Downton Reset
EDITH: I'm really tired and depressed after eight months in Switzerland and even Ivy has noticed.
TOM: Can you believe that Rose is FINALLY being presented at court? It's cute that they're making me do this exposition given that I am the person in the house who cares the least about this subject. Also, let's have a conversation designed to remind the viewers that the Crawleys have a house in London that they didn't sell when they were in financial trouble because Matthew saved everything, as if we're anticipating snarky recappers asking that question.
EDITH: Let's, in fact, use the whole convo to remind the viewers that we still haven't forgotten Matthew.
TOM: Matthew Matthew Matthew. MATTHEW! Dead last Christmas special, never to be seen again. HAPPY CHRISTMAS!
Downton Sad
Everyone's talking about who's going up to London for Rose's presentation at court and its attendant shenanigans, and Violet is very sympathetic and kind to Edith about the baby. We also learn herein that "they" made Edith breastfeed her daughter before giving her up for adoption, which seems incredibly difficult emotionally, though it makes sense from the nutritional/health POV of The Swiss League Of Discreet People Willing To Facilitate The Adoption of Babies of Unmarried High Born Englishwomen. Anyway, to make a long story short: OH EDITH. She is REALLY not committed to this adoption thing and she ends the episode making a deal with THE FREAKING PIG MAN to RAISE HER BABY which means that she is going to go BACK TO SWITZERLAND and take the child away from the nice people who adopted her and bring it back to Downton. First of all, that is REALLY TERRIBLE to do to the Schraeders -- Rosamund gives us the name of the adoptive family and I can only assume they're of the Baroness Schraeders. Second, THIS IS ALL GOING TO GO TERRIBLY WRONG NEXT SEASON. For one thing, everyone is going to think you're nailing the Pig Farmer. Oh, EDITH.
Downton Time Jump
In case you're really curious to what year it is. Personally, I am really curious to know how Cora has gotten through the last 11 years with nary a new wrinkle or gray hair. I presume that whatever magical elixir she's imbibing is also the thing that makes her blind to Edith's many many many many many current personal problems. (In fairness, I actually don't want them to resort to aging makeup; I suspect it would look ridiculous. But it's also kind of insane how fast this show moves through space and time.)
Downton Gowns
One of the best things about this episode is that everyone has new clothes and jeweled headpieces and they're almost -- ALMOST! -- all amazing. The London Season is marked with MANY MANY parties and dances and balls, and Cora's Mother Shirley MacLaine and her brother Paul "Teapot Dome" Giamatti are coming for the ball (and also to get ol' Paul away from his bribery scandale) and everyone has MANY outfits for all these events, which is part of the reason this recap is so very long.
Downton Love
As predicted Lord Merton is totally in love with Isobel -- he pops by to see if she's going to Rose's ball, because if SHE'S going, then he wants to go -- and she is all flighty and wacky around him, doing things like apologizing for her "humble soup." Oh, Dr. Clarkson. I fear you've missed your chance! When Lord M gallantly leaves her to the "delights of [her] soup," she makes this adorable kind of, "yikes, why am I so weird around him?!" face. We've all been there, Isobel. We've all been weird around a cute boy. They spend the rest of the episode sort of sniffing around each other, but it's obvious that he's quite smitten with our beloved meddling sanctimonious Isobel, for whom I want only the best.
Downton Let's Introduce a Bunch of New Characters
So, this episode had about 100 plotlines and about 75 new characters in it, which always feels weird for a season finale, and I am going to try to plow through some of them here. This lovely lady is Rose's friend Madeleine Allsopp -- whom I don't think we've seen before, but who can tell? I forget these things -- and the two of them do a lot of running around town in fantastic outfits drinking champagne and flirting with men in suits. Madeleine and her father are Down On Their Luck aristocrats who are both searching for someone with money to marry, and they set their caps for Paul Giamatti and Shirley MacLaine respectively, sort of.
