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# Fug the Show: Gossip Girl, Final Season, Episode 2
- URL: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-gossip-girl-final-season-episode-2/
- Published: 2012-10-17T15:00:51.000Z
- Updated: 2012-10-16T21:05:34.000Z
- Author: Heather
- Tags: #wp, #wp-gallery, #slideshow, #Import 2026-10-07 07:31

## Nate and Sage

![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/bf/b9/bfb99790-924d-4e41-a7e6-5e3c6e04fe57/content/images/static-gofugyourself-com/uploads/2012/10/img_0378_1.png)

This is Nate, bedding the Columbia journalism student from last week. Nate is so predictable. Adorable, yet predictable. I believe Georgina refers to him later as the "hot, vacant one" and Dan tries to imply that Nate has a surprisingly high IQ and it's very funny, and also... nice try, Dan. If you can't figure out where this is going, let me help you: "Nate Sage" anagrams to "teen saga."

## Serena and Barry

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_0380.png)

Also, Barry Watson and Serena are snuggling, and she's so grown-up now in her grown-up relationship that she's sleeping in full grown-up blouses.

## Georgina and Dan

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_03811.png)

And Dan, whose stomach was turned at the sight of Ivy ear-humping his father, is bunking at Georgina's -- where he wakes up to learn she has been watching him sleep. Again. Where is her baby, and her adorably clueless wishy-washy suit-clad baby-daddy type? Shouldn't he also be watching Dan sleep?

## Blair

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_03831.png)

Blair sleeps in pajamas with pictures of jewels on them, which could only be MORE on the nose if they were photos of Chuck's naked body draped with said jewels. She wakes up in a cold sweat of expository dialogue. Today she's being interviewed by *WWD* about taking over Eleanor's atelier, and it's important blah blah blah somehow Dorota is the only person she has to discuss this with, even though you know Eleanor would be participating in the changeover rather than handing Blair the keys to the Mack truck and saying, "Good luck, don't forget to check your mirrors."

## Chuck

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_0384.png)

Chuck is wearing another elaborate suit, with the sides of his head extravagantly shaved. His head is a tad Hitler Youth for my taste, although that would make a very juicy ending to the series.

## Serena and Barry

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_0385.png)

Serena basks in the smug glow of deciding she's an adult now, because she's 22 and has been to rehab at least twice. She's wearing long skirts and convinced Barry to get her on the board of the Central Park Conservancy, which is a terrible idea. Even the Central Perk Conservancy board would be a terrible idea. When you are 22 and somebody's hot piece of stuff AND you are Serena Van Der Woodsen, and you've had your boyfriend gift-wrap you a fancy-pants board seat, there is no way those people are going to enjoy your company or willingly legitimize you. But, she's Serena, so she gets to have her way.

## Blair

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_0387.png)

Blair, meanwhile, looks like an Easter basket. We are three seconds from a rabbit hopping over and hiding an egg in her bra. She should also hope that shirt isn't an Eleanor Waldorf design (isn't it sort of unseemly for a designer to show up at her big business meeting wearing someone ELSE'S clothes? Victoria Beckham doesn't wear Chanel to her fashion shows), because that front, much like her psyche, will not lie flat.

## Blair

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_0388.png)

However, we are at her newly redesigned office space -- overseen hilariously by Dorota -- and while it includes lots of awesome touches, it's TOTALLY off the mark for me that Dorota would have included these framed pictures from season one of Blair and Serena. Let us count the ways: 1) Before she and Serena had fun that day, Serena stole the spotlight at Blair's big shoot and made Blair feel small AND Eleanor participated in this, so it was basically the playing-out of Blair's greatest insecurities; and 2) Dorota knows full well that Blair and Serena aren't friends anymore and that Blair is inexplicably depressed about this. Oh, Dorota. I give you an A for effort, and an A-plus for your taste in wallpaper, because LOOK AT BLAIR'S PERSONAL OFFICE:

## Blair's Office

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_03921.png)

This is EXACTLY what my home office looks like, by which I mean, this is EXACTLY NOT what my home office looks like and yet someday when I'm lousy with cash and interior decorators and space and time -- so, when I'm 85 and figure I've handed out enough cash for college to my grandchildren -- I am going to make my home office in this image. LOVE.

