LOS TRES
"Admit it, lovers. You want to join this beach club. And you won't even need sunscreen, because dude looks like he's shady HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA SCORE ONE FOR LA LOPEZ."
Yo
"And today I had to sparkle because nobody else did, and sometimes, lovers, I get depressed when nothing in the world is shiny like me. So I make me shiny enough for two, so that I will have company. Trust me, lovers, it is sensible. Also, I heard some girl on Hart of Dixie Carter or something does all her doctoring in formal shorts. If that's true then I am a brain surgeon by now."
The Stage
"I will start by operating on the brain tumor we made these sad clowns stand in front of. Si, I know, it is a Cirque du SoLAME set HAHAHA but also it is the thing I grow inside my skull whenever Marc shows me a picture of Beardfleck and his sperm garden."
Meeeeeeee
"How does he DO IT, lovers? I sit here in my green sparkles that are the color of RICHES, and Dude Looks Like a Scabie steals my thunder with those pantalones. Remind me to have him reburied."
An ANGEL
"Then we came to the first night of performances. Lovers, America never does what I want. So I decided to confuse the HELL out of EVERYONE by a) telling all the little boy drones that they sound like miracles and that I want to love-punch them until their sangre is the color of fame, which means America will be confused into making a mistake and accidentally voting for the people I LIKE who have NO CHANCE of being as excelente as yo; and b) dressing like an angel so that America from a Heaven will think LOPEZ IS TRUTH (which it is, except when it is not) and never doubt my opinion again."
Eh?
"Randy did not get my memo, and so he came dressed as a Swatch."
Large Man, Tiny Man
"Hehehe. Look at Ryan Weecrest!"
SUCK IT DR. SHORTS
"I see you formal shorts, Ms. CW Show Doctor, and I will raise you my crotch pouch. Or my PART OF DIXIE HAHAHAHHHAHAHAAAAAA I should be on The Daily Colbert Thing!"
Ruffly meeee
"This time America was so mad at us for loving everyone, so I wore DARK colors and a ruffle of CONFUSION and did KARATE MOVES while we chopped up the hearts of the girl clowns who sang. It felt good, lovers. It felt like home."
Legs!
"At the results show, Waxosmith wore a chest Brazilian and some wallpaper, Randy had elf feet, and I wore a teeeny sequined napkin. What? That does not make sense to you? It does to me. It reminds America that I am YOUNG, and it reminds the lady contestants that I am HOT."
Oooopsieeeee
"And if I raise my hand in the right way, lovers, it reminds Marc and Discofleck what they can't HAVE ANYMORE. Except for Grabbysmith over there who held down my arm. Remind me to burn off its hand later. You cannot stifle the Lopez."