John Ross
So, John Ross and Pamela slept together. Big fun. I feel like it's a rookie move to snore peacefully, snug as a bug in an enemy rug, while your rival is up and about and potentially going through your things. John Ross gets lucky this time though. he and Pamela helpfully remind us that they're in bed together -- literally and figuratively -- so that they can ruin Christopher and Elena, steal Ewing Energies shares, etc. DASTARDLY.
Judith Light
Judith Light must be overcompensating for being asked to play the mother of a man three years her junior, because she is going full Al Pacino in this part. No scenery is safe. Here, she's drawling at Bobby that they will NEVAH punish her beloved Harris "Mitch Pileggi" Ryland for kidnapping Emma because Ann is a HOOR. Bobby is like, "I'm coming for you," and she replies, "Yah not mah type," which I would have written as "taaaaaahpe" but it read like gibberish.
Emma
Boring Emma boringly lets Ann give her side of the story, which Ann somehow does boringly and unconvincingly. Harris told Emma that Ann didn't want her, and instead of saying, "I had post-partum depression," Ann boringly says, "Yes," and then blahs about struggling and says nothing terribly convincing and so Emma boringly dismisses Ann's boring side of the story and even boringly shoves aside the boring memento box. BORING. (I like actually like this plot, but this scene was underwhelming, and part of it is that Emma only used one facial expression.)
HAGMAN
This man. Love. He reminds us all about the time Elena borrowed money from Sue Ellen to drill on neighboring land, and that loan was never repaid and oil was never struck. He wants John Ross to lean on Sue Ellen to get payment, which will somehow lead to Elena paying her back in shares, which Sue Ellen will then give to them. JR makes exposition fun. He licks his chops every time he speaks, even if he has nothing to say but, "Yes," and somehow carries it off in a way that's not melodramatic. Ahem, JUDITH.
Elena and Andres
Elena has a troubled brother -- he witnessed their father dying while trying to drill a dry hole (not a euphemism), and it turned him to a life of drugs. But he's back to clean up his life, and he's sober, and he's basically about to become pawn in Game of Life, just like Mongo. Also, Elena has a bunch of cute skirts now. She hasn't worn jeans all season.
Sue Ellen
Sue Ellen is trying to work at her foundation again, except now that she's a fallen lady, nobody cares. John Ross comes in and whimpers about Elena and Christopher flaunting their love, and Elena blowing off drilling and bleeding Sue Ellen dry. Sue Ellen insists that Elena wasn't playing her, and that being married to JR for so long means she knows when she's being played. EXCEPT: She gets played, because her heartstrings are tugged enough by his heartbreak that she promises to put the fear of God in Elena anyway. John Ross pretends to be all sad but mentally thanks his father for blessing him with a bow big enough to play anybody like an entire strings section.
Sigh
Here's all you need to know: Tommy's sister tries to play both sides again, so Frank (supposedly) kills her. Bye, Real Rebecca Sutter. Say hi to Tommy for us.
Sue Ellen
Sue Ellen comes to Elena's horrible office, with whatever that terrible artwork is -- seriously, is there a law that Texas energy execs have awful taste in decor? -- and rips into her for sleeping on the job. Elena says they hit a salt dome, but Sue Ellen gives her a month to strike oil before she collects on the debt. Elena runs to Christopher, and his secretary tells them that John Ross has been calling mommy a lot lately. These two thickies really need to just operate at 100 percent assumption that John Ross is an undermining douche, and adjust their behavior accordingly.
A little club soda won't get that out
The cops are investigating Tommy's disappearance because Christopher gave them his phone, with Pamela's threatening message. And they found blood in her floorboards. Guess Cliff's cleaners aren't so good after all. Maybe they should've just blown up the place.
JR
So JR pops by Hot Frank's place and offers him a deal: produce Tommy Sutter's body, and it'll land Pamela in jail so that Frank can reclaim the company. If he doesn't, JR will write a really nasty one-star Yelp review of his cleaning services.
JR
JR has a tablet, and this is what he was Googling. It's magnificent. That last one doesn't even form a full sentence: "During an interview last week, JR Ewing overstep his business ethics and boundaries..." I assume he's composing a vicious letter to that person's editor, to notify them that he only oversteps business ethics with correctly conjugated verbs.
HAGMAN
While JR is giggling over his self-Googling, Bobby comes in and asks JR to help him bring down Harris. And JR coos, "It'll be my masterpiece." And I BELIEVE HIM except that I know nature rudely interrupted this season by claiming TV's best villain. But it's a nice thought.