## Blair

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_03951.png)

Blair is also pleased, and her purse is cute. But apparently none of her mother's Parisian employees decided to join her, so suddenly Blair has nobody. No press agent, no French pseudo-Bassian personal assistant (seriously, what happened that guy?), nothing. This is so ridiculous. There is no way Eleanor would be allowing this to happen. Blair would have PR teams, designers, a space for sewing and production that is not her conference table... a sewing machine, somewhere, anywhere, period... The whole thing looks pretty but makes less sense than calculus.

## Dan

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_0396.png)

Dan is trying to distract us from his head-suit by exposing some of his chest jungle. He laments that all the publishers in the world have turned down his book and his agent apparently dropped him. This book must be terribly written. There is no way they would turn down ACTUAL DIRT-DISHING, without pseudonyms, right? Georgina decides it's better this way -- they'll serialize it in a magazine for a while and then sell it for big bucks after people are hooked. She has meetings lined up for them. Considering how creepy Dan thinks she is, I'm not sure why she's still in the picture -- she didn't actually help him come up with a revenge scheme; all she did was stand next to him and drink tea while he typed. He didn't actually NEED her.

## Lily

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_0398.png)

Chuck drags his foreign lady friend to brunch with Lily and Bart to try and unsettle Bart, and it works: Bart hisses to the lady that their weekend together has already cost him enough and she needs to LEAVE TOWN. Lily overhears, Bart tells her it was while she was sleeping with Rufus and that the woman was extorting him, Lily tells Chuck that his attempts to ruin their marriage are for naught, and Chuck of course had no idea and reads his friend the riot act for withholding information. Also, this is only HALF of the food the Bass chef cooked for brunch. FOR FOUR PEOPLE. I hope Lily wrapped it up and gave it to the homeless. Or at least poor Vanya.

## Serena and Nate

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_0408.png)

Serena and Nate walk around town to discuss how living in the country for three months and dating a 40-year old means Serena has outgrown Blair. Dear Serena: At least Blair has a job. And has had other jobs that didn't involve her sleeping with her married congressman boss. For his part, Nate wants to tell her all about the hot sex he's having with a college student, which feels about right.

## Sage and Barry

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_0409.png)

BUT, then Nate spies Sage and Barry together at a restaurant, hugging and then clasping hands. They decide they're being cheated on. Nate's answer to this is to call her and leave a cranky dumping message. Serena's response is to hide behind a van and call Barry to ask if he's cheating on her. He picks up the call in the middle of lunch with Sage, which she didn't, so this means that Barry is the winner at jumping when Serena snaps, and Sage is actually the winner at life. Anyway, Barry of course says no, he's not cheating, and Serena looks like she might puke all over some poor electrician's rig. Lily later tells her to suck it up and act like an adult at her event tonight and then talk to Barry about it later, instead of causing an immediate scene like Serena clearly wants to. Are Lily and Serena speaking again? I don't even know what the hell is going on with them.

## Nellie

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_04101.png)

Blair's former minion Nellie, who was particularly tormented and then had the GALL to get into Yale when Blair didn't, turns out to be the *WWD* reporter. Immediately, this sends Blair into a tailspin because she can't fake her way through the meeting and Nellie hates her. Blair then flips out when she learns that Poppy Lifton -- a socialite from earlier seasons who turned out to be a con artist -- is also designing a collection and the piece was about both of them. So she makes up a dumb reason not to show her clothes on the spot and then goes on the spy-warpath against Poppy's collection. Oh, Blair. Seriously. Whenever you act like a moron, you get a moron's due.

## Blair's clothes

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_04121.png)

This is one of Blair's hotly anticipated new dresses. So basically, Blair is turning Eleanor Waldorf's company into Anna Sui's.

