George
So, Carrie is still dating Big Genial George, who does things like pick her up from work in a stretch limo while wielding hot chocolate. Basically, he is a slacks-clad dreamboat. OR IS HE. Spoiler: The part about the slacks is true.
Carrie and Sebastian
However, Carrie still gets all awkward aroudn Sebastian, even going so far as to trip into his arms in her sensible pseudo-Keds. She babbles at him a lot and he gives her patronizing looks, like she is the adorable school mascot he has to hang out with just long enough to make sure their rival school doesn't kidnap her.
Mouse, Mags, Carrie
So these three have a Diner Chat about whether Carrie is still all squiggly over Sebastian (she is), whether she should invite George to the dance (yes), and whether Mouse will give up the secret of the deodorant that lets her wear such constantly heavy sweaters with blouses underneath without her armpits stinking up the joint (no, but I wish she would).
Carrie
There is a bit here where Carrie is talking about her boss having a sex life, and she gets squeamish and says that if she's still dating and talking about boys when she's in her thirties, she hopes they'll smack her. Such a teenage viewpoint. Also, a slightly too coy shoutout to SATC. Maybe Mouse and Mags DID smack her and that's why they all stopped being friends.
Carrie looks especially angelic, because just as she's rehashing Sebastian being the Heather Locklear of their Thanksgiving (as in, special guest star), who should walk in but the devil incarnate...
Donna and the Jens
It's Donna LaDonna, trying to rise above her matching names, and failing.
Donna and the Jens
Donna -- who calls her matching, crispy friends The Jens -- acts like Carrie did her a favor taking in Sebastian on Thanksgiving, because she was just so busy (we know Sebastian picked Carrie over Donna, but Carrie does not). It's a drive-by designed to avoid Carrie feeling like she has any upper hand here, and it works -- as soon as Donna Madonna leaves, Carrie gets squirrelly. These three continue to be a hilariously clad trio, also -- like a New Jersey Mall barfed on Degrassi High.
Donna
Even better, Donna shows up the next day in snow-wash jeans and a shirt with hot-pink ladders for arms. She gloats that Maggie is going solo to the dance because they didn't want to pay Walt to be in this episode -- I mean, he has "chicken pox" -- and blah blah blah Donna clearly has insecurity issues about Carrie and Sebastian.
Interview
Meanwhile, Carrie gets to see the proofs of her bag's big Interview spread, and the headline under it is ridiculous. It reads like a news story in a daily paper. "EXTRA EXTRA: PAINTED PURSE MAKES A BIG SPLASH! Woman soaked in grisly H2O aftermath!"
Larissa
So Carrie tells Larissa to do a Pollock pun in the headline, and gives her some awful idea to do an adult playground shoot with Lacroix onesies, and Larissa is so blown away that she offers Carrie an internship. I had kind of hoped this would turn out to be a farce, and that Larissa would be one of those posers who doesn't actually have the job nor the clout she pretends to have. But in fact, so far, she is as legit as her clothes are screamingly loud.
Diner Chat
Mags: TAKE THE INTERNSHIP.
Carrie: BUT BUT BUT.
MOUSE: I got a B+ on my test because I was having too much sex with Seth and also your Dad got you that law-firm job and you should respect that.
Carrie: BUT BUT BUT.
Nobody: Hey, what are the hours Is she even okay with you coming in just once a week? Are you going to tell her you're 16? Why is she offering you an internship if she thinks you're an adult with a paying job at a law firm?
Mags: SHUT UP HEATHER. SHE SHOULD TAKE THE JOB BECAUSE OF STORY.
Carrie: BUT BUT BUT.
Mouse: SHUT UP MAGS. She should not take the job because of her dad.
Me: Team Dadshaw, y'all.
Carrie
Do we really think Carrie would've had heels this high at this point in time? Whatever happened to those sensible 1.5-inch slingbacks that screamed 1984 in the most hive-inducingly appropriate way?
Carrie
Carrie starts to tell Dadshaw, but he goes off on how hard he worked to get her the job and convince the school it was a good idea, and she can't bring herself to tell him she wants to quit and work for Interview. Also, I am surprised there has been no scene of her and her friends shopping. Carrie never repeats an outfit, so you know she's getting them from somewhere. Where are the good mall scenes? Give me some 1984 shopping meccas.
Carrie
cut
These Kids Today (Except, Thirty Years Ago)
FINALLY some '80s formalwear madness. Look at the sleeves on the girl on the right. They might have actual helium in there.