Madeleine is clearly not that committed to this whole Marry For Money Thing, and Harold -- PG's character -- is onto her from the start, anyway. HE does a lot of moaning that he's just a playboy and no good woman will ever want him and WHO CASTS PAUL GIAMATTI AS A PLAYBOY. You have GOT to be kidding me. I mean, he's a fine actor and his performance here is good, but visually this is the worst casting ever. A rich American playboy who only dates good time girls on his yacht and gets embroiled in a bribery scandal? Call someone dashing. In fact, my one giant complaint about this show is that it has a MAJOR BLIND SPOT in terms of casting hot dudes. Gillingham and Blake are reasonably attractive, at least. I of course loved Matthew but he's dead. Branson is handsome but kind of a wet noodle lately, and of course Thomas and Jimmy are very good-looking but they're both a-holes. So this show is really missing a super hot dude who's also swoony-worthy AND ALIVE.
Downton Fancy Lady Lawyer
We also meet this woman, for the first time, and for the purposes of kicking off a VERY convoluted plot that I think was to assure that Rose would be The Debutante of the Season, but which is much much MUCH more contrived than it needs to be. Anyway, this is Freda Dudley Ward, played by Janet Montgomery, who is much better with this accent (her real one, or close) than she was playing the FANNNNCCCCCY LADDDDY LAWYER in Made in Jersey for two minutes on CBS last fall. FDW is a real person -- she was Edward VIII's mistress up until right about when this episode is set (when he is still the desolute Prince of Wales), and was friends with him until his taking up with Wallis Simpson -- and apparently she's got some rather scandalous letter from him in her purse, which she lets Rose read for reasons unclear other than to advance the plot, and then do you remember The Card Sharpe Gregson Demolished Before The Nazis Got Him, Mr Sampson? He's back and he steals the letter and there's all this hoo-ha to steal it back -- Lord G MUST DEFEND THE HONOR OF THE CROWN! -- and then the Prince of Wales is in The Debt of Lord and Lady G and he shows up to dance with Rose to open her ball, post-Presentation At The Palace, and really she has not excuse not to make a sparkling match now. THE END!
Downton Americans
When Shirley MacLaine and Uncle Harold arrive, it's a great opportunity for Julian Fellowes to further examine what he thinks Americans are like. Sometimes I wonder if Julian Fellowes KNOWS any Americans, but at least we know that he knows Shirley MacLaine and Paul Giamatti. This is photographic proof. ANYWAY, they're loud and cranky and have lots of opinions and use loads of slang and wear feathers AND fur and are terribly MODERN and I guess I too am guilty as charged, but having Uncle Harold actually say "ain't" is quite ridiculous. Come on, Julian Fellowes! You must admit that, at the very least, we Americans are generally fun at parties and we often make terrific movies.
Additionally: there's a lot of yada to explain why the Downton staff has gone up to the London house to run things that I honestly don't think anyone would have even thought about had they decided not to mention it. Shirley MacLaine LOVES how Mrs Hughes is totally on top of her shizz, though, and there Shirley MacLaine and I am in total agreement.
Downton Accents
Ugh. Okay, so this dude is Ethan, Uncle Harold's valet and his American accent is AWFUL. I suspect the actor himself has a very WEIRD accent naturally -- he's a British/American dual citizen, and he grew up in England, but he went to Georgetown and the American School in London, so you'd think he'd sound American (Heather, as many of you know, is also a dual citizen and grew up in England, but attended a different American school and went to college in the United States and she sounds totally American). BUT! He also went to the Royal Academy of the Dramatic Arts and has done a lot of Shakespeare, AND, per Wikipedia, "appeared as the title character in the 1995 BBC 6-part miniseries Little Lord Fauntleroy, based on the English children's novel by Frances Hodgson Burnett, and adapted by Julian Fellowes." So my theory is that he's got the sort of strange Ameri-Brit accent that people get sometimes when they've spent a lot of time in both countries, and he's probably done a lot of work WITH a British accent. SO! What has happened, I think, is that this actor has gone INCREDIBLY over the top with the American in his voice and it sounds fake. He kind of sounds like what I -- an American American who has only lived in America -- would sound like if I were doing an American accent instead of just talking. Julian Fellowes: I know you wanted to throw a bone to this former child actor whom you probably love very much, but JUST HIRE AMERICANS TO PLAY AMERICANS. There are a KAJILLION British actors who do WONDERFUL American accents and you can find none of them, for some reason, so just stop trying.