## Blair's minions

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_0413.png)

Blair's minions, all tarted up like if Forever 21 sold Blair Waldorf paper dolls, tell Blair that they did some recon and it turns out Poppy's collection uses the exact same fabric as Blair's. Instead of finding a way to roll with this, Blair does exactly what never works: flips out and decides to sabotage Poppy's collection. Because there is NO WAY that will backfire and yield worse press. It's like Blair has Backfire Amnesia.

## Chris Rovzar and Jessica Pressler

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_0415_2.png)

Chris and Jessica here started the tremendous and legendary *Gossip Girl* Reality Index recaps on New York mag's Web site, and as such were honored with a cameo, which rules. They're playing people who are telling Dan and Georgina, basically, "We love this SO MUCH! Of course, we'll change it all, but it's GREAT." They leave every publication without a deal, so Nate tries to convince Dan to let the *Spectator* have it. Dan is like, "Talk to my people." And Nate can't figure out why Sage keeps trying to call him. Nate, every woman who's ever slept with you has come back for fifths. It's not rocket science.

## Dan and Georgina

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_0418.png)

Meanwhile, Michelle Trachtenberg has been stuck in those shoes for the entire episode, and EVERY time they show her taking a step -- even in her close-ups -- she is hobbling. It's so awkward. Just give the girl a shoe she can move in without walking like she doesn't have knees.

## Georgina

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_0425_2.png)

Georgina isn't into Nate's offer -- the first lady ever not to be satisfied by Nate Archibald -- so she shows up at Serena's Conservancy shindig to tantalize Graydon Carter. She's wearing YET ANOTHER giant necklace and a hideously unflattering dress that looks like she knocked out some other poor lady and locked her in a broom closet. Which she probably did, and it's unfair not to let us see that.

## Serena and Barry and Nate

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_0426_2.png)

Serena, of course, chose an overly complicated dress with ties and flaps and flowers and a back that makes it look like she's wearing a pinafore. It's a reflection of her mental state. She's ruffled, and thus, so is her gown.

## Sage

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_04281.png)

She's pissed off because Sage has shown up, obviously hoping everyone will assume she is Selena Gomez, and she is wearing some kind of Mayan God of Shenanigans on her pelvis.

## Serena

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_0432.png)

And when Serena marches over to Nate to tell him to dispatch with his fling/Barry's alleged mistress, it's revealed she's in Grecian flats. Which, at a gala like this, I SO do not buy. Serena Van Der Woodsen did not get sexed into responsible footwear. Anyway, obviously, this is where it's revealed that Sage is actually Barry's 17-year old daughter, not his lover. So Nate just slept with a high-schooler and Serena is stepmom-adjacent. Folks... Does NOBODY use Goggle or Ding or Betaprawler or any of the other close-bit-fake TV search engines anymore? Even if Serena is too stupid to open Jungle Expedition on her iPhone, you're telling me NONE of Serena's friends searched on Barry Watson and were all, "Hey, Serena, have you met his teenage stepdaughter yet?" Or that, once they saw them together, either Nate or Serena wouldn't have looked up Sage? Come on. But the show adorably tries to rationalize why it's not creepy that Nate and Sage hooked up, and came up with, "They are closer in age than Serena and Barry," and you know what? It's TRUE. Sage also mentions to Nate that she looked up whether this is illegal and it's not. Hello, CW Network Note.

## Chuck

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_0434.png)

Chuck comes over because Bart tricked him into running to Blair's side, so he could spirit the Dubai lady out of town. This affords us another look at Chuck's haircut, and SERIOUSLY, it's like *Swing Kids* up in here.

## Nellie

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_04351.png)

Meanwhile, Nellie goes on and on to Dan about how she was a loser just like him, but she's figured out how to stop caring and start competing. Except for how she totally DOES still care, because she orchestrated the whole Blair vs. Poppy thing specifically so that Blair would self-destruct. Which is actually pretty savvy of her, so: Well played, Nellie. Your glasses are sassy and your purses are cute, and if Dan doesn't try to sleep with you then against him I will root. Or something.

