> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # Fug the Show: Dallas, episode 6 - URL: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-dallas-episode-6-2/ - Published: 2013-03-01T19:00:55.000Z - Updated: 2013-02-28T22:33:57.000Z - Author: Heather - Tags: #wp, #wp-gallery, #slideshow, #Import 2026-10-07 07:31 ## Ann ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/dimg_3292.xml) So, Ann has gone from sensible pants to sensible prison jumpsuits. She can hang. Sue Ellen comes to visit and exposits for us that the sentencing hearing is soon. We will find out what kind of budget this show has based on how many episodes in the clink she's asked to spend. ## Sue Ellen, Elena, Christopher ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/dimg_3295.xml) Sue Ellen also takes a moment to harass Elena about her oil profits. She's irked that Elena hasn't given her an update on their progress, and I have to say, as much as Sue Ellen is making this super personal, she's not wrong. Elena SHOULD be giving her progress reports, no matter WHO is on trial for attempted murder. Unless it's her. Elena is also very excited about her new curling iron, which has led to her ponytail ending in one perfect corkscrew that might be a weapon if she spins her head around too fast. ## Tony Almeida ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/dimg_3296.xml) Venezuela wants this dude back. I think we all know that is not going to happen. ## John Ross ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/dimg_3299.xml) John Ross tells Sue Ellen about the morality clause, and when she presses him, he admits that although he didn't force Andres to break the law he did make sure Andres got caught. Sue Ellen seemingly sees through it but then decides to do what he wants. AGAIN. I suppose she has a point. She DID invest in an oil project that Elena blew off for a long time so she could dump John Ross and have sex with Christopher. I wonder if they're setting it up so that Sue Ellen picks up the JR mantle. That would be okay. If anyone could do it, it's this lady. ## HAGMAN ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/dimg_3303.xml) You know this is a deleted scene because last week, he was using his new tablet with glee, and this week he's being shown how to use it by a nursemaid. It's weird. I don't want to see JR Ewing staring technology in the face and whining about it. i want to see JR Ewing using an iPad while one of the Hagbrows is playing Angry Birds on an iPad Mini. ## Lordy ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/dimg_3307.xml) And so while Bobby is working, JR is IM'ing him videos of dogs doing things. To cheer him up. FROM THE GREAT BEYOND. (I see you, *Dallas*.) At least there aren't any cats in this video. Or words spelled with surprise Zs. ## Elena and Andres ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/dimg_3308.xml) Andres says he didn't know he was doing something illegal and that he was framed. Elena orders him to plead guilty so they can all move on, and, intimidated by the full force of her business-formal attire, he agrees. ## Judith and Harris ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/dimg_3314.xml) Bobby gets up on the stand and tells everyone about Ann's background as a therapist for abused women, and what a pair they were. The jury seems sympathetic, because when Bobby talks, people are instantly soothed. Judith Light tries to bitch-slap him with her pupils. ## John Ross ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/dimg_3318.xml) Pamela and Christopher agree to full shared custody and a post-birth annulment, in exchange for 10 percent of Ewing Energies. John Ross thinks he's getting it, but Cliff's pride in Pamela makes her change her mind and decide to keep them. John Ross is angry, and gets out his ocular fireballs to prove it. ## Emma ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/dimg_3325.xml) Bobby tells Emma they she has a whole bonus family over at Southfork, if she ever needs anything. Emma is all, "WELL I WON'T," and Bobby's like, "RIIIIIIIIGHT," and leaves her to marinate in her flagrant uncertainty. Since she's not related to any of the Ewings by blood, I assume this means John Ross is about to get a new bedfellow. Or maybe Elena's brother will. Basically, SOMEBODY is Emma's future bedfellow. She might as well get over there and hasten it. ## Elena ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/dimg_3328.xml) Elena puts on powerpants to get Andres to sign his plea deal. But Christopher figures out what John Ross is up to, and that a guilty plea will seal their fate and take everything of Elena's away. It's too late, though: Andres signs it right when Elena busts in to stop him. It's sweet of Chris to call, but you'd think he'd text, "SOS, don't sign, call 4 deets." Because Christopher totally uses numbers and abbrevs for words. U no it. ## Ann and Emma ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2013/02/dIMG_3330.png) Wow, prison allowed Ann to get all dolled up WAY in advance of her sentencing. She gets a visit from Emma, who says very little, but sits there looking like she swallowed a cactus while Ann describes how Harris made her feel totally inadequate and paranoid and then promises Emma, "It will get easier." Except that's a lie, because it never did for Ann. Nice try, though. Emma is clearly drawn to her, but the part that's missing here is that she's not withdrawing from her creepy father even though clearly somewhere along the line here she's starting to doubt him. ## Sue Ellen ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/dimg_3333.xml) Sue Ellen pops by to ruin everyone's day, and an infuriated Bobby grabs the backup cloud drive -- the one that proves John Ross and JR were behind all the shenanigans from last season -- and plugs it into his machine. And POOF, it erases. Apparently, JR, who is psychic and also a secret tech genius, sent Bobby a virus along with the dog video that would erase the drive. I hope it turns out his nursemaid is also a dangerous cyberterrorist. ## HOSTAGE! ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/dimg_3337.xml) Tony Almeida, instead of going back home, decides to pop by Southfork and do some stealing and killing. He gathers the Ewings together, and instead of shooting one of them to make his point -- I seriously kept expecting him to fire off-screen and then have someone shriek, "NOT JR!!!" -- he just sits them down, tells Christopher to go get his Science Briefcase, and threatens to shoot Elena if he takes longer than an hour. Well, first he threatens to shoot Pamela, because he thinks they're still married, which is actually sort of funny. He puts a gun to Pamela's face and Christopher is like, "Ehhh....." and then John Ross freaks out. ## Sentencing ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/dimg_3339.xml) Ann gets up on the stand and describes more of her fragile, compromised mental and emotional state at the hands of her evil bearded ex and his overinvested mother -- which, if I recall, was supposed to be part of Ann's defense, so why didn't she say all this earlier? I guess they had to get the most bang for their buck from the courtroom set. ## John Ross ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2013/02/dIMG_3341.png) Meanwhile, Elena wants to know why John Ross is trying to ruin her, and he admits -- in case they all die -- that it's because she broke his heart, and he is a big whiny whiner who whines. ## Judith ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2013/02/dIMG_3346.png) Ann is being sentenced. She's curious why nobody from her family is there, but it doesn't matter: The jury sentences her to probation, and when Judith Light stands up and shrieks that THIS IS A TRAAAAAAVESTY. The judge basically tells her that SHE is a travesty (I wish they had said exactly that) an gives a long lecture about how Ann was convicted on the facts, but sentenced on the circumstances, and that Harris and Judith are gross assholes who haven't taken any responsibility for their gross assholitude. This is true. ## HOSTAGE FIGHT! ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/dimg_3348.xml) Christopher fails to beat up the henchman at the office, so he brings the Science Briefcase back to Southfork, at which point John Ross pretends to attack him and then they FLING themselves at the men with guns, and conveniently knock all the weapons away. And there is a lot of ACTING with fists. ## BANG ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/dimg_3351.xml) And right when Tony is about to shoot Christopher and take Elena away forever, Christopher covers Elena with his body... and a bullet pierces Tony Almeida's chest. JR Ewing's last act of heroism? ## Andres ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/dimg_3352.xml) Nope. Elena's brother, it turns out, is a sharpshooter who keeps a rifle under the bed. He came home and saved the day. I kept waiting and waiting for Tony Almeida to shoot JR in his bed, or for Andres to try and save the day but kill JR by accident instead... and, no. This was a really lukewarm hostage crisis, frankly. This guy is supposed to be one seriously bad dude. There's no way he wouldn't have shot someone just for sport, even just in the foot. ## Bobby and Ann ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/dimg_3354.xml) Bobby tells Sue Ellen that today is proof that they are better when they stick together, so she should do the right thing and return Elena's shares to her. But first, he needs to nibble on Ann's ear a little. ## Ewing Energies ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2013/02/dIMG_3355.png) Sue Ellen takes his advice... and sticks by John Ross. She puts on a foxy pantsuit and boring shoes and introduces herself as EE's newest board member. Bobby is seriously displeased. ## John Ross ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2013/02/dIMG_3356.png) And John Ross gives him the Ratface. ## Bobby ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/dimg_3358.xml) And then BOBBY gives them the Righteous Rage Furrow, and announces to everyone that he doesn't like to fight. But when he does, HE WINS, DAMMIT. Put up your dukes, Ewings. But first, we have to grieve. [Fug the Show: Dallas, episode 6Well, this is it: The episode where Hagman had died (which means JR must expire next week...) and they had to insert him into it with random cutaways and deleted footage from other episodes. It is... ham-handed, but I have sympathy. He was glaringly absent during the big hostage standoff at the end, which ... yes, there was a big hostage standoff at the end. Sort of. Sigh. I enjoy this show but I may not keep recapping it after Hagman is gone -- I'm not sure there is enough interest, and maybe it's apt to go out when JR does. We'll see. First, let's all hold each other and try to get through it next week.![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/dimg_3292.xml)](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-dallas-episode-6-2-03-2013/)