Carrie
Oh, Carrie. You are so Miranda right now. I am actually dying to know -- and I may ask someone at Fashion Week -- how hard it was to find all those incredibly dated low-heeled shoes, and whether it involved scouring every Goodwill store in Manhattan.
Carrie and Sebastian
So, these two are gazing at each other. Until archrival Donna LaDonna interrupts their flow, hopefully before Sebastian noticed that Carrie has tucked her sweater into her skirt.
Carrie
Oh, and yes, Carrie is wearing low-heeled slingbacks. Silver ones this time. These are the most period-accurate things in the show.
Carrie and Larissa
And back in New York, Carrie's fancy friend Larissa tells her she wants Carrie's signature purse for an Interview shoot. Let me get the details out of the way: The shoot gets moved up a week, COINCIDENTALLY to a day when Carrie is in the office; Carrie has to blow off her internship to hit the set in Dumbo, and spends too much time there; and despite the fact that we've seen her ACTIVELY do nothing, Carrie somehow makes it back to her boss's office having compiled enough binders (huh?) and gotten all files out of storage and purchased JUST enough Chinese food takeout that the boss becomes convinced Carrie is not a slacker. There is also a storyline here Larissa gives Carrie a Dior scarf because they're both "one of a kind," and Carrie gives it to her boss for her big date. AS IF. The Carrie Bradshaw we know has a gene that actively prevents her from letting free Dior slip through her fingers.
Carrie and Dorrit
Apparently the sisters Bradshaw have been bonding while grounded. Even though they're so DIFFERENT, see, because one of them is in DARK clothes and the other one is washing the car in bunny pajamas. By the way, when I was Googling Converse high-tops to see what their deal was, I found out apparently they've been in existence since the 1920s. Who knew? I mean, other than Chuck Taylor. And probably Chuck Bartowski.
Carrie and Sebastian
There's some malarkey about how hard it is on Sebastian that Carrie is grounded, because one's tongue is very limited in its capabilities through a phone line, and an idle tongue is the devil's dishwashing sponge. Carrie won't sneak out because she's afraid of getting in troublee's going to the country club with his parents, and when she jokes that he should stay out of trouble his response is, "Trouble seems to find me." Translation: "I am a man whore whose crotch knows no rules." Also, I think I owned those longjohns.
Walt and Maggie
What's Walt's problem? Well, he's getting a blow job from his girlfriend and it's really not doing the trick.
Maggie
Or maybe he just doesn't approve of her shirt. Or MAYBE the blow job isn't working BECAUSE he has to look at that shirt. Also, because she's not a man. Details.
Sebastian and Donna
So, Donna LaDonna's family is also at the country club, and apparently this leads to the two families sitting together. The parents actually excuse them to "take a tour of the club," which is as obvious a euphemism as, "Come over and watch a movie."
Mouse
Mouse's family is ALSO at Da Club, and she and her doily with sleeves scamper off to call Carrie and tell her that Sebastian and Donna JUST LEFT THE DINING ROOM TOGETHER OMG, and that she should test him about it the next day. In an essay question kind of way, not multiple choice.
Donna and the Donnas
Donna saunters up to Sebastian, peels off his coat, and thanks him for keeping her warm last night. Donna is very trashy and cartoonish. The only reason I buy her as a danger to anyone is: She's super mean, she's super Up For It, and she's surrounded by very horny and easily manipulated high-school-aged boys. But since Sebastian already hung out with Donna and STILL chose Carrie, I also don't buy why Carrie thinks he doesn't see straight through Donna's nonsense. She's so transparent she's basically a window.
Carrie and Sebastian
And with a whoosh of desperation and body spray, Donna is gone, leaving Carrie in her letter-grade sweater, complete with pencil tips across the neck. That is SO '80s, and Childhood Heather is devastated she didn't own it.
Carrie and Sebastian
Carrie is upset that Sebastian had lied by omission about hanging out with Donna. He explains -- and we see it's true -- that they smoked a joint and Donna put the moves on, and he shut her down cold. He says he likes to party and he knows Carrie is a good girl, but that when he's with her, he doesn't ever wish he was partying or doing something else. She makes him a better man, y'all. She's the Helen Hunt to his Jack Nicholson (As Good As It Gets, which actually I didn't like, so why did I just bring it up?). Also, she's wearing pants with leaping ponies all over them. I just needed everyone to acknowledge that.
