Beyonce
I believe the pattern on this leotard is of two brass instruments. Although I guess it could also be an ode to copper plumbing. None of that, however, addresses the question of why she's wearing a detached collar. Does it keep her from venturing beyond 100 yards from the show? Is Beyonce a flight risk?
Beyonce
On the one hand, I can see a bra under this. On the other, thank God there is a bra under this. It's actually fine, except for how I keep thinking she has hankies tucked into the spankies. Also: Does anyone else want to see her do a pose-off with Jennifer Lopez? Even with faces alone, it would be epic.
Beyonce
I am being asked to review a LOT of her waxer's handiwork here. Like, enough that we could give a thorough Yelp review.
Beyonce
I think those are lights being projected onto the shoes and catsuit. Right? I can't wait until she's done a few more shows and we get a bigger array of photographs. Right now, this just reminds me of Entrapment.
Beyonce
If she were covering the song by the six merry murderesses from Chicago, she would be Squish. You know why.
Beyonce
Not to get all Ally McBeal on you, but: INSERT RECORD SCRATCH HERE. Those are crystalline boobs. They look like a novelty tapestry that a very rich person with very showy tastes would hang in, like, the game room, and it seems like a really tacky and desperate stunt that is beneath someone who has so much natural song-and-dance talent. To me, this is her making actual natural gifts totally beside the point, because she'd rather people were talking about BoobDazzling. If hating this means I'm old, then FINE, I EMBRACE BEING OLD.
I know that people get very particular about performance fug being eligible for Fug Madness, but this is a PERFECT example of why Jessica and I will never disallow it. Beyonce didn't HAVE to wear this. She had plenty of other options and she picked THIS. Performers aren't required to shock and awe, for one thing, but for another, Beyonce has worn a cavalcade of other tiny and tight outfits that are plenty showy and bright. She didn't HAVE to go all Nipsy Bling on us. So the mere fact that she CHOSE to, and seems to find it awesome even though I think it's super creepy and distracting and weird, proves why this should totally be eligible for Fug Madness 2014, and indeed WILL be. Lordy. I need a drink.