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# Fug the Show: Dallas recap, season 3, episode 3
- URL: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-dallas-recap-season-3-episode-3/
- Published: 2014-03-15T16:00:43.000Z
- Updated: 2014-03-14T07:03:29.000Z
- Author: Heather
- Tags: #wp, #wp-gallery, #slideshow, #Import 2026-10-07 07:37

## Love pancakes

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass3ep3-1.xml)

So, John Ross and Pamela are being all schmoopy in the Ewing kitchen, squirting each other with whipped cream and licking it off clavicles and whatnot -- standard regular behavior when you live in the same house as all of your relatives and any of them might come into the kitchen at a moment's notice.

## Hideous

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass3ep3-2.xml)

And sure enough, Emma walks in, ready for a day by the pool, and while Pamela's back is turned she starts flashing her red bathing suit at John Ross. And Sue Ellen, lingering by a doorframe, sees this too, unbeknownst to them. So she's still pretty sure John Ross and Emma are drilling for sex oil.

## Poor Emma Bell

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass3ep3-3.xml)

And, Emma then spends a bunch of time lying by the pool in this crotch sling, reading "Moby Dick," which amuses me for a lot of reasons. I also applaud them for not picking something actively saucy, and I hope the next time she's reading something that also has a word in the title with another meaning. Has anyone written "Wang and Punishment" yet, or something?

Anyway, Sue Ellen shares her suspicions with Ann, who gently prods Emma to tell her things and gets a faceful of brat in return.

## Bummer

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass3ep3-3-5.xml)

Sue Ellen, meanwhile, lays an elaborate and obvious guilt trip on Bum, telling him she's SO sorry she made him follow John Ross, and gee, she almost caught herself wanting Bum to follow him again, but it's not RIGHT because she's just haunted by the ghosts of JR's infidelities, and she shouldn't layer those onto her son, and Bum is a GOOD and LOYAL MAN so LET'S TOAST JOHN ROSS'S HEROIC FIDELITY. Bum is clearly totally bummed out. I'm not sure how he didn't spot this guilt trip a mile away. It's wearing a hat and shooting off fireworks from its belt buckle.

## Mama Like

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2014/03/dallass3ep3.3.6.jpg)

Judith Light only gets one scene, and she drawls and draws it out into inane majesty, as usual. Ann has told Mitch Pileggi that Emma is acting out and probably nailing John Ross, and so he tells Judith that she'd better fix it because she's in deep with the cartel now and yada yada yada. Judith is like, "Weeeeeeeyellll, maaaah instiiiiinct fah self-presahvaaaaation is strooooong," and manages to disparage Mitch's ability to come up with a plan even though he's clearly fobbing it off on her intentionally. I'm going to be sorry to see her eventual downfall, because she is an absurdist hoot.

## WTF

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass3ep3-3-7.xml)

It seemed important to share this with you. This is the face he makes when Bum catches him being indiscreet with Emma AGAIN -- I think they might even be in the Ewing Global offices but I can't tell -- and John Ross totally mocks him and doesn't care and is even like, 'Well, if you're so worried about my marriage, hurry up and find a way to get what I want," or whatever, and so Bum hops on the S.S. Guilt and takes a trip to Sue Ellen's door and tells her that her son is a dirty hooooor.

## Our New Web site

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2014/03/dallass3ep3.4.jpg)

The ranch hands are really ticked off that John Ross is drilling on Southfork, so they trash the work site and punch him in the face, which is satisfying on several levels. I would also like to thank the show for spraying "Go Frak Yourself" on one of the trailers, because Jessica and I had just been discussing how we want to start a new site dedicated to drilling anything and everything -- teeth, walls, soil, dance teams -- and now I feel like we have the right name.

## Egobrow

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass3ep3-5.xml)

You also needed to know that the egobrow was in FULL effect this week. John Ross knows that one of the ranch hands was giving Emma pills, so he blackmails the guy into getting all the Southfork people hired on to do his project instead -- so that everyone makes money, but John Ross still gets his way and nobody punches him in the nose anymore (fat chance of THAT). This appears to work for about ten minutes...

## The Caged Bird Sings

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2014/03/dallass3ep3.6.jpg)

... until Bobby has a brainwave: He claims (and fakes, I believe) that an endangered bird lives at the drill site and so they can't get permits to frak there until a months-long investigation concludes. It's a brilliant gambit that lets Patrick Duffy play a little lightness and comedy, which I always appreciate, and it ALSO leads to this...

## BIRDCAM

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2014/03/dallass3ep3.7.jpg)

... which is, a POV cam of the CAGE. Not even the BIRD's point of view, because we can see it hanging out in there. It's, like, What The Back Wall Of The Cage Sees, and that is John Ross's annoyed face, and a whole lot of Robot Chicken or whatever the bird is supposed to be.