Pamela and John Ross
Meanwhile, these two insist they're only bedding each other for their Ewing Energies shares, and then John Ross shares a lot of Ewing energy with her. Also, she's looking mighty trim for a lady pregnant with twins. ALSO, is it good for your tiny twins if you get railroaded on your desk? Just asking.
Ann
Ann finds out that they can't prosecute Harris for kidnapping, so she goes to his house, all snarl and bile. I love Brenda Strong. She gives Ann total fierce dignity, and I love that she always appreciates Bobby wanting to fight her battles for her but can't ever actually bring herself to LET him. Anyway, after Harris checks her for a wire in the perviest way possible, she asks for the whole story, so he tells her all about how he stole their daughter and robbed her of every bedtime story and cuddle. "[Hearing this] make it any easier, does it?" he says. She replies, "Actually, it makes it a lot easier," and here is where I thought she had Emma stashed around a corner, ready to overhear how repellent her father is. BUT.
BANG
Instead she whips a gun out of her bag and shoots him once in the chest, with the chilliest affect. It's the DUMBEST THING, ANN -- this is not helping you win back the kid that hates you -- but it was awesome. This woman LOVES shooting things, or threatening to. Which generally I do not support, as a life choice, but there's something about her being a tough badass that I appreciate. Obviously she is frayed and feels pushed to the limits, but there's a steelyness to her that most women on TV don't get to have in these situations. Usually they are blubbering messes. But Ann doesn't blubber lightly and she CERTAINLY doesn't blubber at Harris. She's doing the wrong thing, but she isn't afraid of anything. I don't know. I am not explaining it very well, but I love this character, or maybe it's the way Brenda Strong plays her.
Mama
Judith Light is not best pleased.
Ann and Bobby
Ann comes home and drops the gun on the counter and starts washing her hands (if you REALLY want to feel like Lady Macbeth but without the muuuuurder, roast and peel some beets and then try to scrub THAT out). Bobby comes in and sees the gun, and to her credit, Ann is like, "Um, so yeah, I shot him." The cops are already on her tail so Bobby goes down to deal with them, but Ann appears at the top of the stairs and overhears "attempted murder," and says before she can stop herself, "He's not dead?!?" Oh, Ann. Although for some reason that made me laugh, and also like her more. I promise I am not pro-killing. To throw off the cops, Bobby immediately confesses to the shooting, because -- correctly -- he realizes that shooting the one parent she DOES like will not make Emma very fond of Ann. And somehow Bobby thinks he can get off, despite CONFESSING. Reluctantly, Ann and Christopher agree to his plan to take the fall.
Hot Frank
Hot Frank wrestles Tommy's smelly, decaying corpse out of the ground, and dry heaves a little before calling J.R. and offering him up this delicious maggoty talisman -- and with it, Pamela's merely figurative head on a platter -- in exchange for his hands staying clean.
HAGBROW
The Hagbrows are erect with glee.
HAGMAN
But J.R.'s face falls HUGELY when Frank drops the tidbit that John Ross is, nightly, putting his stallion in the Barnes.
When JR confronts John Ross, though, here is where I get disappointed: He KNOWS John Ross has been quietly having sex with his archrival's kid, and instead of keeping things close to the vest, he goes ahead and tells John Ross that they're going to send Pamela to prison because he flipped Frank. John Ross gives the world's LEAST convincing moony-eyed denial when JR asks if he has feelings for Pamela. JR, do you need your prescription checked? Because you're not reading people so clearly.
John Ross
John Ross decides he's not double-crossing enough people, so he begs Sue Ellen for Cliff's direct phone number. Sue Ellen warns him about betraying J.R., but then -- AGAIN -- decides to go ahead and do what he wants, because I guess maybe it's kinda fun to watch the shit hit someone else's fan.
Christopher
For no specific reason: "JOHN ROSS YOU'RE A BIG MEAN MEANIE WHO'S MEAN."
Elena and Andres
Elena has hired her brother to finish drilling the land she bought with Sue Ellen's money, but John Ross has quietly blackmailed the foreman to monkey with the GPS so they're never drilling correctly. However, Andres notices, and then fires the foreman when he won't course correct. John Ross needs to blackmail more subtle people. Elena comes to yell at Andres, assuming he's got a chip on his shoulder, but it turns out Andres is right. BURN, SISTER. That's what you GET for abandoning your blue jeans.