Larissa
AND HERE IT IS: The cell-phone brick. Bless this show for not falling into the trap that lesser hours have, which is, having someone say, "Man, this thing is light and compact. IT CAN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS."
Carrie and Larissa
Larissa is suitably insane-looking -- like she walked right out of that horrible evil department store in Mannequin, which was awesomely called Illustra. Would Carrie really have been wearing a peplum in 1984? I totally believe that she'd be casually holding a zebra, obviously, but pelvic flaps seem off-key.
The bag
And the Technicolor Dream Purse made it into its photo shoot.
Walt and Maggie
Meanwhile, for the scene in which Walt shoves away his girlfriend and tells her she's acting too desperate, they put their gay character in an actual rainbow hoodie.
Donna
Donna takes advantage of her day without Carrie at school, and chats up Sebastian. Mouse decides it's time to warn Carrie that she needs to pull out some stops, because if the guy who says he likes you can't wait for three days without tripping and accidentally dropping his penis into somebody else, then he's TOTALLY WORTH IT. GOOD PLAN, MOUSE. Then again, when you're a teenager, you don't think in those terms. And maybe sometimes as an adult you don't either. "Step off" is the knee-jerk; "If he was that easy to pull away from me then we weren't right for each other anyway" is after years of breakups and possibly some therapy.
Carrie and Walt
I can't tell if Carrie suspects Walt is gay, or just can tell -- because she has eyes -- that something is awry with him and Maggie (who had told her friends she'd had sex, then recanted and pretended she lied about it). She gently tries to prod him into honesty and instead he concludes that maybe if the person is right the the time will be also, and he should go over to her house and nail her the next day. Also a good plan.
Carrie and Dorrit
Meanwhile, Dorrit keeps getting cut out of this recap because zzz. But she and Carrie were supposed to hang out at the pool, except Carrie forgot and invited Sebastian as part of her Keep Him Out Of Donna's LaDonna campaign. Dorrit insists she's okay with it, but flounces home angrily. Dadshaw is suspicious.
Carrie and Sebastian
And Dadshaw walks in on Carrie and Sebastian making out in the community pool, with only about two other people around them. This would feel more believable if there were twenty, including some deaf old folks trying to swim laps.
Dadshaw, Carrie, and Sebastian
Dadshaw is disappointed, and even Sebastian trying to charm him doesn't work. So although he doesn't extend Carrie's grounding, he DOES tell her that he knows of Sebastian and his family and that Carrie can't date him. So right after Carrie has promised honesty, she has to figure out what to do about her boyfriend. Sebastian comes by hoping she can go to a concert with him, but as Carrie has just made make-up plans with Dorrit, she turns him down but does not kick him to the curb long-term, either.
Also, I have curly hair that straightens when wet, but it also curls/frizzes up again as soon as it hits air. My sister has this fabulous blonde curly hair that's a lot like Carrie's, and it's so thick and heavy and curled that it stays so even when it's drenched. So it just cracks me up to see AnnaSophia Robb's regular wet hair here. There is no way that hair turns into Carrie's hair without four hours of styling and/or a wig. Which of course IS what happens, but... never mind. I need to stop thinking about her hair.
Walt and Maggie
Maggie was out having sex with her cop toy-boy in his squad car (does he not have a partner?), so she comes home really late to a waiting Walt. Carrie's voice-over implies that she's struggling between wanting sex and wanting intimacy, and realizing she only has one with the cop and one with Walt. So she's delighted Walt wants to sleep with her... except Walt has realized that he isn't in love with her, even though he loves her dearly. So he breaks up with her. That was fast. Then again, I guess fast is better than seven episodes of them torturing each other.
Carrie and Dorrit
Carrie wanders past Dorrit with the suspicion that her rebellion style is awfully '90s.
Dorrit, Carrie, Maggie, Mouse
But then all the friends gather to eat peanut butter and jelly and saltine-cracker sandwiches, and talk about Mouse's summer fling wanting her back, and Maggie getting dumped, and Dorrit having a not-very-good part yet. Everyone laughs and is happy and then probably a pillow fight starts, because of course that's what always happens at girly sleepovers, didn't you know?