Downton Smirking
This charming dimpled yahoo is a dude who's clearly set his hat for Rose; he doesn't seem too terrible, unlike some OTHER people who've arrived at Downton for the weekend. I enjoy how stoic EvilButler.com is over there in the corner; he's probably cranky because he doesn't have anything to do this week. Thomas, it's not every week that your machinations can accidentally uncover a demonic nanny.
Downton Smocking
I really just wanted you to get a better look at Cora's dress here. It is lovely, as it her tea service. This whole episode has a LOT of upstairs/downstairs shenanigans afoot, in the sense that this is one of the first parties they've had since....well, wait. Everyone is ACTING like This Is The First Country Weekend We've Had In The New Era In Which We Live, but they've had loads of parties: Mary and Matthew's wedding and Edith's ALMOST Wedding to that terrible old man with the enormous teeth who had the gall to leave the poor girl at the altar. I hate that terrible old man with the enormous teeth and I'd like to push him down the well. ANYWAY, everyone is in a tizzy that They Don't Have Enough Help/We Forgot How To Do This In The Six Months Since That Wayward Tree Jumped Into the Road And Killed Matthew, and it's all fairly entertaining UNTIL THE TERRIBLE VALET WHO CAME WITH BRITISH CHRIS MESSINA RAPED ANNA.
I'm sorry, I just could not wait until we got to that part to blurt it out. This is a soap opera and these things happen and the fact that it's so awful surely means they did it in a dramatically effective manner but I HATE IT. I don't mean that I hate it from a story-telling perspective. This is classic soap opera story, even if it did rather come out of nowhere, and I understand why they went there from a plot perspective. But I love Anna and I want the best for her and I hate when she is sad, and we also all learned that that Traumatized Anna = Not So Much Fun For The Viewer, during the endless Bates Works On Learning to Con People/Lose His Limp In Prison Story of last season. So it's upsetting on a lot of different levels, including the surface level of just being an upsetting thing to happen to a character you love. Anyway. More on that later, but suffice to say, Gillingham's Valet Mr. Green deserves worse than the well down which I want to push Big Teeth Old Man.
Downton Mindy Project
Behold Less Cute, British Chris Messina, AKA Lord Gillingham, AKA the boss of the Rapist Valet, AKA a man who's about to marry the debutante of the season except he's obviously about to fall for Lady Mary while he gives her all kinds of measured council about the boring estate taxes that this show is so consumed by. To which I say: (a) I am not ready for this and (b) if you're going to get over someone by getting under someone else, couldn't it be someone hotter? Not that this dude is hideous -- he's not! I love British dudes AND Chris Messina -- but they don't have that much chemistry. (At least the other young man cast this season -- presumably also to risk his life by sleeping with Mary, who MIGHT have that thing from American Horror Story where her vagina is fatal -- did me the service of having been in Smash, thus giving me endless jokes at my disposal.)
Downton Dropped Waists
We also are learning this season that the dropped waist of the 20s wasn't really that flattering on almost anyone. Also, that Cora is pleased to have young men in the house again and she's hoping one of them will jolly Mary back into the saddle. She's also looking forward to hearing the world famous Nellie Melba, the opera singer they've invited to the house to perform at great expense. She would not be so delighted if she knew that Lord G and Carson were totally bungling their host duties in considering not allowing Nellie Melba to dine with them. Carson, I know you were a traveling song-and-dance man or whatever, but Nellie Melba is not a Cheerful Charlie! She TRAVELS WITH A TIARA. She can sit at the table with the Dowager Countess.
Additionally, Nellie Melba was a real person, which is always fun. According to unimpeachable historical source "Wikipedia," she had an affair with Prince Philippe, the Duke of Orléans, who just happened to be "the Orléanist claimant to the throne of France" until he broke up with her by leaving for a two year safari without her. Which would do it. Peach melba AND melba toast is named after her! THE WOMAN HAS TOAST NAMED AFTER HER. SHE CAN SIT IN THE DINING ROOM.