## Chuck

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_0438_1.png)

Bart breaks into Chuck's safe and gives the lady her $10 mil to vanish back to Dubai, and he and Chuck drink over his victory while Chuck re-declares war and Bart flicks him aside like a mosquito. More importantly, WHAT is that in the background? Does Chuck have a woman suspended from his ceiling? I've decided it's a stuffed Blair wearing a hot pink cape that she's swirling around her as she turns her back on him, and it's his creepy way of reminding himself that love is fleeting. Blair, of course, would find it hopelessly romantic if Chuck prayed to her dummy doppelganger.

## Blair

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_04391.png)

But Blair is too busy looking cute while she exposits -- to her new staff, again corralled by Dorota -- that her REAL make-or-break is next week's presentation to buyers. Her career and lovelife depend on it, remember, because she won't be with Chuck again until she's achieved something on her own. And by "on her own," she clearly means, "With a gift business from my mother and a maid who is my Tony Danza."

## Nate

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_0440.png)

Dan decides to turn down the offer Georgina got from Graydon Carter. Nate struggles through reading a page of Dan's book -- words are hard; so many silent letters! -- and concludes that it's incendiary and that Dan is going to burn every bridge in his life. Again. Dan determines that he doesn't care, because his father is screwing a con artist and his sister got chased out of town after getting her virginity stolen by Chuck Bass (who should have stopped it, yes, but come on, Dan -- Jenny made her choice, even if it was a dumb one), and Chuck is a slimeball yet still gets the girl, and Serena is vapid... Dan basically hates everyone. Presumably also Nate, though neither of them brings that up. Besides, they are each other's lobsters.

## MYSTERIES

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_04421.png)

Chuck's lady sends him a photo of her lost weekend with Bart, saying this is a person they met up with; Chuck zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Seriously, does anyone care? Chuck is on an island here in this plot. And not a fun island with smoke monsters and Jesus figures.

## Sage

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_0445_1.png)

Serena has apparently convinced Barry that it's cool for Sage to date Nate -- dude, he's still 22 and she's still A SENIOR AT CONSTANCE; that is weird no matter the legality, especially because HE RUNS A NEWSPAPER and the media would be having a field day with that. Anyway, in exchange, they walk Sage to school every day, or something? Sage hates this, sasses to Serena that nobody YOUNG still reads Gossip Girl (implying no one cares who Serena is), and then of course that's not true because all her hipster minions are atwitter about how Serena is sleeping with Sage's dad. "NOT FOR LONG," Sage plots. These girls collectively look like they fell out of a catalog called *Girl Band* that Disney uses to cast its latest sitcoms. The two on the right would already be bloodied over having both chosen navy and white polka-dots, one of the girls on the left clearly thinks she is Geordi La Forge's soulmate, and I think that one girl's hat is actually a Turbie Twist.

## Serena

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/10/IMG_04471.png)

But Serena doesn't notice, nor care. She's too busy strolling blissfully with her grown-up long skirts and her grown-up boyfriend, who grown-up punched Nate in the face at her grown-up party, and yet the Conservancy board grown-up decided that the grown-up money Serena brought in outweighs the embarrassment of her grown-down personal drama so she gets to stay. At this point, I am so tired of Serena -- she really DOES get everything she wants, despite the fact that she never actually seems to want ANYTHING except some dude -- that I would be rooting for a dramatic hair fire, or something, except that her funeral would be insufferable. At least Sage is out to get her now, so... plot, little herb. Plot.

[Fug the Show: Gossip Girl, Final Season, Episode 2In which the show returns to the old chestnut, "Blair Acts Like An Idiot Because She Has Never Learned Anything, Ever, From Any Of The Other Times She Has Acted Like An Idiot, And Serena Gets To Be Smug And A Party Happens." There's like twelve of these per season.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/bf/b9/bfb99790-924d-4e41-a7e6-5e3c6e04fe57/content/images/static-gofugyourself-com/uploads/2012/10/img_0378_1.png)](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-gossip-girl-final-season-episode-2-10-2012/)