> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # Fug the Show: Dallas recap, season 3, episode 2 - URL: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-dallas-recap-season-3-episode-2/ - Published: 2014-03-06T23:00:47.000Z - Updated: 2014-03-06T09:12:40.000Z - Author: Heather - Tags: #wp, #wp-gallery, #slideshow, #Import 2026-10-07 07:37 ## Booze! ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass2e2-1.xml) Sue Ellen is drinking again. She's also asking Bum -- JR's old long-haired PI who is kind of the best and I'm happy he's still employed; he is ALSO, for newbies, the man who ACTUALLY shot JR, upon JR's dying request, so that they could frame Cliff -- to spy on John Ross. She is not stupid, and when she saw John Ross coming out of Emma's room she sniffed out an infidelity. She's obsessed with whether he's as gross to women as JR was, and then she makes sweet love to her pocket flask just the way JR would to a lady in a hot tub: sloshily and with little subtlety. ## Smugness! ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass2e2-2.xml) Mitch "Harris Ryland" Pileggi is looking for the files Emma stole that got him imprisoned, and she catches him in the act, shocked that he's free. He threatens her with the loony bin if she doesn't stop working with the Ewings and give Ryland Transport back to him (so that he can use it to run drugs again and forestall Emma being MURDERED by a bunch of tragic humans). I LOVE a show where a guy can threaten to drug up and lock up his daughter by noting he did the same thing to his MOTHER after he pushed her down the stairs. ## Blase! ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass2e2-3.xml) John Ross promises he won't let Emma get exiled to Crackpot Island, and then proceeds to make a business call while she's trying to have sex with him, in the most woefully, wonderfully dismissive way (even though she basically dares him to concentrate while she's denuding his wang of cotton). ## Symbolism! ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2014/03/DallasS2e2.4.jpg) And GUESS whose long lens is watching. Bum later lies to Sue Ellen that John Ross didn't go near Emma, and then gives John Ross the pictures and points out WISELY that when you are having covert sex, doing it in A PENTHOUSE WITH FLOOR TO CEILING WINDOWS AND NO CURTAINS is a really stupid way to go, especially because this town is crawling with PIs, and people who hate Ewings. Bum also gets off a good line: "Grow into your father's greatness, not his weakness," or somesuch, and John Ross looks unsettled but I'm pretty confident his junk will recover quickly from that. ## Windows! ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass2e2-6.xml) Here's who else does all their secret dealings in front of GIANT OPEN PORTALS TO TELEPHOTO LENSES: Elena and Nicholas/Joaquin. Why has John Ross not sicced Bum on this NyQuil guy yet? Anyway, they're looking for proof that the Ewings framed Cliff, but nothing Elena has stolen yet is giving her anything, because she's stealing corporate files and the Ewings are not stupid enough to keep their REVENGE in a giant box someplace easy to find, AHEM, EMILY THORNE. ## Trustworthy! ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass2e2-7.xml) John Ross blackmails his geophysicist or whatever to make sure his mad science proves he has the right to frak Southfork. There is a lot of the word "frak" in this episode and it's about as sexy as you'd think. Let's skip to the end, in fact: Bill Nye the Science Guy tells Bobby that John Ross tried to bribe him, Bobby lets him keep the cash anyway because he respects the guy's honesty, and then the survey comes up John Ross anyway and he storms around spitting, "I'M FRAKKING SOUTHFORK." Southfrak Ranch, here we come. ## The boss! ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass2e2-8.xml) Mitch hears a noise, so he pulls his gun and then BOOM: It's Judith Light, staggering in on legs only recently weening themselves off morphine. Emma sprang her from the drughouse to piss off Mitch. But once she saunters away, Judith drawls to Mitch that SHE's running Ryland Transport now, and so she'd better meet the drug lords who want to shoot them all in the heads so that she can make a deal and then also maybe get some. Seriously. There really is an implication that she thinks Mexican cartel guys are sexpots. I LOVE a show that lets its characters of all ages do interesting things, and have libidos. ## Transparency! ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass2e2-10.xml) MILLER LITE: The Official Beer Of Trying To Make Googly Eyes At That Dude While Drinking From A Bottle So That He Gets Fancy Ideas. ## Hattitude! ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass2e2-9.xml) Sue Ellen is not best pleased that John Ross is flirting with everything in sight that has ladybreasts. ## WTF!!!!!! ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass2e2-11.xml) And neither is Emma, who is shunted off to the side of this scene because THAT OUTFIT IS TERRIBLE. I genuinely believe that as soon as the director got a load of this, they all wrote Emma's natural reaction shots out of this scene so that we didn't have to see this again. Her glaring at John Ross is the important beat in this moment and she's having it so far on screen right that she might as well be in Houston. ## Drunkface! ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass2e2-12.xml) Drunkface sassed Christopher about all the potential frakking, and he promised he was trying to stop it, so this leads to him inviting her to the barbecue. Even though, as a Southfork employee, wouldn't they let her come anyway? Aren't the Ewings benevolent overlords? Anyway, Drunkface brings with her that rather fetching dark dye job and some aggressive boob darts, and she and Christopher do the two-step, because that is as high as he can count. Later, she plants one on him and tells him that whenever he's ready for some rebound sex, he should come find her. Christopher loves shiny things so he's like, "YAY!" ## Sexytime! ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass2e2-14.xml) Pamela is paranoid about John Ross anytime he smiles at anything female, including the TWO different extras he's been hitting on so far today. So she grabs NyQuil and they GET ON IT on the dance floor. "I am in non-drowsy mode tonight!" he shouts. ## Unimpressed! ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass2e2-13.xml) John Ross's reaction is basically, "Weak sauce, Pam." ## Mind games! ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass2e2-15.xml) MILLER LITE: The Official Beer Of Psyching Out Your Enemy By Pretending You Don't Know He Dated Elena And Sniffing Around Whether She Is Single, While Also Forgetting To Turn Around The Bottle So The Label Shows. ## Nyah! ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass2e2-16.xml) MILLER LITE: The Official Beer Of Check It Fool My Label Is Right Here I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE And Also I'm Investigating Your Business Dealings And I Want To Buy You Away From Cliff. It is not yet the official beer of success, though: Despite Chris thinking he caught NyQuil in a big lie about his biz dealings outside the States -- and they could use it to end his ability to make decisions on behalf of Cliff that prevent them from selling off divisions to pay for Arctic leases -- John Ross cannot wait for the frak. HE WILL FRAK. ## Hugs! ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass2e2-17.xml) Elena tells her mother that NyQuil is coming but won't tell her why, and her mother decides this is because THE DEVIL HAS GOTTEN HER, because she's not stupid and she knows any secret around these parts means Cliff Barnes is involved. She then hugs him later and delivers a grizzled warning that if he jacks with her offspring, he will pay. Someone brought this up in last week's recap: If the Ramos family has lived on Southfork forever, when the hell did they take in this guy, and for how long, to where the Ewings have no idea he existed? ## Success! ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass2e2-20.xml) NyQuil apparently went to the gym to wake himself up while Elena does all the work. She snuck in and got information off Bobby's computer, and turned up an e-mail from Bobby to their ally in Mexico that says, "Rhonda will play ball about JR," or somesuch, which Elena helpfully notes refers to the "eyewitness" who placed Cliff in the place where JR was shot. They are sure they've succeeded. I hope they closed the blinds. ## HIJINKS ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass2e2-22.xml) This scene rules: Judith Light limps into their Mexican contacts' drug den, and lasciviously opens her blouse and makes him give her a frisky frisking so that it's clear she's not wearing a wire. Mitch Pileggi looks hilariously grossed out by having to watch this. Then she lays down some iron will and makes a drug deal with them, comes up with a way to get around border checks, and forces them to let her charge them more, because, I've said it before and I'll say it forever, SHE IS THE BOSS. ## Sniff! ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass2e2-23.xml) And THEN she demands a sample of the wares, sniffs two lines of cocaine, and purrs, "MAMA LIKE." It's hilarious. Judith Light is a treasure and Mitch Pileggi looks like he wants to throw up all over her the whole time. ## Wires! ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass2e2-24.xml) But guess who WAS bugged, as it turns out? Mitch you devilish cad. ## WHA? ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass2e2-5.xml) Bobby and Ann are shocked as hell to learn that Mitch is out of jail. I am shocked as hell that Ann isn't in great pants all the time this season, nor brandishing rifles all over town. And these two together are even MORE shocked when they're corralled while trying to leave Southfork, driven to a safe house, and informed that they need to stop investigating Mitch's suspicious release from prison because he is working for THE CIA. How do we know this? ## Badge! ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass2e2-25.xml) Because CIA Agent George Dataworld tells them so. Now, I finally figured out that this does not actually say DATAWORLD but it took A REALLY LONG TIME and he will forever be CIA Agent George Dataworld to me. Assuming we ever see him again. I hope it turns out that IS his name and he's a FAKE agent and later Mitch says to Bobby, "You believed that dumb ass name? GEORGE DATAWORLD? You DESERVE to get frakked." But in the meantime, now Mitch -- for the past four years -- has been drug-running for the side of good. Which doesn't excuse any of his emotional and chemical abuses of other people, so I hope Ann doesn't let it. STAY STRONG. [Fug the Show: Dallas recap, season 3, episode 2Please watch this show, Fug Nation, because it is DISHY. Judith Light snorts blow and drawls a lot! Sue Ellen drinks! People revenge-dance! I was lamenting the other day the lack of great soaps -- and thus, great soaps to parody in the brilliant vein of Tootsie and Soapdish -- but Dallas is slinging the heat at night in a way Revenge could only hope to do. Because on Revenge nobody remembers what anyone's motivations are, or who is blackmailing whom, and why, and what the HELL is even happening (ditto Pretty Little Liars). On Dallas, it's super clear, and that's why it works: Cliff Barnes hates the Ewings, no matter what, and lives to make OTHER people hate the Ewings; the Ewings hate Cliff and love winning; Sue Ellen loves alcohol and her son, and her affinity for one increases apace with her disillusionment with the other (just like with JR before him). And all the other allegiance-shifting that happens in between is pretty well plotted, so that you're never confused, and you can't be bored because Judith Light does coke and purrs things like, "When morality and money come at each other on a one-way road, morality gets run into the DITCH." DAMN SKIPPY.![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass2e2-1.xml)](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-dallas-recap-season-3-episode-2-03-2014/)