Cliff Barnes!!!
John Ross meets Cliff and tells him that JR flipped Frank, and Pamela is almost screwed. Cliff gives him magnificent side-eye through this entire conversation, but then when news breaks that Tommy's body has been found, Cliff realizes the score and knows it's time to cheat by pulling out an ace that's been taped under the table.
Frank
So a weapon is found that matches the bullet in Tommy's chest, and when it's dusted for prints, Frank's are the ones they find. In prison, he looks heartbreakingly sad as Cliff tells him that he's been a son to him for 20 years, and the betrayal hurts, but he still loves him. Then Cliff gives him the Hug of Death and tells Frank to do what he knows is right. That is: Frank pleads guilty in court to the murders of both Tommy AND Rebecca Sutter, gives Pamela a terribly sad look...
Frank
... and then takes a suicide pill (while Christopher was throwing a tantrum about Pamela getting away clean) and froths out right there on the courtroom floor. He couldn't wait until he was in the hall? NOBODY finds this timing or cause of death suspicious?
Judith
Speaking of suspicious, Ann made a remark earlier to Judith Light about how there was only one person good enough to be married to Harris, "except it's illegal to marry your own SON." And Ann isn't half wrong. Judith is playing this EXTREMELY incestuously, including panting all over Comatose Harris's face and insisting that when he wakes up, and I quote, "YEW WIIIIIILLLL BE KIIIIIIING AGIN." It's INSANE.
Ann, Harris, Emma
Bobby learns that his history of threatening Harris on Ann's behalf will make the shooting look premeditated, so Ann convinces him to let her confess. But right when she does, Harris wakes up... and fingers Bobby, with Judith's prompting. Ann is enraged, so she goes to the hospital and shakes Harris's bed. He admits that he wants to take everything she's ever loved away, and she says she wishes she'd killed him. Emma overhears this, but somehow only Ann's part, and boringly looks boringly semi-perturbed that her mother a) shot, and b) wanted to kill her father. HOW can you react boringly to that juice?
Exhibit A
But Ann -- in an actually natural piece of blocking, where she fumbles her keys in flustered rage and then catches sight of this while bending down to get them -- notices blood spatter on her boots. Her eyes agleam, she walks into the police station, plonks them on the counter, and says, "My name is Ann Ewing and I shot Harris Ryland." I really love her.
Harris, Judith, Emma
Emma casually asks Harris why, if Ann shot him, he woke up and said it was Bobby. Harris fumbles that he was just confused, because he'd been in a coma. Which is a really good excuse, because how would she know what a coma does to your memory? Emma does look boringly skeptical, though.
Ewing summit
Everyone agrees that The Truth Will Set Ann Free, without apparently considering that Ann Is Super, Super Guilty. Elena's legs, by the way, are really enjoying their freedom. And rightly.
HAGMAN
More awesomeness: JR is furious to learn that finding Tommy Sutter's body led to FRANK being destroyed, not Pamela, and also, he's clearly very upset that Hot Frank is no longer on this mortal coil. This has COMPLETELY ruined his morning coffee.
Judith
A month later -- which feels like a STUNNING quickness for a high-profile jury trial -- Ann's day in court comes. And Judith gets on the stand and talks haltingly about all the BOOZE and the PILLS and the MEN that Ann indulged in while whoring around on her son. It gets so extreme that even the judge is like, "You need to stop talking or else I will hold you in contempt," and Judith actually drawl-shouts, "AAHHHH HOLD HERRRRRRRR in CONTIIIIIIMPT!!!!!" It's magical. I seriously want to make that a ringtone on my phone for somebody. If only Judith Light herself ever called me.
John Ross and Pamela
During a break in the action, John Ross empathizes with Pamela over the loss of Frank, and she thanks him for his part in it, and he keeps trying to hold her hand and invite her to dinner. But Cliff has slapped her wrist for making it personal again, so she tells him no. John Ross is pouty-faced. NOBODY says no to the soul patch. NOBODY!
Hagman
He and John Ross aren't speaking. Sue Ellen wants JR to forgive him, because she says you are supposed to give your children leeway. I mean... MAYBE, but John Ross DID sleep with Pamela Barnes, and he KNOWS how much it pissed off JR when Bobby slept with the other Pamela Barnes. And THAT Pamela Barnes wasn't even trying to ruin the family. If I were JR, I'd be playing the "I'm old and I WON'T BE HERE FOREVER" card, and I'm not even saying that because I know (and hate) that it's true. It's just good manipulation.
