Downton Lonesome
So, as you can see, poor Mr Bates here is still all sad and alone, walking up to the house all by his lonesome now that Anna has moved back into Downton to avoid having to tell him that she was raped by Gillingham's wretched terrible sociopath of a valet. The good news is, all that walking around in a circle that Bates did in prison last season really proved to be great physical therapy for his limp. He basically just uses that cane as a sassy accessory now.
Downton Mysterious
Bates waits for Anna to come down from her room -- because he loves her, and he wants to be the first person she sees in the morning and vice versa and she is BREAKING HIS HEART (and ours) with this whole, "I can't be with you anymore, you didn't do anything, and also I can't tell you why" rigamarole. And they're having a very sad conversation in which he is desperately heartbroken and she is ALSO clearly desperately heartbroken when this person pops up. She's Baxter, the news ladies' maid for Cora, who has been recommended by Thomas, and I can't figure out her game yet. (We haven't seen her before, right? My prediction is that she's going to turn out to be Thomas's sister with a scandalous past which he is equal parts holding over her and helping her climb out of, given that they have a very vague convo later wherein he reminds her very strongly that he needs her to be his eyes and ears upstairs, AND SHE KNOWS WHY.)
Downton Scheduling
I just thought Mrs Hughes's daily schedule was interesting. It's not very juicy. If only it said things like, "9 AM: Lady Mary (CRANKY TODAY)" and "11:45 AM: Have lengthy painful discussion about psychosexual trauma w. various staff members," and "2:15 PM: Thank Patmore for dealing with this Daisy/Alfred thing for me," and "5:25-7:45 PM: General meddling in affairs." More realistic that way.
Downton Breakfasting
Speaking of Baxter, she is totally working Cora. She brought her orange juice, because she knew Americans like to drink it with our breakfasts -- this is true. Orange juice is delightful! USA! USA! -- and Cora is beside herself with joy over it. You'd think Baxter'd stuck a diamond in Cora's soft-boiled egg. All you need to get into Cora's good graces is some vitamin C in the morning, apparently.
Downton Meddling
JUST MAKE OUT. Also, Dr Clarkson has assigned Isobel the task of finding a job for a random village boy with the unfortunate moniker of YOUNG PEG. They also have this long convo about how the village sees Isobel as one of the Downtonites, but she doesn't feel like one, and Dr Clarkson is like, "YOU ARE TERRIBLE AT LETTING PEOPLE LOVE YOU," and she literally says, "I think that's rather harsh!" and he rolls his eyes and barely manages not to say, "I mean ME. Well, everyone else too but mostly me."
Downton Engagements
So, Lord Gillingham's engagement to the Debutante of the Year is in the papers and Mary acts like she's all torn up about it. Mary, come on. For one thing, even money is that Lord Gillingham is broke as a church mouse and was primarily interested in you because you're a hot young widow with a huge estate, a bunch of cash, and a mysteriously missing Gutenberg Bible. Let him sponge off of poor Mabel Lane-Fox.You don't want his valet hanging around anyway, not least because he's about to get murdered by another one of your employees. I ASSUME NO SPOILERS.
Downton Eavesdroppers
In which Bates overhears the fifth identical conversation between Mrs Hughes and Anna where Mrs Hughes really wants Anna to tell Bates what happened and Anna is all, "I can't!" and Mrs Hughes is all, "you HAVE to!" and Anna is like, "IT WILL RUIN EVERYTHING. BATES IS TOO MURDER-Y TO EVER KNOW" and Mrs Hughes is like, "DUH EVERYTHING IS RUINED ALREADY JUST TELL HIM MY GOD WHY AM I ALWAYS GETTING SUCKED INTO OTHER PEOPLE'S SEXUAL TRAGEDIES." She also tells Anna quite firmly that keeping this to herself is a mistake, and then she storms off. The thing is, I get Anna's fears, but also...maybe tell Mr Bates what happened so he can help you get through it, and then also tell him that HE CANNOT GO MURDER THE VALET because that will make things worse? Talk to each other, you sad beautiful fools!
