> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # Fug the Show: American Idol, auditions 6 and 7 - URL: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-american-idol-auditions-6-and-7-gallery/ - Published: 2012-02-07T17:00:00.000Z - Updated: 2012-02-06T18:16:33.000Z - Author: Heather - Tags: #wp, #wp-gallery, #slideshow, #Import 2026-10-07 07:30 ## Yo! ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/bf/b9/bfb99790-924d-4e41-a7e6-5e3c6e04fe57/content/images/static-gofugyourself-com/uploads/2012/02/img_8947-800x533.jpg) "Surprise, lovers! No shorts! Only glamour. Psst, a little secret, I only wear shorts so I can run. Far away. But no shorts *ahora*, because Errorsmith promised me he was going to pick the roadkill out of his hair before judging today so I decided to trust him." ## HOLA ABUELA ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/02/IMG_8952-800x533.jpg) "Instead, he sent his Aunt Hazel to do the judging for him. We talked about herbal teas and anti-frizz. She is going to be in my next Venus razor commercial and I THIIIIINK she gave me a recipe for Jell-O salad! I couldn't tell because I don't speak 1957!" ## Listen to me ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/02/IMG_8974-800x533.jpg) "Pop quiz, lovers: Do you remember what I said about Embalmosmith and his roadkill hair? *Si*. And do you know what I am wearing? SHORTS. *SI*." ## DRAMA! ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/02/IMG_8979-800x533.jpg) "Except, lovers, you will not believe the suffering. NO TIGHTS. NO TIGHTS, LOVERS. I HAD NO TIGHTS. NO BLACK TIGHTS. *VIVIMOS EN UN SOCIETY*, lovers! How can I wear formal shorts without TIGHTS, except for all the other times when I do not wear them with tights? So I did what any other *belleza* with a razor contract who accidentally forgot to shave before the TV cameras would do: made a PA go get me some tights. But do not call me bossy, lovers. NO. Or as we say in Spanish, *NO*. This is giving PURPOSE to the lowly, lovers! This helping a girl earn her $9 hourly wage! THIS IS AMERICA." ## Better AND WORSE ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/02/IMG_8969-800x533.jpg) "And then Randy asked if he could tap his heels together *tres veces* and take us to Kansas. I said NO, because I have seen that movie and it ends with a lady in pink waving around a stick wearing a skirt bigger than my house and there is NOT ROOM for both of us and I left my stick in Marc's heart." ## cut ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/02/IMG_8980-800x533.jpg) " ## MEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/02/IMG_8982-800x533.jpg) "What do you mean, where are my tights? Why would I wear tights with my shorts? HAHAHAHA, silly lovers, do not try to live in mi mundo. You will only get lost and end up asking directions from a goblin who trades GPS access for AB-negative!" ## So Serious ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/02/IMG_8986-800x533.jpg) "I cannot be jolly, lovers. What you are about to see is *muy peligroso y triste*. See? Even Talbots over there is crying. Are you ready? Be strong, lovers. Be *fuerte*." ## BOO ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/02/IMG_9021-800x533.jpg) "*No comprendo*, lovers. What is Madonna doing? Did they make another *Sex and the Thingy* movie where they all move underneath Madison Square Garden and raise a demon race of shopper-minions?" ## Eh? ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/02/IMG_8990-800x533.jpg) "And what is Nicki Minaj doing wearing adidas lilypads on her nipples? And what is an 'MIA,' lovers, besides an airport code for that place Marc kept taking me to watch people in bad hats throw footballs at each other? Do I need to care about this?" ## Wha? ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/02/IMG_8996-800x533.jpg) "Yes! That is the place. Football has changed, though, lovers. I remember it looking like thigh muscles and sweat. Now it looks like a K-Mart ad. Which is dumber than a car commercial set on The Block but shot in L.A., because that was not dumb, it was smart -- how am I supposed to get to The Block from here in a Fiat? Drive it? HAHAHAHAHA. You are so funny, lovers. Excuse me while I drink from my delicious COCA-COLA THE OFFICIAL DRINK OF AMERICAN IDOL AND PEOPLE WHO USE VENUS RAZORS." ## No ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/02/IMG_9014-800x533.jpg) "BORING." ## PHEW ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/02/IMG_9034-800x533.jpg) "I AM BACK. I bring you the stars, and your horoscope says, 'Crazy old ladies in hotpants will stop punching you in *los ojos* through your TV set.' If that did not stop happening then you have very big problems that even the world's most beautiful person cannot solve. Unless you have one of those knifey gun things, but I do not know know where you would find THAT, unless you are Marc's new girlfriend, which is where I sent mine!" ## Leave ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/02/IMG_9025-800x533.jpg) "Two words, lovers: AYYYYY. Why is a creature with hairy calves giving birth to something on Terrorsmith's tie? Or... *Dios mio*, do not let that be a self-portrait, *por favor*. I have small *ninos*. I need to LIVE. And I cannot go blind, because then who will decide when we wear tights? Randy? Ryan? YOU, lovers? Ahahahahahahahaaaaaa, NO. *EL MUNDO* NEEDS ME. MAKE IT STOP." [Fug the Show: American Idol, auditions 6 and 7"HOLA, lovers. Remember me? The beautiful one who rocked your world last year with whatever that song was about being on the floor? What was that called... Ay,I have no memory! YOU try sitting next to Mold Spice every day. You too will smell your way to tonto town! Anyway, amigos, apparently now EVERYONE has a new song out, ahem, MADONNA, and now EVERYONE thinks we want to look at them singing it, ahem, MADONNA. The jealousy would make me muy alegre if it was not distracting people from my shorts. So RUDE."![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/bf/b9/bfb99790-924d-4e41-a7e6-5e3c6e04fe57/content/images/static-gofugyourself-com/uploads/2012/02/img_8947-800x533.jpg)](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-american-idol-auditions-6-and-7/)