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# Fug the Show: Gossip Girl, The Grand Finale
- URL: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-gossip-girl-the-grand-finale/
- Published: 2012-12-19T17:00:50.000Z
- Updated: 2013-05-13T21:40:56.000Z
- Author: Heather
- Tags: #wp, #wp-gallery, #slideshow, #Import 2026-10-07 07:31

## Georgina

![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/bf/b9/bfb99790-924d-4e41-a7e6-5e3c6e04fe57/content/images/static-gofugyourself-com/uploads/2012/12/img_1746.png)

Let's all just drink this in for a moment, and wonder if -- post-Dawn from *Buffy* \-- we EVER would've imagined saying the following sentence and meaning it: "TV will be a bleaker place without Michelle Trachtenberg." And yet here we are. The writers clearly agree, because -- even more than Blair -- they always give Georgina the greatest lines, and she does awesome things with them. We salute you, M.Tracht. Come back to us.

## Blair and Chuck and Dead Bart Bass

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1749.png)

That crumpled heap in the background covered with a sheet is Bart Bass's corpse. He DID fall off the building, and presumably, he can't fake his death this time because his brains are busy making a real estate transaction of their own with the sidewalk. Chuck and Blair are dumb. Nobody knew they were on the roof with Bart, yet instead of putting themselves back at the party and looking innocent, they run away. And because Chuck told everyone Bart tried to kill him, he's going to be Suspect #1 here, and RUNNING MAKES YOU LOOK GUILTY YOU FOOLS. YOU HAVE AIRTIGHT ALIBIS. NOBODY SAW YOU. Sigh.

## Serena

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1754.png)

Meanwhile, Serena finds Dan's packet of mystery and sits down to read in her private plane. She tells the pilot to hang on a second, but rudely does not offer him a dramatic reading of Dan's ramblings.

## Lily

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1759.png)

Lily gets the call about Bart and manages to arrange her features into something resembling vague concern, which I guess is all you can muster when the husband you never loved the FIRST time you married him has died a second time.

## Ivy

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1760.png)

Meanwhile, Ivy calls William and tells him that Bart is GONE. FOVEVER. And now he can come back to the city and they can be together. This is never going to happen. Oh, Ivy. I'm not sure when she turned naive. Also, because there is no other place, can we discuss the Nelly Yuki red herring? The way they kept bringing her up, and having her moon over Dan, I was just SURE she played some role in all this -- even if that role was that she and Dan would end up together, stomping on all these people like lit cigarettes.

## Trunk Show

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1762.png)

Meanwhile, Chuck and Blair look as picturesque as a couple can when a limo driver is smuggling them away inside the trunk.

## Nate

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/img_1764.xml)

I am including this only because, when the cops come by to search the suite for Chuck, they try to talk to Sage and Nate snaps, "You're not talking to her. She's a minor." Oh, but not minor enough for it to be a problem that you're SLEEPING WITH HER? The cop even kind of gives him a knowing look. NATE. LISTEN TO YOURSELF.

Nate and Sage then spend three scenes laying out all his research about the identity of Gossip Girl, to save the paper. But the best part is, it's all a total waste of our time, because he gets a confession later. This show wouldn't even let Nate put ONE puzzle together, but really, that feels right, because does ANYONE think he can do one that's more than four pieces?

## Dorota, Eleanor, and Vizzini

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/img_1766.xml)

I love Margaret Colin for being okay with ACTUALLY looking like a woman who just woke up in the middle of the night. The cops barge in to find Blair, and Vizzini dismisses them instantly, and then Eleanor says, "Oh, come on, they wouldn't actually KILL Bart," and AWESOMELY, Eleanor and Vizzini both shrug, "Ehhh....." I mean, he's not Sicilian, so there's no rule about going up against him when death is on the line.

