Cross-Promotion Empire
So, this interests me. The made-up American Sound Awards -- I guess they couldn't pay for the rights to any actual ceremonies? -- are being fake-advertised on this building. Note on the left the ad for Black-ish, which airs on ABC DURING Empire. Either that was actually on this building and they chose not to wipe it away -- they could have -- or they put it there themselves, as a shout-out to another super-successful minority-driven show on network television. Either way, I actually think it's really cool. Who says you can't give a little love to the competition.
Gabourey Empire
I love that Gabourey gets to pop in here and be bright and smart and sarcastic. But I had higher hopes for her participation in this show. Other than the GREAT but brief love scene she had earlier, this character has nothing to her. They don't delve into anything about her. She's basically just... Gabourey Sidibe, for all we know. It's another example of how Empire so far has not known what to do with any woman that isn't Cookie. It's like they can only pay attention to one in 30-second bursts.
Leather Empire
Cookie, you'll be pleased to know, looks as bad-ass as ever. Taraji P. Henson has turned out to be the most fierce wearer of garments on TV. The alchemy she performs is on Joan Collins's level.
Well-Dressed Empire
Hakeem also looks nicer here than ... well, ever, because he's put away the tank tops. He misses out on being nominated for Rapper of the Year, a nod Freda Gatz got in his place. This seems right because Hakeem only won that rap battle by the use of props -- beating the hell out of the lights that said "LYON" -- and the miracle of a telepathic crowd that could rap back with him. That's CHEATING, Hakeem. That's like being the Vegas illusionist of rap battles.
Awkward Empire
These two. Alicia Keys sneaks up behind Jamal for a cuddle and he jumps out of his skin. SUPER smooth, Jamal. She's very flirty and he's somewhat appreciative, which she somehow totally ignores even though just about any woman who just banged a gay man would be on HIGH ALERT for weirdness. Hell, any woman who banged a NON-gay man would be on high alert. People, generally, are on post-banging behavioral high alerts.
Sly Empire
Even Lucious is on high alert, and it wasn't even his banging. "You hitting that?" he asks. And Jamal, being an idiot, doesn't lie, "No, Dad, sometimes human being are just friends but I can't help it if she's hot for me because I'm adorable." Nor does he say, "Sure. Sexuality is fluid and I'm attracted to souls, not genitals." Instead he says, "Uh," and then goes, "I'M STILL GAY." Oh grow up Jamal. It's called being bisexual. Or, being horny.
Grossly, Lucious then snickers, "She fixed you." Asshat. He is getting what's coming to him later, though.
Bug Empire
So, Mimi finds out that Lucious randomly sold off parts of the company without consulting the board. So she sits down to have a long talk with him about it, in which she ostensibly supports him but actually draws out of him all kinds of evil rantings about how he's going to GET REVENGE against anyone who opposes him and then FIRE THE BASTARDS once this is all sorted out. Mimi jams her pen tip in his face and smiles and nods, in what has to be the least subtle deployment of a recording device ever. She might as well have dropped a boom mic right on over his forehead.
Forgotten Empire
I just thought you should know she's still here. All she does is pop up and sing occasionally. Again: a lady nobody has any idea what to do with, and add to that list the really lovely bald lady with the stunning voice, who keeps being referenced but then never actually has appeared on camera more than twice. Tiana was Hakeem's lover and a Secret Lesbian, and her portrayer is in the Swift Squad. LEVERAGE IT, y'all.
Armageddon Empire
William Fichtner has also reappeared, needling Lucious whenever possible about how Jamal has surpassed him, and announcing how hardcore he's going to promote Jamal. It irritates Lucious so much that he oh-so-casually mentions that Jamal and Alicia are sleeping together. No word on whether this gives Fichtner any space dementia.
Hurt Empire
Alicia and Jamal perform their song about being powerful, and then Charlamagne Tha God -- a rapper of subtlety and humility -- comes up and asks her why she's singing about race in America when she's strenuously avoided identifying as anything in particular (her character is mixed race, as is her portrayer). Twitter even sticks a Rachel Dolezal wig on her, they say. She acts hurt, and then Charlemagne tries to compare it to Jamal's sexuality and how he came out as gay and it's not like he's trying to back away and be something else now. Jamal handles this badly enough that it's amazing Twitter didn't go nuts with Charlemagne's question: "YOU GAY RIGHT?" See? Subtle. Also I like Alicia's dress.
Alarm Empire
The alarm in the McMansion is on the fritz. This is important later. See? All these boring scenes with Rhonda HAVE been building to something.
Jealousy Empire
Indeed, Anika comes by, and hears all about how Lucious is referring to the fetus as "the heir," and lavishing money and attention on Rhonda, and it's all she can do not to spit so many nails that they can hang their ultrasound photos.
Bisexual Empire
Alicia is performing later and spies Jamal flirting with a guy in the crowd. She later calls him out on it, and they agree that a) he is gay, b) she doesn't want to un-gay him, c) neither of them wants to blunt anyone's truth, or something, and d) apparently that bisexuality can't be a thing. They do not explicitly say this, but obviously they believe it, because they are making room for NO sexual grey areas. I appreciate the show not backtracking on Jamal's homosexuality, which was important, but: That plot ended up being kind of a letdown anyway, given that Jamal has NEVER run into ANY OBSTACLES AT ALL pertaining to that. So maybe having him be bisexual, even if it's just a brief flirtation with Alicia Keys, would throw up some obstacles. SOMETHING.