Downton Debtors
So, one of Downton's tenant farmers has died, and Lord G goes to the funeral because he's a nice man even if he never did find a pound he couldn't accidentally squander. He then has a convo with the tenant's son -- a Mr. Drew -- about how their farm is in the red, and Downton is going to take it over and start farming it themselves. The son notes that he had no idea his father was behind on the rent, and he wants to take over the tenancy. But...he's fifty pounds short on the rent owed. And Lord G, because he's an old softy, offers to go to bat for him with Mary and Tom (who really want this land) and ALSO to loan him the fifty pounds so he can just take it right over with a minimum of fuss. This could easily turn into a total disaster, we all know that, right?
Downton Crying
OH MARY YOU ARE NOT CRYING OVER BRITISH CHRIS MESSINA. Hearing about his engagement to the Mysterious Mabel Lane-Fox, Edith notes, "I thought he was rather keen on you," and Mary nastily notes that this isn't the first time Edith has "gotten the wrong end of the stick." Mary is really tremendously crabby when she's not getting laid. Not to be crass, but it's true, and I say that as someone who actually really loves and sympathizes with Mary. But this, dear readers, this is the making of a terrific Greek tragedy: Mary's an old crank when she's not getting any, and yet all evidence points to the fact that her vagina is a killing machine. Someone call Sophocles.
Downton Kerchiefs
Whereas Edith SHOULD be crying. She is dressed like your babushka and she hasn't heard from Michael Gregson in ages. Cora is all, "well, you know, he's probably really busy in Germany being slowly indoctrinated into the political belief system that will eventually became the Nazi Party," but the rest of us know that Edith is worried Gregson has just hit it and quit it. And indeed she looks TERRIFICALLY concerned.
Downton Plans
Mary and her lovely tunic suggests they have a party for Lord G's upcoming birthday, so mark your calendars: It's a rare Downton Party that ends happily, so stock up on hankies because surely this one will involve someone, like, accidentally poisoning Carson. (Although, honestly, you know I LOVE a Country House Party! And I certainly don't want to give the impression that I wouldn't love it if Carson got poisoned. Not because I dislike him -- I LOVE Carson! -- but because of The Drama! The Angst! The Scandal! The Poison!)
Downton Meddling
In an act that surprises no one, Isobel browbeats the Dowager Countess into taking on YOUNG PEG -- I don't know why, but I feel a moniker that ridiculous deserves caps -- as an apprentice gardener. The DG grouses that Isobel is forever talking her into things and that it's really rather annoying, but she still agrees.
Downton Babies
In case you're wondering, Tom and Sybie are pretending that a hurricane is about to destroy all her toys, and when he knocks her blocks over, gently, for said hurricane, her British-accented "uh-oh" is simply the most adorable thing on television. Mary sits down with them and gets George on her lap and tries to have a heart-to-heart with Tom, in which she asks him if he thinks Sybil is having a "good childhood," and his response, diplomatically, is that Mary is "doing [her] best for [her]." This is not really what Mary wanted to hear. EVERYONE IS TRYING, TOM. HALF OF THE HOUSE IS DEAD RIGHT NOW.
Downton George
Just look at that sweet little muffin. I want to squash him.
Downton Cora
In which Cora looks very pretty in a dress which matches her bedroom paint and Baxter kisses up by mentioning that everyone keeps telling her stories about Sybil and what a precious precious angel she was, taken too soon, surely too sweet even for Heaven, a darling gem of a human too fine for this hard earth. Sweet, well-meaning Cora is so easy to con. She would have agreed to a Ponzi scheme, too, if the person talking her into it gave her a grapefruit and said he thought her girls were lovely. Although the truth is that Baxter doesn't SEEM like an O'Brien-type.
Downton Concern
Even Mary is concerned about Anna claiming she hasn't moved back in with Bates because she "hasn't gotten around to it." There is a huge part of me that hopes, if anyone avenges Anna's rape other than Anna, that it's the unstoppeable girl-power team of Mary and Mrs Hughes. Because while Bates might be full of boiling murderous rage right now (fairly), Mary and Mrs Hughes would actually make a terrifying and brutally effective duo when it comes to dispensing street justice to those who have it coming.
Downton Hats!
