Randy Jackson
"I mean, lovers, this makes his face look like Las Vegas."
Randy Jackson
"Nice glasses, Harry NOTter and the Deathly Flowers. HA HA HA HA. See? I have still got it, lovers."
Nicki Minaj
"I admit lovers I do not know what this person is, but her marching band looks terrible."
Nicki Minaj
"Casper just said to me, 'Ay, Jennifer, that is like Rainbow Brite if she became a raver,' and I said, 'Casper, I do not drink or smoke or rave but I trust you because you are not Marc,' and he laughed and then did NOT stick a bendy straw into my arm vein and that is why we are in love."
Keith Urban
"Who and the what now? Did he walk here through his farm? More like Keith RURAL. Ay! ! I am en fuego! Do not touch me or you will burn with desire! Psst. If you are Jon Hamm then you are required to touch me because I want to be on Mad Men and also I have seen your pants."
Keith Urban
"Lovers, is he lost? I am concerned he thinks he signed up for American Midol, a show about los hombres who run out to the drugstore to get medicine for their wives at inconvenient times."
Mariah Carey
"Lovers, I'm sure I do not know who this is, either, but if she keeps dressing tastefully and with restraint then she should be forced to STAND or else disgrace my chair with her zzzzzz. You will miss me, lovers. You will CRAVE ME. I will come back and sing in my spandex and you will cry for my light. I cannot wait! Do not buy her records!"