> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # Fug the Show: American Idol, auditions 1, 2, and 3 - URL: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-american-idol-auditions-1-2-and-3-gallery/ - Published: 2012-01-24T17:00:30.000Z - Updated: 2012-01-23T19:31:27.000Z - Author: Heather - Tags: #wp, #wp-gallery, #slideshow, #Import 2026-10-07 07:30 ## GUESS WHO??? ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/bf/b9/bfb99790-924d-4e41-a7e6-5e3c6e04fe57/content/images/static-gofugyourself-com/uploads/2012/01/img_8618-800x533.jpg) Ay, I do not know why they shot my entrance on this WALKWAY with the windows and the gray and the blah. They should shoot me walking through wreaths of *flores* and naked men bowing at my feet and offering me grapes, because we should show people what a regular day in *mi vida* looks like, no? ## EL COCHE ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/01/IMG_8617-800x533.jpg) "Lookit! It's formal shorts! Because I am RELAXED, lovers. I am SLEEPING at night. I do not have to wake up and plug straw holes in my major veins because my husband gets snacky. Ay, but do you know how many people got fired because I was not told my shirt went bunchy? *SIETE*. At least that's what Randy told me, because I went rage blind." ## EEEEEEEEEK ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/01/IMG_8610-800x533.jpg) "*Perdon, amigos*, but are we here to send people to Hollywood, or to Hufflepuff House? HA! You didn't think I knew who Larry Potter WAS, DID YOU? But listen, lovers, if it pulls a bird out of that hat or starts singing a song about ultimate evil, I WILL avada his kedavra with my COCA-COLA THE OFFICIAL DRINK OF AMERICAN IDOL YAAAAAAY bendy straw." ## MAS COCHE! ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/01/IMG_8620-800x533.jpg) "ME AGAIN! This time, seven people got fired for putting me in pleated shorts that give me Old Man bulge! Lovers, I am all for comfort, especially because I have to drink so much COCA-COLA THE OFFICIAL DRINK OF AMERICAN IDOL I LOOOOVE IT all day while we listen to sad clowns sing Adele. BUT. I do not bloat THERE. I do not need a pelvis balloon." ## RANDY NO ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/01/IMG_8622-800x533.jpg) "I do not have anything to do with this, lovers. And nobody got fired! BELIEVE ME I TRIED. They said, 'Jennifer, we cannot get rid of Randy, he is like a teddy bear, and people love him, dawg,' and I said, 'Do you think people are saying 'I love dogs' and not 'I love him dawg,' and they said, 'We don't care.' FINE. AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO IS PEOPLE'S MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE? Wait, *si*. I am. *Es yo*. So suck it, blood glasses!" ## Whoopsie! ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/01/IMG_8666-800x533.jpg) "Lovers, I FORGOT ABOUT THE SHORTS THEME. So I had them censor me so that you cannot tell. Is it a crotch or is it a skirt? MYSTERIES. Like the time I woke up married to Marc. HOW? WHY? WHEN? Nobody knows." ## Psst ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/01/IMG_8676-800x533.jpg) "Ay, but Randy, what IS it with you? Why CAN'T you wear normal shorts? Why is this one like a plaid toaster pastry?" ## Phew ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/01/IMG_8679-800x533.jpg) "HOLA SHORTS! Lovers, I found a Land's End catalog in my house from 1991 and it has been my inspiration. Well, for part of it. That other thing is a leather sports bra, because lovers, you do not know when you are going to need to dance. Or dance FIGHT." ## BLEEEP ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/01/IMG_8685-800x533.jpg) "I wear this patch for when I WORD FIGHT. And the glasses for when I cannot look at Lord Tylermort without crying." ## MAS SHORTS ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/01/IMG_8688-800x533.jpg) "THIS is why I wear shorts, really, lovers: my muscles. LOOK AT THEM. You could strum them and it would play Stairway to Heaven." ## Ayyyy ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/01/IMG_8695-800x533.jpg) "*Es posible* my shirt flew open because I accidentally flexed my muscles and it snapped. *Es MAS posible* that my shirt is trying to run away from the mummified version of the kid from *Up* who showed up to judge. *Es MAS MAS posible* that we are all terrified of this:" ## WHAAAAA ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/01/IMG_8694-800x533.jpg) "THOSE ARE NOT CLOTHES. THEY ARE PRACTICALLY TATTOOS." ## NOOOO ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/01/IMG_8698-800x533.jpg) "CHILD. *LOCA*.You cannot let the meat out of the bun! And NOT in front of Lord Voldesmith! Do you KNOW how much COCA-COLA THE OFFICIAL DRINK OF AMERICAN IDOL WITH NO ALCOHOL IN IT WHATSOEVER I have to drink to forget when He Who Must Not Be Aroused over there sees that much young ladyflesh? WAS MARC NOT TORTURE ENOUGH? Is this the bill I have to pay for being so *bonita*?" ## Eeeek ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/01/IMG_8697-800x533.jpg) "Even my vampire eyes cannot make sense of things." ## Meee ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/01/IMG_8702-800x533.jpg) "Lovers, for our second day in San Diego, I decided to dress up? Why? MEN IN UNIFORM, lovers. They are the real heroes. I have to give them a reason to DREAM. The dots are like little islands where they can imagine docking their fancy metal ships. I am sure nobody cares that [Kate Winslet wore this ten months ago](https://gofugyourself.com/fug-or-fab-kate-winslet-03-2011?ref=go-fug-yourself.ghost.io). I mean, Kate Whoslet?!? AM I RIGHT? BORING. My side-abs would beat up her side-abs and then grill them and then put them in a sandwich and then probably not eat it because my body is a temple." ## Meeeee ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/01/IMG_8703-800x533.jpg) "Also, can Kate LOSElet give Empathy Face when confronted with HER OWN MORTALITY? And no, I am not talking about sitting next to Draco Malface. I am talking about THIS:" ## Jane Carrey ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/01/IMG_8707-800x533.jpg) "Lovers, this is Jim Carrey's daughter. Who seems very nice and talented and normal and who I met when I was a Fly Girl. WHEN SHE WAS TWO, LOVERS. *DOS*. SHE IS 24 NOW. Do you know how much ACTING it takes to seem happy about this? You have made a POWERFUL ENEMY TODAY, anti-lover! See you in Hollywood, SEE YOU IN HELL." [Fug the Show: American Idol, auditions 1, 2, and 3"HOLA LOVERS! I am BACK! Strap in for five months of brave, beautiful yo as I bravely, beautifully find somebody who will be very famous for about thirty seconds, but make ME very famous for a long time because of how nice and loving I am to people who are not as beautiful as yo! America needs a hero, lovers. America needs ME."![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/bf/b9/bfb99790-924d-4e41-a7e6-5e3c6e04fe57/content/images/static-gofugyourself-com/uploads/2012/01/img_8618-800x533.jpg)](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-american-idol-auditions-1-2-and-3/)