Edith's going up to London "to check in on the paper" but mostly to wear this really great hat. Alfred is going up with her, because he's taking his test at the Ritz to see if he gets into their chef's training program. (He doesn't, but given that everyone's response is, "try, try again," I suspect he will eventually NO SPOILERS.)
Downton Poetry
Lord G really hopes that Mary and Tom will agree to let Mr Drew keep his farm. Tom is leaning toward doing so, pointing that that he's still kind of a Socialist. "If we don't respect the past, we'll find it harder to rebuild our future," Lord G says, then tells everyone that he's really been working on that turn of phrase and it thought it was rather good. The Dowager C sniffs that they CANNOT have a poet in the family; after all, look what happened to Lord Byron! Allow me to quote Wikipedia: "Byron was celebrated in life for aristocratic excesses, including huge debts, numerous love affairs, rumours of a scandalous incestuous liaison with his half-sister, and self-imposed exile." Sounds like Downton to me! Bring it on.
Downton Future
One of several moments where items running on the magic of electrical power make an appearance or are suggested -- Cora wants to buy a refrigerator -- and Mrs Patmore is DISPLEASED WITH THEM. She is not good with change, you guys, not even when that change involves neatly and quickly mending her torn apron, or preventing her carpal tunnel. "Mrs Patmore, is there any aspect of the present day that you can accept without resistance?" Cora finally asks, and there is one: Mrs P is kind of over her corset.
Downton YOUNG PEG
This is YOUNG PEG and he's either going to kill someone, seduce someone, or kidnap one of the children.
Downton Coats
Edith's coat is glamorous and fabulous when she pops into the city to check on some of Michael Gregson's "affairs..."
Downton UH OH
...at a DOCTOR'S OFFICE, where she's either finding out whether or not she's been SCANDALOUSLY IMPREGNATED or she's checking on the mental health and well-being of Gregson's Crazy Wife in the Attic. (Remember, she has power of attorney now.) If Edith is knocked up...that should be good. And by good I mean, "good TV." Not good for Edith. That's terrible for Edith.
Downton Soup
In which Alfred, to his shame, doesn't QUITE make the requirements to be trained as a chef at the Ritz, and -- more brutally horrifying -- does not know what a vichyssoise is. The scandal and the shame of being ignorant of cold leek soup!!!! Although, honestly, I have literally never yelled the word, "vichyssoise" at my TV with such fervor before.
Downton Dudes
This is Evelyn Napier, ANOTHER old friend of Mary's, and she is DELIGHTED to see him in a way she was NEVER delighted to see Gillingham. He's blah blah something governmental studies about estates in financial trouble ("not you guys, pinky promise") blah in the neighborhood and yadda yadda, he and his boss are going to be bunking at Downton while they're at it. The better for ROMANTICAL INTRIGUE! That is my absolute FAVORITE SORT of intrigue! He rather looks like a young Hugh Laurie to me, and I like his dimples.
Downton FINALLY
In which Bates finally drags the truth out of Mrs Hughes, by basically saying that if she doesn't tell him WTF is going on with Anna, he is going to quit and leave forever before Anna gets back from running errands. So she tells him -- and I do feel for Mrs Hughes here, as this is a terrible secret to have to keep -- but she claims Anna's rapist was a stranger who broke into the house and waited for her. Bates doesn't buy this in the least -- he has figured out that it was The Evil Valet, and also that plot makes no sense (was this stranger waiting for Anna specifically, or just anyone? How would this person have known that someone would be alone downstairs when that never happens, etc) -- and makes Mrs H swear on her mother's grave (literally) that they have no idea who did it. And Mrs H is basically like, "FINE I GUESS I'LL SWEAR BUT LOOK I REALLY DON'T WANT TO SWEAR EVEN THOUGH I AM ACTUALLY TOTALLY TELLING THE TRUTH." Nice try, sister.
Downton Side-Eye
I love the side-eye Rose is giving this dress on Edith, and in fact it IS terrible. Edith doesn't dress as well when her lover is out of town. Mary is cranky and Edith is frumpy when they're not getting a regular roll in the hay. I am glad to that, in addition to teaching us that Meddling In the Affairs of Others Is Advisable, Downton is also suggesting that everyone's happier when they get to fall into the sack with hot people. I am afraid I also agree with that thesis.