The Gang
Carrie's dress is a crazy Jessica McClintock puffball nightmare, in the best way, and I have to give major ups to AnnaSophia Robb for looking adorable throughout this show even in a poodle of an updo. Mouse is in a dress that appears to be compensating for not being a sweater by taking all the fabric that would've MADE it a sweater and putting it on her shoulders. And Mags is wearing a dress that I want right now.
Mags
That hair is in every one of my sister's yearbooks. Splendid.
Donna, Sebastian, Carrie
Donna drags Sebastian over so that she can force him to acknowledge Carrie's boyfriend. George is typically chill about the whole thing, and Sebastian looks like he wants to tear out George's throat. Wonderful subtlety, Sebastian. Then again, '80s love interests were never known for subtlety.
Pucker up, buttercup
Mags was feeling lonely without Walt, so she goes outside, and poof, there is her cop. Staking out a high school. And then sticking his tongue in the mouth of his boss's teenage daughter in full view of everyone.
Carrie and George
This is the world's stiffest slow dance, and not in the way George likely wanted.
Sebastian
"I am going to BROOD the SHIT out of you."
Dorrit
Oh, right, these two: Dorrit's Nutcracker tickets came, which her mother ordered per their tradition. Dadshaw tries to go with her but he doesn't do everything exactly right -- well, except get her to scrape off her eyeliner -- so Dorrit acts like a brat and then confesses that she feels like he is Carrie's, and the mother was Dorrit's, and she doesn't know how to be by herself with him. Stefania Owen looks so nice. Hopefully Dadshaw will bond with her by giving her more Pond's Cold Cream.
Donna LaDonna
Donna, of course, sees Sebastian glowering at Carrie as she makes out with, and then leaves with, George. So SHE storms outside to have a swig of liquid comfort, and instead spies Maggie tumbling out of a cop car PARKED IN FRONT OF THE SCHOOL DOORS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE and straightening her clothes.
Donna
So Donna, summoning the full bitchface force of her crimped hair and bitter furrow, tells Maggie that she'll blab her secret to everyone unless Maggie makes Carrie leave Sebastian alone. I like Maggie now, but she doesn't use a lot of facial range, so I appreciate Donna for giving me the most entertaining screen grabs. This face looks like somebody just showed her a picture of what The Gap would be selling in 1993.
Mags and Carrie
Carrie, meanwhile, had to fend off George's suddenly aggressive advances, rude insinuations that she's a tease, and suggested blow jobs. Genial George suddenly turned into Genital George, which is super boring -- also, whatever happened to his mother being Carrie's mom's best friend? I feel like that connection wouldn't have ended after ten minutes of one episode. Anyway, it leads to these two walking home together, and Mags tells Carrie everything -- EVERYTHING -- and Carrie is a really good friend about it, but reminds Maggie that Walt needs to hear the truth and he needs to hear it from her and not Donna. It's a nice scene because I never bought that Maggie would cave to the blackmail of a third-rate Heather Chandler, and indeed she didn't.
Mouse and Seth
These two decided to break up because they're both over-achievers who were getting in the way of their big academic dreams. Good for Mouse for putting her brain first, but also... seriously, Seth is just going to apply his hormones to other girls at college, so he might as well stick with Mouse and learn to balance his books with his banging. Then again, I am rooting for a torrid and off-limits Mouse/Sebastian hookup, so this makes room for that.
Dadshaw
And these two crazy kids make up because he buys her the almonds she loves, even though she pretended she didn't. It's... okay, sure. The hug was sweet, anyway. And the story about him trying to connect with the kid he didn't know as well is actually moving. I just wish Dorrit didn't begin EVERY episode unspeakably surly and end it really warm and fuzzy, because my arms are getting tired from all the lather-rinse-repeat.
Larissa
And GUESS WHO is wearing awful pants. She looks like a genie, a Golden Girl, and and a drunk at Royal Ascot, all at once.
Carrie
And this means Carrie accepted the internship. There was some introspective blah-blah about living HER life (scored to, I'm not kidding, "It's My Life") and not someone else's, and then boom, she's at Interview. So, kid, did you bother to ask the details? Did you talk to your father? Did you think blowing off the other gig FOR YOUR FATHER'S BEST FRIEND would not get back to him? I guess we'll find out... next week? You can tell I'm a parent because instead of championing her independence I'm sitting here going, "MISSIE, YOU GET BACK TO CONNECTICUT THIS MINUTE AND HAVE AN HONEST CONVERSATION WITH YOUR FATHER." Sigh. At least Grace Jones is there to comfort me. I could get used to that.