Anyway, Ethan is also very annoying, all JAZZ HANDS and MODERN and AMERICA and OPINIONS and USE MY FIRST NAME and ANSWER ALL MY QUESTIONS, but he also falls in love with Daisy, which is good for her self-esteem, and he ends up taking Ivy back to the States with him to be Uncle Harold's cook, which is good for those of us who were over the Ivy v. Daisy thing, which has certainly run its course.
Downton Ugh
This dress is terrible on Michelle Dockery. She does not work well in pastels. Much of this episode is setting up a Gillingham v. Blake to-do for next season, and I do think it will be fun. I kind of like both of them, TBH, and it's always more fun when both legs of the love triangle are equally matched.
Downton Exhibition
Something else I enjoyed about this episode -- other than all the NEW OUTFITS! -- was that moving it to London got us into all kinds of interesting new setpieces. Here, at the National Exhibition, at all the jazz clubs, at the Grantham London Home, and of course, at "Buckingham Palace." Blake and Gillingham are both at the exhibition, as you can see here, and there's some minor peacocking over Mary, as continues throughout. Also HATS. So many hats. Hats for everyone.
Downton Oy
God, I am so not into this particular plot line. Anyway, Tom still knows Schoolteacher Sarah Bunting Who Carries Props To Remind Us About Her Job Everywhere She Goes, but it's been eight months since he manfully fixed her car by the side of the road and they seem to just be friends, and god knows she's still annoying. She kind of needles him into taking her into see the Abbey while everyone is gone, and she's kind of a nosy parker about it, even though he's clearly uncomfortable with her digging around the place. She eventually talks him into taking her up into the Gallery, so she can look down on the first floor (and we can all drink, because there was no way this episode would air without an aerial shot into the ground floor, given how much they love that view), and it makes him feel uncomfortable but he does it anyway, and Thomas finds them and Tom is all, "WE ARE NOT LEAVING THE BEDROOMS I SWEAR WE JUST CAME UP TO LOOK AT THE VIEW." I feel like Tom used to be smoother than this. What kind of a socialist revolutionary can't even be sharp with a rival former-coworker when needed? Additionally, I think this character is supposed to come across as Deliciously Sassy, but she just comes across as Pushy.
Downton Parties!
In which everyone looks lovely, and Lord Something Or Other begins his full-court press of Shirley MacLaine, who eventually turns him down because she doesn't really care to exchange her money for a title and would rather be unencumbered and free -- if anyone is a flapper, it's Mrs Levinson, which I actually love -- but she does offer to set him up with a bunch of rich old biddies who ARE into that kind of thing if he wants to visit her in Newport. I find it so intriguing how half people in this era -- per these sorts of shows/books -- just PROPOSED MARRIAGE after like three days. Why wait around, I suppose. Let's just shackle ourselves to each other for eternity!
Downton Pretty
This dress on Mary is lovely. I hope Mabel Lane-Fox has bounced back this season after Lord Gillingham has dropped her. He IS rather nice. I also like how he sort of looks sad all the time. It makes me want to hug him.
Downton EvilButler.com
Okay, so a whole lot of sort of dumb Thomas stuff happened in this episode. He's menacing Baxter as usual -- we still don't know why, but in the end her relationship with Molesley gives her the courage to tell him to cram it -- and he also has decided that he has a REAL PROBLEM with how Tom used to be the chauffeur and is now part of the family and ergo to be waited on, despite the fact that (a) this has been the state of affairs for YEARS now, so you'd think Thomas would have had his apoplexy about it by now, and (b) Tom clearly tries really hard not to be an asshole about the whole thing.