Downton America
Tom is like, "living here is confusing to me and I am pretty sure I'm just going to pack up Sybie and move to America," and no one is happy about this, except maybe Cora, because she IS an American (her voice even sounds extra American when they're talking about it) and probably wants an excuse to go over and visit more often. Mary, in particular, is not happy with the idea of losing Tom. Maybe THEY can hook up. And, yes, my recapping this particular show is revealing to you all that basically I just want good-looking people on TV to make out, like, all the time.
Downton Tears
This scene was terrific. Regardless of what you think about this plot, Brendan Coyle and Joanne Froggatt are crushing it. So, Bates tells Anna that he knows that she was raped, and he also tells her that Mrs Hughes told him the perpetrator was a stranger, but he is clearly trying to see if Anna will react when he says the name of Gillingham's valet, so I still don't think he buys any of that, regardless of Mrs Hughes's ham-handed vows. "If it was the valet...he is a dead man," says Bates, and Anna is like I KNEW YOU'D SAY THAT. I wish Mrs Hughes had told Bates, "Anna didn't tell you because she thinks you'll go murder the guy and then she will really be miserable, so don't DO THAT."
ANYWAY, Anna tells Bates that now her "shame has nowhere to hide," and he is like, "what are you even talking about?" and she says, "I am spoiled for you," and Bates is like, "YOU COULD NEVER BE SPOILED FOR ME." He basically tells her that she is perfect and now even more perfect because she has suffered so nobly and he loves her more than ever and they embrace and she cries and he cries a little and I also might have cried a little.
Downton Stupid Molesley
Oh, right. So, when they thought Alfred was going to get to work at the Ritz, Carson offered Molesley the footman gig and Molesley was a total prat about it, all "I have to think about whether I can LOWER MYSELF" and Carson basically sputters, "you're literally working on the streets right now," and yet Molesley still says he has to think about it. So, later, he comes back and delivers this v. noble speech about how he's going to take the footman spot for the good of humanity (!) or some such ridiculousness and Carson absolutely DELIGHTS in telling him that if he'd taken the job on the spot, Carson would be "stuck with [him]," but now that it turns out Alfred isn't leaving, the offered is rescinded. You can almost hear the sad trombone.
Downton Scandal!
The Dowager Countess is pretty sure YOUNG PEG has stolen her favorite letter opener. It was given to the late Lord Grantham by the King of Sweden!!! And she is NOT pleased. Isobel and Dr Clarkson don't think YOUNG PEG could have commited such a dastardly crime, but everyone promises to keep an eye out. I just hope this is the beginning of The DC and Isobel and Dr Clarkson starting a Scooby Doo-esque crime-fighting gang.
Downton Farming
In which Mary tells Mr Drew he can keep his farm, and he's like, "awesome! Also, your dad was swell to loan me those 50 pounds and totally keep it from you." And Tom is all, "Mary, are you mad that Lord G kept ANOTHER FINANCIAL SECRET FROM US?" and Mary is like, "no. This was a very nice one." But it's part of a troubling pattern, Mary. Don't get it twisted. (Although I do think Lord G was in the right on this one. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.)
Downton Murder
And of course the episode closes with Anna and Mrs Hughes debriefing the Bates thing. Anna tells Mrs Hughes she's moving back in with Bates, and Mrs Hughes is pretty thrilled that she's not going to hell and/or disturbing the peace of her beloved mother's grave for naught. But when Mrs Hughes runs into Bates in the hallway, he tells her, basically, "PLEASE, like I would burden Anna with the truth, and that truth is that I am TOTALLY GOING TO GET MY MURDER ON." So that should be fun. I can't wait until we all get to hang out in the prison set for hours on end again. (Actually, my non-spoiled prediction is that Mrs Hughes is going to Avenge Anna in part as a way to nip Bates's murder-y instincts in the bud. WE WILL SEE.) (PS: Someone really does need to tell Bates he has to stop threatening to murder people. Seriously.)