Crackpot Empire
Noted Crackpot Mimi Whiteman takes the stage at Lucious's big American Sound Awards Nominations party and introduces her beloved wife, who is her everything...
Supermodel Empire
... and it is CAMILLA, aka Naomi Campbell, aka a REALLY GREAT TWIST. It makes sense now that Mimi would be plotting against Lucious, because she is being duped through sexual sorcery by someone who HATES Lucious and wants to take from him. I LOVE this twist, especially if it means more Naomi.
And the look on Lucious's face says it all: He smells this rat, and it is confirmed when Mimi calls a board meeting to announce that she is calling ANOTHER board meeting at which they will vote on booting Lucious. Then she plays the recording.
OH YES Empire
And don't you think Yazz has to be happy that she's back? Naomi Campbell gets to purr in his face things about how her marriage is not what it seems, and she still thinks he can SEIZE THE WORLD and that she can make it happen for him. There is a lot of face stroking. Empire's writers do a lot of things oddly, but when they get raw material like Naomi Campbell, they know what to do with it.
Orgasm Empire
Meanwhile, Lucious's cronies are trying to be, borrow, or steal votes, which is why Thirsty here is offering up cunnilingus in an elevator. It doesn't work. "That was good, but it wasn't ten million dollars good," she says blithely. There was also a scene where Andre got into a limo with an old cowboy in the dead of night. I hope he didn't also trade some mouth favors. It's not the most sanitary way to do business.
Da Brat Empire
There's also a subplot about Cookie having Hakeem and Laura perform at her prison's family day, where she hoped to have her friend Jezzy perform. But then she finds out Jezzy, far from being out soon and about to become a great rapper, has gotten a life sentence for killing her cellmate over some toothpaste. Here is my question: Why are you getting Da Brat to play this person if you don't then have her come up on stage and rap for the inmates? Unless this means Cookie is going to free her through some absurd means, like getting Thirsty Rawlings to argue that the toothpaste fumes drove her to temporary insanity.
Voting Empire
The next great thing: Cookie is still at the prison and doesn't think she can make the board vote, so she gives Hakeem her proxy. Camilla has tried to poison the well by telling him that Cookie knows she tore up Lucious's bribe check and that she did not simply take the money and run. Cookie reminds Hakeem that Camilla still left anyway, and tells him that while Lyon Dynasty is their future, Empire is still their legacy. This is a terrible argument to a kid who just wants to feel like his project is important. She should have said that Empire was the stepping stone that created Lyon Dynasty, and that they still want to be able to stand on it.
And so, when it's Hakeem's turn to vote, he AYES ejecting Lucious while Cookie -- who has just arrived -- screams at him through the boardroom glass. It's really good.
Barf Empire
Throughout, Terrence Howard plays Lucious as if he is having a very long heart attack. Which he probably is. Among other things, this total homophobic jackwagon is getting his comeuppance from a lesbian. It's beautiful.
YES Empire
Please just drink in this moment. These two are going to be a delight. PLEASE do not deny us more of it, the way you are denying us more Vivica. Also, Taraji winds up and spits in Camilla's face, carefully shot so that obviously Taraji is spitting at a stand-in. LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT FUR. Can we just wonder why she wore that to see her friends in prison? Rubbing it in much, Cookie?
Gunplay Empire
Lucious is coping with tragedy as well as you'd expect: by picking up his semi-automatic and firing it at everything he can find in his office. This is both really healthy, and awkward, given recent events in the actual world. Supergirl had to rush a future episode to the mix in order to skip one that was too close to Paris; other shows have turned themselves inside out to avoid appearing insensitive to fresh tragedies, and yet we didn't hear anything about this one. I guess there isn't much they could have done with this scene, but I'm a bit surprised there wasn't a disclaimer about it. I don't know. Watching him wave that thing around just hit a real sour note for me.
Cookie comes in and talks the gun out of his hand, and the scene ends with him grabbing her desperately and sobbing into her shoulder that her 17 years of prison and all his selling of drugs was for nothing now and he hates that. She bucks him up and tells him to get downstairs and be strong for the two sons who love him. It's a good scene in spite of the discomfort related to recent events.
Ouch Empire
One son, Andre, is about to be REAL sad because his wife is lying at the bottom of the stairs. Someone breaks into the house, which she does not take seriously because the alarm is on the fritz, and shoves Rhonda down the stairs. If it was confirmed to be Anika then I missed that, but... I mean, it has to be Anika. For one thing, the sad end to the baby would make Anika's fetus The Heir, which is what she wants. And for another, who else even remembers Rhonda exists? Even Andre doesn't seem entirely sure of it.
Vicious Empire
At the end, as Lucious loses the one thing he's always prized, he gets the one thing he never had: a nomination for Song of the Year for that rap with Freda. He's up against Jamal. And while Jamal seems proud of this, Lucious says, "Ain't it a bitch," with a gleam in his eye that wipes the smile right off Jamal's face.
Earlier, too, he did whisper to Cookie that he wants to kill Hakeem. Cookie does not react to this; normally you'd expect her to smack him and call him out on his hyperbole, or at least his dickishness. But she doesn't. Which is... not great, Bob. Not for Hakeem. Especially because this show seems to think Lucious is a flawed hero, rather than a flawed douchebag, and so it won't keep him down for long.