Downton Of Course
In yet another convoluted turn of events, Anna donates one of Bates's old overcoats to a clothing drive for refugees and Mrs Hughes finds a train ticket from York to London on MURDER DAY in the pockets. At least hide the evidence, Bates! GOD. Did you learn NOTHING IN PRISON?
Downton Debutantes
All that being said, one of the reasons that this episode is quite fun is that the scenes devoted to Rose's presentation at court are simply a delight. The costumes are amazing, and the sets are terrifically fun, especially if you are a fan of Royal Shenanigans, which OBVIOUSLY I AM.
Downton Buckingham Palace
How great is this shot? This whole segment of this episode must have cost a fortune.
Downton Buckingham Palace 2
Ditto this one, even though the room isn't correct. It's still FABULOUS and close enough, I suppose (they actually filmed at Lancaster House, which stands in for BP a lot; having just been inside BP, I can tell you that the famous double staircase is actually much more narrow than this). I enjoy that all the men are wearing uniforms that look rather familiar if you think about what WhatsHisName was wearing when he married that girl that time.
Downton Debutantes 2: Debutantier
Feathers, of course, were a requirement for any young lady to be presented at court. I believe Rose is wearing a Prince of Wales Plume. (This is a very interesting article about it.) Anyway, Rose is presented and it goes as well as humanly possible. She is beautiful and the King and the Princes of Wales are chatty with her and she comports herself perfectly and essentially, she shall make herself a sparkling match on the marriage market. Is what I would have said had I been there, an old crone such as myself, hiding behind the petit fours and chewing on a pineapple spear, while wondering which old man I should have an affair with THIS season. (In my fantasy life where I am cast member on Downton Abbey, I play a gossipy old hag who delights in knowing everyone's business and sleeping with everyone's husbands. It just sounds more fun.)
Downton Debutantes 3: Return of the Debutante
The costume department really did a SPLENDID job on this episode, truly. Let us all raise our Pimms to them.
Downton Still Wants to Murder
Mrs Hughes comes to Mary with the proof that Bates had the motive AND the opportunity to MURDER Green the Evil Valet and then is basically like, "you handle this. I HAVE TOO MUCH TO DO RIGHT NOW." And at first Mary wants to just stay out of it -- I think she and Mrs Hughes are both kind of like, "well, dude had it coming" -- but in the final analysis Mary realizes that, yeah, you're REALLY not supposed to murder people no matter what and she and Bates have a very VEILED CONVERSATION about REGRETS about THINGS people have DONE in LONDON?!?!?!?!?
Bates gives her nothing, but Mary is not looking like she's actually willing to let this one go after all, and, I mean, look, he DID (probably) murder someone after doing time for a murder he (probably) DIDN'T commit and BATES WILL NEVER LEARN apparently. I'm Team Hughes on this one because another Bates Trial will be BOOOORING, but Team Mary in the sense that, seriously, you're not allowed to just willy-nilly shove people under lorries, even if they're terrible. Now, into wells...that's a whole different story.
Downton Tiaras!
While Mary is chatting about and to murderers, everyone is having dinner at the palace, including Shirley MacLaine and this insane headdress. "I believe it's technically inappropriate for a woman who isn't an aristocrat to wear a tiara but who cares? I'm an American. This is why we fought the Revolution. Free the tiaras!" I'm pretty sure that's what she said here.
Downton Caper
The next day -- forty-five minutes into this thing -- Rose (and her lovely new rose-colored dress) kicks off the caper portion of the evening. Let's just say that the Prince of Wales is terrifically lucky that Bates is an adept pickpocket and forger, as well as a murderer, or else the press would have known all about his romantic dramas thanks to the Sampson-Purloined Letter of Scandal sooner rather than later. The good news for Lord G, who nearly had a stroke at the thought of the public learning that the Prince of Wales was cavorting with a married women, is that we here in the future can tell him that eventually that news will out (albeit with another woman) and everything will work out REALLY VERY WELL.
