPLE WILL SUFFER.
Agent Figuring It The Hell Out
Souza has decided to do some real police work. He takes Peggy's photo to the dude who's ass Peggy kicked in... episode two? She ended up apprehending Evil Silent James Frain in his house and then they took off in a truck and it crashed and lots of death, etc. He was a big hanging thread. But now that Souza thinks the mysterious lady was Peggy, he can get useful information. Now, I have some issues with his policework here. Basically, the man agrees to look at a photo and try to ID his assailant, if Souza will give him immunity or whatever. Souza agrees, then shows him a photo ONLY of Peggy. What's to stop this guy from nodding and being like, "Yup, that her, fine, get me out of here," even if it wasn't her? Souza should've shown him an array of photos and asked him to point if he saw the woman. SIGH. Fortunately for Souza, it works out, but he really needs to learn some lessons for next time. I hope he's reading this. It was really bad detective-ing.
Agent Trousers
I just thought you might want to see that Peggy is in pants right now. She and Jarvis are trying to find Attractive, Deadly Russian Females Who Might Have Romanced Howard Stark Under An Alias. They begin at a jewelry store, where he would buy baubles for his conquests, and then Peggy gets Jarvis -- who broke up with them all for Howard -- to go and "apologize" to them all so she can see if they have scuff marks on their wrists from sleeping handcuffed to a bed. (Peggy is making all kinds of leaps also that are perhaps more astute than the evidence warrants -- how would she know they STILL sleep handcuffed to the bed?) Jarvis gets himself slapped heartily every time while Peggy crosses off names from a list, and blah blah blah they're totally on the right track and PROBABLY it is Dottie's tail, but then Shenanigans Ensue.
Agent Sugar
I just enjoyed the ENORMOUS amount of sugar this zealous extra poured into his drink. I like to think that by take 18, he was like, "Fuck it, I'm going to pour this thing THE ENTIRE TIME."
Agent Asskicker
Peggy and Jarvis are circling back on Operation Find Howard Stark's Secretly Evil Bang, when she notices the room clearing and realizes she's about to get apprehended by her coworkers. She knows her protocol. So she serenely beats the crap out of the agents who made it inside, while Jarvis bars the door...
Agent Smug
... then bursts outside to the unintentionally amusing sight of Chad Michael Murray waiting casually for her. Busted. I have to say, CMM is actually really good in this part. Something about him is very well suited to the periodwear and the sexism. (Sorry, Chad. I don't think you personally are sexist. I think it's that the squint comes off as condescending a lot, and that's period-perfect.)
Agent K.O.
So Peggy whacks the squint right off his face. Somewhere Brooke Davis's ancestors felt a wonderful tremble in the Force.
Agent Hypnosis
Dr. Moscow, meanwhile, has been trying to hypnotize everyone by twiddling his ring and asking them to FOOCUSSSSSS. (We learn in episode 7 that he was known for this in Russia, and was able to hypnotize a kid into not feeling any pain while his leg was amputated without anesthesia. I wish he taught seminars, except for how he's a murderous America-hater.) He nearly hypnotizes the Chief, but instead settles for a rookie agent who's assigned to babysit him, and ends up drawing Dr. Moscow a detailed map of the building before walking outside and straight in front of a truck. Sorry, Agent Rookie. We barely knew ye necktie-length preferences.
Agent Skyline
Peggy pops over to The Griffith to grab Captain America's blood out of her wall hole. Naturally, she barely beats the SSR there, and finds herself in a wee bit of a near-fatal pickle.
Agent Kleenex
This whole scene is actually pretty good: The landlady is enraged at these men barging upstairs, until she gets a load of the giant hole Peggy carved out of her building, at which point she climbs on board the Peggy Carter Is A Dangerous Animal bus and drives it away honking. Lyndsy Fonseca sees that Peggy is hiding on the ledge, so she gets rid of the cops by saying Peggy told her she was leaving to visit her grandmother, and then bursting into tears about her OWN grandmother and weeping all over Chad MIchael Murray's chest. He awkwardly pats her, but then softens hilariously when she asks him what he calls his grandmother. "Gam-Gam," he beams, all mushy, before catching himself. I don't know. It was good. That Chad Michael Murray will win you over, y'all. I think, like James Van Der Beek, he works best when he doesn't have to be the hero.
Agent Befuddled
I know, Chad, I'm sorry. It's not your fault that America doesn't like to be told which actor is the real hero. (see also: America preferring Marshall and Barney to Ted Mosby).
Agent Smoochy
Peggy almost gets away -- Lyndsy, who thinks this is all super fun and trusts Peggy is not a terrorist, has arranged for her to borrow a car -- but Dottie finds her and plants one on her. Turns out she's wearing the purloined Sweet Dreams 102, and it knocks Peggy out completely. But before she can slit Peggy's throat, the SSR storms around the corner, so Dottie switches into Damsel in Distress mode and they drag Peggy's barely conscious body into the office for questioning. EPISODE OUT. It was actually a pretty good hour -- lots of action and some good humor. The thing this show lacks is romance. I like that Peggy doesn't care about that -- and also her heart still belongs to Cap a little -- but I also think what hooks a viewer is some good hard mutual yearning.