## Crazypants

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass3ep3-8.xml)

Emma is in a really cute laser-cut top, so it's nice that the show has rewarded her entertainingness with some less awful outfits, FINALLY. Pam invited her on a trousseau shopping spree for some girl time, and Emma comes along for the mischief of it; when Pam asks her if she's seeing anyone, she glibly says she is, but it's just great sex so far, and Pam is all, "JOHN ROSS IS SO GOOD IN BED," and this makes Emma dive into her crazypants with both legs. She talks Pamela into buying a Merry Widow to wear that very night, and then Emma goes back and buys the same one -- [it's the one from the opening credits](https://www.gofugyourself.com/fug-the-show-dallas-recap-season-3-episode-1-02-2014/img%5F9977-1024x768?ref=go-fug-yourself.ghost.io) \-- and nabs John Ross first, and makes him leave it on her while they have sex so that he will REMEMBER it, which predictably leads to...

## Worst Negligee Ever

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2014/03/dallass3ep3.9.jpg)

... Pamela throwing off her robe and John Ross having massive acid flashbacks, and looking like he wants to vomit, and begging off sex in favor of taking a shower. Pamela is SERIOUSLY freaked out because John Ross has never met a ladypart he didn't want to investigate immediately. Also, we need to note that this Merry Widow looks TERRIBLE on BOTH of them, and they are both lovely people, so clearly it is DEMON LINGERIE.

## Cliff vs Christopher = Cliff always wins

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2014/03/dallass3ep3.10.jpg)

Christopher is the worst. Why? Because he's MILDLY onto the whiff of something vaguely strange about Joaquin/Nicolas, and so instead of letting his enemies think they're winning, Christopher GOES TO CLIFF to tell him, "Hey, I'm pretty sure I'm onto something and I'm looking into it and so I'll tell you EXACTLY what it is that I'm thinking." The first lesson of being a Ewing should be: Don't give your enemies an equal playing field. SNEAK UP ON THEM, YOU IDIOT. Obviously Cliff is still pulling strings from prison. Don't give him another one to yank.

## Strange Things Are Afoot at the Circle K

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass3ep3-11.xml)

So, Christopher bumps into a kid on the street, who clearly picks his pocket and gives his wallet to two burly men in a car. And does Christopher notice? No. Instead, Chris goes into a convenience store and quizzes the guy about Nicolas, who was once his business partner and stole his patents. The dude proffers a folder of evidence that Nicolas did not exist prior to a specific year, and does Christopher realize his wallet is missing when he goes to buy something as a thank-you for this man's help? NO, because he does not make that offer. Doesn't he even need a SNACK?

## Blackmail

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass3ep3-12.xml)

Joaquinicolas goes to see Rhonda, the witness who put Cliff in the bar the night JR was shot, and offers her money to tell the truth. She, wonderfully, arranges to meet him later and it turns out she's brought BOBBY, whom she called for advice. Bobby asks her to tell the truth, and apparently what she said IS the truth, so Joaquinicolas lets her keep the money, and Bobby says, "Sometimes, the truth hurts," and Joaquinicolas says, "We'll see who it hurts more." The interesting thing about this storyline is that Joaquinicolas and Elena and Cliff ARE in the right, and yet I am still rooting for Bobby to win. It's good work on the part of the writers.

## Sexy Fun Times

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2014/03/dallass3ep3.13.jpg)

Joaquinicolas gives Elena a massage after a rough day of dead ends -- the shooting range has no footage from the day the murder weapon went missing from his locker -- and this later turns to foster brother/sister sex. They both seem extremely comfortable with having grown up together as quasi-siblings and yet now getting it on, so that's nice for them, I guess. In fact, Elena grew up with both John Ross and Christopher as well. Her only boyfriends on this show are people who in some senses were as close to her as brothers without actually BEING her brothers. She should maybe see a therapist.

## Dumbtopher

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass3ep3-14.xml)

This fool. So, he has now stayed overnight at this hotel in Mexico and STILL does not know his wallet is missing. I guess he just charged everything to his room and stayed in watching high-quality porn. So now he's leaving for the airport, and a strange car pulls up full of threatening men, and they're like, 'You want to know about Nicolas? GET IN," and instead of taking a second to text someone and say, "If I'm never heard from again, here is what's happening," he just ... gets in. He then takes a piece of candy from a stranger and runs with scissors.

## A Woman Scorned

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass3ep3-15.xml)

And where these men take him is: Joaquinicolas's house. Where he meets HIS WIFE AND TWO KIDS, who just returned to town from wherever he sent them to protect them from stuff. So right as Elena is bedding down with her almost-brother, Christopher is talking to his wife, who may or may not be estranged, or ex, or evil, or whatever. We will find out. But I appreciate that this adds another layer of SCANDAL REVENGE to the proceedings. Bless you, Dallas.

[Fug the Show: Dallas recap, season 3, episode 3Even when Judith Light only has one scene, and the episode itself doesn't achieve much, somehow Dallas manages to be very juicy indeed. Here, we get some sexual shenanigans and a piece of lingerie that is direct from the mall in Hell.![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/dallass3ep3-1.xml)](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-dallas-recap-season-3-episode-3-03-2014/)