Downton Ugh
Anyway, so Tom is spending this whole weekend feeling totes awks, because posh people keep coming up to him and saying things like, "Don't you know Lady SuchandSo? SHE lives in Ireland" and he can't be like, "um, no, because I was a chauffeur and then a revolutionary," so mostly he just says things like, "well, I have HEARD OF her," like I would say if someone asked me if I knew Gwyneth Paltrow. And of course Horrible Edna is basically stalking him and lurking around and trying to get into his pants, and he IS terribly handsome but Edna's behavior is really creepy and inappropriate, and later she slips him a HUGE whiskey and is even later seen sneaking into his room, so I feel like THAT is not okay EITHER. I don't think she full-on drugged him, but I DO think she has totally lost all reason when it comes to trying to bang him and it's really unseemly and I can only hope that it culminates in a plot line where she goes full on CRAAAAAAAZY, because this is a soap opera, so why not? Having her try to murder him when he rejects her and then getting bundled off in a straitjacket sounds fun to me.
Downton Get It On Already
Can these two get it on already? CAN'T YOU TWO SEE THAT YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER? Or at least well suited? NO ONE will bring Mrs Crawley more sad schmos whose lives need fixing than the town doctor! Anyway, she's still sad and blue because of Matthew -- which feels true -- but gets talked into going up to the house to see Nellie Melba anyway, both by Dr Clarkson AND by the still-amazing universal treasure that is The Dowager Countess. And while I've got you here: Penelope Wilton, who plays Isobel, has been SO GOOD this season so far. I always love Isobel -- she's such a meddler, and I relate -- but she is so touching and sad right now. And that is why I want her to get some, courtesy of Dr Clarkson.
Downton Rose
Rose often WEARS Rose, which I feel like is totally a coincidence, right?! Carson is going to be terrifically peeved when he discovered she's wearing a pull designed to call the servants around her waist, though. She spends the entire episode hovering in the edge of scenes, making people fall in love with her, none of which will end well for anyone, probably.
Downton Meet the Parents
Poor Michael Gregson really has a tough row to hoe with Lord G. He's all learning German in preparation for his big, incredibly historically-ill-advised move to Germany where he can divorce his wife, marry Edith, and get into (I assume) A GIANT MESS WITH THE NAZIS and Lord G is totally dismissive about him. Gregson is even all, "So, I hear you have a Gutenberg Bible" -- which, they do? SELL THAT YOU FOOLS. YOU NEED MONEY SO BADLY SELL THE GUTENBERG BIBLE JESUS (NO PUN INTENDED) THERE ARE FEWER THAN 50 IN THE WORLD TODAY. TODAY, YOU COULD GET 35 MILLION FOR A COMPLETE COPY! I hope this is foreshadowing -- and Lord G is all, "yeah, that old thing, I don't even know where it is. Okay, gotta go, see you later," and then he jets.
At least Edith looks pretty, even if this plan to make her father dig her married newspaper editor boyfriend is bombing.
Downton Ziggy
So, as previously mentioned, the servants are in a tizzy over all the work required for this weekend, and lo and behold, who pops up making a grocery delivery? Poor Molesley, who does SO MUCH GROUSING this weekend and while Daisy (of course) is horrified that he's now a delivery boy, no one is rude enough to point out that at least he's not tarring the streets anymore.
Downton Scarves
Edith has just an endless pile of headscarves to coordinate with all of her day looks, apparently.
Downton Riding
Speaking of getting back in the saddle, Mary literally noted to Lord Gillingham that she hadn't been in it in ages. THE METAPHOR IT BURNS. Anyway, he gives her lots of estate-running advice and he's clearly sort of sprung on her -- who could blame him? -- while she tells him all kinds of sad truths about how loving Matthew has made her weak and sad now that he's unexpectedly dead. I miss Matthew too, girl.