Tony Almeida
Hey, remember when this dude was hissing around, trying to kill people over Christopher's sparkly methane deodorant crystal? Well, he's being extradited to Venezuela. Translation: He's BACK.
Andres
John Ross has Clyde the World's Most Successful Unsubtle PI following Elena's brother, who is moonlighting as a trucker. Clyde thinks he's running stolen goods, so he breaks a tail light so that the cops will pull over Andres; sure enough, there are all kinds of purses and pumps in the back, and not because he's moonlighting as something else. Andres swears to Elena that he thought it was a legit job -- a legit job that had him stopping off and switching trucks at some random midpoint; when were you born, son? -- and she forgives him, but John Ross counts it as a victory because this will violate the morality clause in whatever Elena's contract was with Sue Ellen.
The Trial of the Century, Or At Least, Of This Afternoon
Sue Ellen and Pamela get up and give Ann glowing character references, which is nice of them, although we never hear the defense mention that a) Sue Ellen was almost indicted for blackmail, and b) Pamela was just recently involved in a long con. You'd think the lawyer would be like, "Excuse me, but: CHECK and MATE."
John Ross
"See, Dad? MY EYEBROWS WORK TOO."
JR
J.R. tells John Ross that Sue Ellen thinks they should make up. John Ross trumpets his victory over Elena's brother, but of course, J.R. had already thought of that whole morality-clause thing and he basically reminds John Ross that he is the master. Although I can't entirely remember the content of this scene. Does it matter? Hagman.
Judith and Emma
Harris gets on the stand and tells everyone, with a tearyness that is either authentic or tremendous acting, talks about how Ann didn't want the baby and repeatedly abandoned it -- once, leaving it alone in the house, and he came home to her dirty and squalling and hungry and scared, and then again at the fair, where he followed her there and watched her walk away (Ann's version to Bobby earlier in the season was, "I turned my back for just a minute to get a soda and she was gone"). Mitch Pileggi is very good here, and of course, Judith gives THE most tragic facial expressions of weepy support while Emma looks boringly affected.
Ann
And then Brenda Strong gets up there in this terrible shirt and NAILS IT. Ann never breaks into histrionics; it's always controlled anguish. Ann's version: She grew up poor and mocked for her height and whatnot, and Harris was the first person to treat her kindly. But Judith was so controlling and awful that she started poisoning the well against Ann, until Harris snapped and started abusing her emotionally as well. When she had the baby, she got post-partum depression and was given medication. Ann says the first supposed abandonment was actually her leaving the baby with Ann to go see the shrink (makes me wonder if Harris actually DOES believe some of what he's saying and that Judith IS the puppetmaster), and the second, she needed to escape with her daughter because they'd been especially awful to her, but she accidentally overmedicated and was spacey. It's a great scene and she's honest, but really isn't super convincing about any of the subsequent mental abuse Harris treated her to that might've pushed her over the edge. Combine that with the forensics that claims a one-shot attempt at murder usually means premeditation (whereas crimes of passion are much messier), and it looks grim for Ann's "I was pushed to the brink" defense.
Emma
Emma seems hurt and conflicted. Christopher boringly tries to convince Emma to tell "her truth" on the stand, which... has he been absent? Her truth is the same as Harris's. He SHOULD be telling her to listen to her gut if she's feeling any confusion at all, but no. This is why Christopher is not a formidable foe. Honesty? I SPIT ON YOUR HONESTY. Naturally, this means Emma boringly gets on the stand but then only SLIGHTLY boringly blurts out that she loves her father and that he was protecting her and gave her a fantastic life. Ann nods at her supportively, because that's what she does.
Pamela and Christopher
Also, in one month, Pamela has gone from pin-thin to having a massive bump. I know a month can be a long time in pregnancy, but with my twins, I did not pop that fast in just one month. They could have easily made it two months. ESPECIALLY because they bond over how hard the babies are kicking, which means that a month ago, she would have been showing even just a little bit. Continuity, y'all. It's what's for dinner.
THE VERDICT
AND THEN: Ann is, of course, found guilty. Because she is. Everyone is very shocked, and Emma runs out in a tizzy. So you know she's going to end up playing a role in getting to the truth and getting Ann released, but first... JR has to die, and that is going to be awful.