Agent Cornered
Agent Squint
So, now Peggy has to defend herself. Souza has sussed out that she's a spy of sorts, and everyone's trying to get her to crack and tell them the full story of how someone with estrogen managed to have two wits about her to rub together. Chad Michael Murray in particular hits her with every squint he has in his impressive arsenal.
Agent Impervious To Squinting
Peggy is not impressed. Peggy actually repeatedly tells them that they're idiots, which is better than therapy.
Agent Divinely Costumed
Dottie, meanwhile, is buying a pram in the most glorious outfit of all time. I've also decided that a GREAT finale of Mad Men would be to reveal that Betty Draper is a Soviet spy just like Dottie. It would explain so much.
Agent Not Helping, Dude
Jarvis gets the cockamamie idea to spring Peggy from trouble by bringing in a signed confession from Howard, which he has invented and forged (and, adorably, layered with lots of subplots). He does not consider that doing so a) makes Peggy look really stupid, because it would mean Howard tricked her into working for him and thus committing treason, and b) will still end in their tears, because once the SSR realizes Howard is NOT on his way to America to deliver the signed page to the confession, they will all be up shit creek together. jarvis is a delightful sidekick but not a master planner.
Agent Confession
HOWEVER: Peggy notices Dr. Moscow tapping away at the window and writes down what he's saying, which is: Leviathan is going to tear it UP somewhere in just under two hours and then all of America will be a smoking hole in the Earth or whatever (it's possible I'm exaggerating). So Peggy gathers the gents and gives a FULL confession, in the hopes that they will see reason and work with her instead of against her. But Dr. Moscow has been giving the Chief really solid marital advice, so the Chief doesn't want to hear anything bad about his new bestie. He would WAY rather have a traitor on his staff than discover it was FALSE RUSSIAN SYMPATHY.
Agent Squint
Yes, Chad, it IS strange that she's carrying a vial of Captain America's blood. Just wait until you learn what a Billy Bob Thornton is.
But when Peggy gets all misty and nostalgic and choked up over her lost love's liquid DNA, it gives the team pause. They quickly confab to check whether they believe her because it's TRUE, or because a dame in tears is like catnip to a gentleman. Souza believes her; Chief doesn't. Chad squints. They all decide to check out the building across the way, to see if Dottie -- whom Peggy now knows is evil because she saw her before the lipstick knocked her out -- is hanging out over there signaling to Dr. Moscow. Which she is, by the way. Long story short: Souza finds her, there is a tussle, she parkours down a stairwell, she escapes.
Agent Sucker
Oh, Chief. Dr. Moscow finally successfully hypnotizes him into helping him steal Item 17 from the Howard Stark shipment. Then he shuts Peggy and Jarvis into a holding cell before breaking off the key in the lock, and goes home to see his estranged wife and children and tell them loving things. He even makes a dinner date for later. I guess Dr. Moscow is not without a heart, even though Poor Chief Dooley is not going to make it to dinner. So maybe that's the cruelest thing of all: the gift of massively uncharitable thoughts in the head of Dooley's wife, before she learns he is dead. Because, spoiler: He's dying real soon.
Agent Handcuffs
Peggy and Jarvis cuffed to a table was cute. She was all set to turn it into a battering ram, to break the two-way mirror and escape the locked room, but Jarvis kept wanting to stop and discuss the consequences of the glass shattering and whether people on the other side might be waiting with guns. I love Jarvis -- James D'Arcy plays him as a person who is utterly tickled at the idea of all this excitement in his life, yet utterly terrified of it ruining his shirts.
Chief Dead Man Walking
So anyway, the Chief's final mission was to put on one of Howard Stark's vests and then turn it on and then take a nap. By the time he wakes up and everyone has figured out what's happening, the Chief is screwed. I forget what the point of the vest was -- helping soldiers survive in frigid trenches? -- but it's never worked, it overheats, it won't come off, and it inevitably explodes the wearer. Well, that seems like a shitty invention, then, Howard. Your Yelp review just got downgraded to two stars.
Agent Kaboom
That fire up there? That's Chief Dooley, who asks for someone to please call and apologize to his wife before he runs out the window and bursts into flames mid-air. Poor Chief Dooley. I've decided he is Paul Dooley's brother. And if you don't know who Paul Dooley is, please watch "Sixteen Candles," because he's the dad and I always want to hug him when he says, "That's why they call it a crush. If it was easy, they'd call it something else."
Agent Squint
OKAY, sorry, Chad, jeez, I just wanted a break from all this SCIENCE TERRORISM, okay?
Agent Gorgeous Location
This interior doubles as a movie house, where a bunch of innocent people are going to watch a moving picture and do not expect a beautiful assassin to walk in with a baby carriage that contains a test sample of Item 17. NOBODY expects the Russian inquisition, after all.
Agent MURDER
And so of course, two latecomers arrive and find the door barred with a piece of metal. When the usher opens it, the entire crowd has mauled each other to death. Item 17, it turns out, is a gas that makes people homicidal. Distilled directly from Sarah Bunting: Crapacious Gargoyle. (If you don't watch Downton, I am sorry to have confused you.) I wish Agent Carter could have destroyed Sarah Bunting: Infected Splinter in the 1920s, but this week on "Agent Carter" will have to do.