Downton BOO
You think this valet is just inappropriately flirtatious -- and Anna is kindly amused and tolerant of it -- and then he goes and turns into A HORRIBLE RAPIST. My spoiler-free speculation is that I just know she's going to get pregnant and then she's not going to know whose baby it is and eventually we're going to get a scene where Mr Bates is terrifically noble (having found out, finally, what happened) and wonderful and vows to raise the baby and love it as his own no matter what and then we'll all cry our eyes out.
Downton Ouch
In a moment of trying to seem like a badass, Hot Jimmy -- who actually MIGHT be hot for Ivy now, since he seemed kind of into it when she told him their night at the theatre was the most exciting of her life -- sprains his hand and is TOO INJURED to serve dinner to all their many, many guests and Carson basically has a stroke and hires Molesley to do it, and Molesley is SO pouty about it. YOU WERE JUST OUT TARRING THE ROAD AND BATES HAD TO RESORT TO FORGERY TO HELP YOU OUT JUST PUT ON YOUR GLOVES AND GET SERVING.
Downton Arches
I'm going to let you look at this beautifully composed shot when I tell you something I forgot to screengrab: one of the men Lord G has invited to the party is a total card sharp who is fleecing ALL the men at cards because OF COURSE Lord G decides it's a GREAT IDEA TO GAMBLE AWAY HIS FORTUNE. Someone needs to take the check book away from Lord G. Anyway, Michael Gregson -- no fool he -- figures this out and he, in fact, FLEECES THE FLEECER, gives everyone his money back, and wins over Lord G. It was totally great. It's going to suck when he turns into/is killed by the Nazis.
Dowton Protocol
Here, in an example of The Old Ways, the footman are measuring to make sure the dining room chairs are the prescribed distance away from the table. Heather and I took a tour of Buckingham Palace last week when we were in London -- it was awesome and you should totally take it -- and we learned that THEY still do this THERE. If it's good enough for the Queen, it's good enough for all of us. I'm going to start doing it myself.
Downton Vistas
What a heinous vista.
Downton Tiaras
Anyway. The plot! There are MANY tiaras on display at this weekend party and they are not helping Branson to feel any more comfortable, despite the fact that The DC is actually totally helping him out, in her very Dowager Countess way -- telling him how to refer to people, schooling him on small talk, prompting him to dance with old ladies. This is how Violet shows that she likes you, Tom. She might as well just kiss you.
Downton Dancing
So at some point, Rose has Alfred drag down the gramophone, so they can dance, and everyone is having a grand old time until Mary realized it's Matthew's gramophone and turns back into Ghost Mary and goes upstairs to her room. Rose seems to feel terrible, and then later we learn that Anna TOLD HER to ask Mary if she could use Matthew's gramophone and she never did. I think that was because Rose seems like the person who would rather ask forgiveness than permission and certainly not someone who would want to have a conversation with anyone who was bereaved. But still. You can't just take possession of a dead man's gramophone! Have some respect!
Downton Mourning
It's not an episode of Downton season four if Mary's not prone on her bed like a living corpse wishing for death. (I jest, but actually, as I said last week, it'd be awful if the show was all, "pish posh, he's dead, we're over it!!" I actually think this is being handled quite well.)
Downton Eyeroll
I am sure this is a gif now, but Cora's eyeroll when she found out that Carson and Lord G had decided to stick the most famous singer in the world, who they're paying a huge amount of money to perform at their home, up in her room with dinner on a tray, was epic. As was the moment when she pointed out that she is apparently the only person in the house living in the 20th century, before she stormed out to fix this. Wait until you find out your husband decided to gamble away a bunch of YOUR MONEY. Wait, he already lost all your money. He decided to gamble away a bunch of MATTHEW'S MONEY.