Downton Forging
Bates forges a letter letting Rose and Mary into Sampson's apartments to look around for said purloined Scandalous Letter, but they don't find anything, and he then thinks to feel Sampson up when putting his coat back on him (after he's been lured to the house by a card game), where he finds and pickpockets Said Letter, which is safely returned to the Prince of Wales. Bates didn't learn to burn the proof that he took himself to the scene of a crime on the day it was committed in prison, but at least someone took the time to school him in forgery and pickpocketry.
Downton Picnics
This episode would have been thirty-five minutes shorter if we hadn't paused constantly to learn that Paul Giamatti has self-esteem problems. Look, I am not complaining about this scene -- it's BEAUTIFULLY shot and fabulously costumed and gloriously pulled off, but come ON. Edith has just told Aunt Rosamund that she's learned Gregson got in a fight with a gang of GERMANS IN BROWN SHIRTS after he heard them saying something offensive. As much as I'm glad this random beautiful friend of Rose's is helping Edith's random American uncle get over his issues, I can't believe we didn't get to see the scene where Edith finds out that Gregson was overtaken by the people who -- AND I TOLD YOU! -- will eventually MORPH INTO THE SS. A MAIN CHARACTER'S BABY DADDY HAS BEEN SET UPON BY NAZIS AND SHE FINDS OUT OFF CAMERA. THIS IS INSANITY. At the very least, the PI hired by his newspaper could have found her and told her at this freaking picnic. Poor Edith actually has the most dramatic storyline all season and ALL OF IT -- all of the emotional moments! -- has happened offscreen, and I don't know why. Laura Carmichael seems like she could handle the heavy lifting.
Downton Thomas
So Thomas, that hot jerkward, goes and tells Lord G that Tom has brought back some village wench to Downton Abbey whilst everyone was gone and PROBABLY had his low class way with her in the sacred Downton Abbey beds and Lord G is all GASP, but come on. Thomas is an unreliable narrator and surely everyone knows that, but also: highborn men have been taking scullery maids for a tumble since time immemorial, and Lord G is a man of the world. Let poor Tom romance a schoolteacher while everyone is gone! He's into it, the schoolteacher is presumably into it! Nothing untoward happened to Isis! Everything is fine!
Downton Capers Some More
At least Mary and Rose -- and Blake, who's very helpful with pigs AND capers -- look great for their break-in of Sampson's apartment, which is ultimately a pointless exercise in the service of this plot. But we're all happy Mary is back in red, which suits her.
Downton Poor Edith
Meanwhile, of course, Edith -- who looks FABULOUS in this -- is moping around as usual and saying all kind of SUSPICIOUS THINGS also as usual and finally Lord G seems to realize that SOMETHING is up with her and finally asks her if she's all right, and her answer is, "YOU KNOW I'D NEVER DO ANYTHING TO HURT YOU. GOOD NIGHT!" and Lord G inexplicably does not chase after her and ask WTF IS HAPPENING WITH HER.
Downton Kimono
First: this robe is AMAZING and I want it. Second: post Bates's moment of Pickpocket Heroism, Mary tells Anna all about The Caper of the Prince of Wales And Sampson, That Guy We Didn't Know We Were Supposed To Pay Attention to. (Sampson, btw, has discovered that his purloined letter has been re-purloined and the music cue is all DUM DUM DUM MUUUURDER, so watch out for him, ladies.) Finally, Mary basically tells Anna to tell Bates (not in so many words) that because he helpfully forged and stole some stuff they needed him to forge and steal, they're going to keep that whole pesky murder thing on the DL. After Anna leaves, she burns the train ticket evidence because Bates is too stupid to do it himself.