Downton Ouch
Then, just to add to the upheaval, Mrs Patmore has a heart attack and Alfred has to take over cooking. Okay, it's just a panic attack -- and I love Mrs Patmore, so please stay alive, girl! -- but Alfred DOES have to cook. In short, it is a MESS DOWNSTAIRS. With the exception of Gregson bullshitting a bullshitter, everyone has kind of a rough go.
Downton Claret
Lord G is totally okay with sitting next to THE ENTERTAINMENT once he learns she's an expert on claret, his favorite subject. He probably also fancies her tiara.
Downton Sad
Poor Mrs Crawley. Mary is actually LAUGHING and she's clearly both happy that Mary is doing okay and also SO SO SAD. It's just breaking my heart, and Branson is so so sweet about it, even though seriously everyone at Downton is like, "you can't possibly know how this FEELS!" to him and he has to be all, "NO SERIOUSLY REMEMBER SYBIL?!"
Downton Emmys
I really only included this shot because it's pretty amazing when you can tell, off a screengrab from my iPad, how GREAT Maggie Smith was in just this one reaction shot of her looking at Isobel. Her face says about a thousand things here. I treasure her.
Downton Sad II
And I thought this shot was tremendously good at showing how incredibly isolated poor Branson is. He tries to talk to Lord G about how alone and out of place he is, and Lord G is basically like, "OH DON'T BE RIDIC EVERYONE LOVES YOU CAN'T TALK GONNA GO LOSE MORE OF GEORGE'S INHERITANCE BYE" and Tom is just all sad and alone and RIPE FOR A CRAZY LADY'S MAID'S SEXUAL MACHINATIONS.
Downton Opera
And then Nellie Melba sings and the whole house gets to listen, except Anna has a headache and goes downstairs for a powder and that terrible Rapist Valet Gillingwhatever follows her downstairs and attacks her. I hope a bomb lands on his head during the Blitz. Right on his head down in the well.
Downton Shoutout
There was a very nice moment here, when Nellie Melba -- who is played by Kiri TeKanawa, so I assume this is actually her fabulous voice -- starts to sing "O Mio Babbino Caro," and The DC leans over to note that you can't go wrong with Puccini, and it made me smile, because that aria is very famously used in A Room With a View, in which Maggie Smith plays an uptight spinster cousin/chaperone who turns out to be quite an ally for the power of true love. I have to think that was intentionally done. She is wonderful in that movie -- as is everyone -- and you should see it if you haven't. It also contains full frontal male nudity!
Downton Transformative
And in an episode full of wonderful silent bits, Michelle Dockery was amazing in this tiny moment where the music is clearly filling her with emotions -- after an entire episode where she's been wondering if the softness and feelings that Matthew brought out in her have turned on her. If, in other words, she would have been better off never learning to feel at all -- "if I never loved, I never would have cried," to quote Simon & Garfunkel. Like, you can see the feelings brought out by the music just wash over her face and it was just really, REALLY well done.
Downton This Makes Me Sad
And in an episode that was extremely well-acted, this might have been the best-acted scene of all. Joanne Froggatt is so, so good in this scene. She just broke my heart when she told Mrs Hughes that she can't tell Bates what happened, because he'll kill the guy and then end up back in prison and they probably really WILL execute him this time, all of which is probably true but also a MESS because this sort of secret is going to break them and I can't take that. Can't Anna and Bates just be happy and meddle in other people's affairs?! Anyway, Mrs Hughes cleans Anna up and promises to keep her secret, but I suspect that eventually the truth will out. Poor Anna. ARGH. This episode was ROUGH. I can't take it! I am not even over Sybil yet, you guys!
Downton You Bastard
And then! Apparently Lord Gillingham's valet is a complete psychopath -- not a huge stretch -- because he bids both his rape victim and her husband (who already doesn't like him on general grounds) a cheery good-night, which they (heartbreakingly) return. He is VERY confident that Anna hasn't told Bates what happened, and I am not sure why. But I can't wait for Downton Karma to catch up with him NO SPOILERS but I sure hope she goes extra bitchy on him.