Downton Ball
Let's take quick look through what everyone wears to Rose's Ball Where Her Bravery In Stealing Back The Thing She Kinda Got Stolen In the First Place leads to the attendance of the Prince of Wales. Cora is wearing her fanciest nightgown.
Downton Ball 2: Baller
Mary is wearing her pull-tassel necklace, which I have always loved.
Downton Ball 3: Play Ball
Rose is wearing this STUNNING gown.
Downton Ball 4: The Ball Returns
Violet is wearing her favorite tiara -- and dances with Tom, and is basically just terrific to him, telling him that THESE ARE HIS PEOPLE NOW, which all just serves to make me very annoyed when Shirley MacLaine later gives The DC this whole speech about how Violet is living in the past!!!!! I don't wholly dislike Shirley MacLaine in this part, but do shut up. Violet has actually made some great strides in the last two seasons. She LOVES Tom, and he was THE CHAUFFEUR. LET US NEVER FORGET THIS. In fact, when he takes her into his arms, she chortles, "I know I can trust you to steer." Team Violet. Always.
Downton Ball 5: Ballsapalloza
"I don't need to marry anyone. Look at this headdress." (A paraphrase.) Actually, despite the fact that I don't like how sassy she is later to Violet -- Violet's last moment in this season should not be getting told off, it should be telling off -- Shirley MacLaine is kind of a hoot in this scene, telling Lord A that she just encouraged him for fun and she'll get him some rich old wife in a snap.
Downton Revelations
It's really rather sporting of Gillingham to tell Mary that Blake is a rich-ass toff due to inherit a big fat estate just like she is, considering that his lack of toffery was a big problem for her vis a vis their potential romance. I might like Gillingham now. Although I DID think he was after Mary for her money, and he might be. And we know Blake isn't. And Blake likes babies and pigs. Also, Blake seems smarter. Okay, I talked myself back into Blake. We can continue.
Downton Game On
Blake is ALSO charming when he tells Mary that he never mentioned his fortune because he wanted to win her on his own, and that he's impressed that Gillingham told her. Mary notes that she thinks Gillingham wanted it to be a fair fight. "So now? Let battle commence?" he asks. Mary smiles. "Let battle commence," she says, and turns around and walks into the house LIKE A BOSS. THAT'S a mic drop, kids.
Downton Poor Edith
Let's just admit it: the Pig Farmer Raises Baby Plan is going to be a DISASTER even if the Pig Farmer is VERY kind and understanding about it. BEST CASE, Edith falls in love with a married Pig Farmer just as her baby daddy returns from battling Nazis, you guys. BEST CASE. And then they have to take that baby away from ANOTHER FAMILY. Edith, you need to think of your daughter. You really should have left her with the Baroness's family in Switzerland.
Downton Beach
There's been a whole long subplot about Carson taking the staff on an outing for a treat and there's been a lot of blah blah about him wanting them to go somewhere educational and Mrs Hughes manipulates him into thinking maybe the beach would be better. Anyway, it wraps the downstairs folks up, and I apologize for not focusing on them too much in this, but they didn't have LOADS to do and they wore the same old, so here we are: Ivy is going to America with Harold; Molesley and Baxter are secretly smitten but definitely friends, and she's told Thomas to leave her be; I currently and will always love Mrs Patmore; and these two are just a happy woman and her pickpocketing, forging, murdering husband!
Downton LOVE
And finally, in which Mrs Hughes FULLY HITS ON CARSON and he seems to go for it! (Well, she basically tells him that they're old and they're allowed to "live a little," which isn't really the most romantic come-on, but whatever.) I know I have been joking about this all season, but I actually never thought it would happen because I never REALLY got the vibe that they wanted to jump each other's organized bones. But that said, thank god SOMEONE got together in this season finale and god knows these two deserve some saucy romantical happiness. If it even goes beyond hand holding. I guess we have to wait until next season to find out. Use your time until then wisely. Perhaps there's a Gutenberg Bible you could track down for someone?