## Jack Bass

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1772.png)

Jack Bass reveals he casually left his tracker on Chuck's limo, from back when he wanted to destroy him, so he knew where Chuck and Blair fled. He helpfully reminds them that nobody saw them up there, so they can say whatever they want to about what happened or didn't happen, and that if they, say, get MARRIED, then nobody can make Blair testify against Chuck. Thank you, Jack.

## Jack

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1778.png)

Jack also spends the entire episode looking like he is crazy stupid high or drunk, and might want to throw up on someone's shoes.

## Chuck

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1781.png)

So Chuck pulls out Blair's ring, which is around her neck on a chain, and kneels down and magically the chain is just long enough not to pull her down with him and/or dig into her flesh. He proposes, she says yes and slides it on while it's still around her neck, and then they make out, with a necklace flapping around getting in their way. Exactly the proposal every girl has ever wanted. Later, because they're fugitives, they go ... to a courthouse. To get married. Kids, you're not thinking. And Chuck decides Blair deserves better, even if they are getting married for legal protection, so he storms out of said courthouse in a huff while nobody bats an eyelash.

## Lily and William

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1783.png)

William arrives and tells Lily he thought she might need his support. Lily is all too eager to take it, in a way that reinforces that she used to be cool and now is really just an awful person. She ALSO, somewhat spectacularly, shrugs that for Bart's funeral they can just do the exact same thing they did the last time he died, and then she and William giggle about going upstairs to have tea, in a non-euphemistic way AS FAR AS WE KNOW.

## Blair and Dan

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1784.png)

These two sit in Dan's hideous new apartment, looking like they're at a drama camp, discussing the details of Dan's big final chapter. It's clear he has written a truth-telling missive about the identity of Gossip Girl, except at this point the show sort of tries to jerk you around into thinking it might be him OR Jenny OR just that he knows something... but let's be clear: It's Dan, and from here out, you know that's what they're doing.

## Flashbacks!

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1789_2.png)

Here, we get some truly awesome flashbacks to a high school party from when they were in ninth grade. Nate's hair is HILARIOUS. It reminds me of when Ben Affleck first got plugs. And Chuck Bass looks deliciously sleazy, just the way he used to, like he thinks he's an alt-rocker.

## S and D

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1792_2.png)

And this fever-dream is Dan's first sighting of Serena -- like so many on the show, it involves her on high (and possibly high), while he's down below, looking up at her and basking in her golden essence. Seriously, from the Grand Central Station sighting to anytime he sees her at Blair's (or anytime he saw Blair there, for that matter), the show was fond of staging it so Dan was always at the bottom, gazing up. DEEP THOUGHTS.

Anyway, their first encounter involved him bumbling stuff about Hello Kitty and barmitzvahs and his lack of social life, and her making "jokes" that weren't funny so he didn't get them, and giggling and gazing at him like he was a very fuzzy kitty cat she wanted to adopt and then have someone else take care of for the 23 hours she wasn't in the mood to cuddle.

## Jack and Georgina

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1800.png)

Meanwhile, Jack has to help out Chuck and Blair, and Blair sends him straight to Georgina Sparks, and the two of them appear very aroused indeed by their mutual love of scheming. Good.

## Ivy

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1802_2.png)

Meanwhile, Ivy catches William and Lily, and stupidly beams that she's *so glad* she ran into them together so that she and William can announce their couplehood. William is like, "Deranged urchin, I don't know what you mean," and Ivy flips her crazypants switch and threatens to RUIN HIM I TELL YOU, and Lily simply looks at her pityingly. Williams does whisper that he really appreciated her helping him with his real goal -- reclaiming Lily -- and that he hopes she pisses off back to Florida with her money and her dreams.

## The gang

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1809.png)

So, everyone meets at the Met to finalize the impromptu wedding, because when you're on the lam and paranoid that the pigs are on your tail, the first thing you do is gather a bunch of prominent Manhattanites in a public place and make it look like a secret meeting.

## B and S and D

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1814.png)

Blair looks very pretty in her Elie Saab wedding gown -- seriously, THIS hair, by the way, is Blair Waldorf Wedding Hair. I don't know what that drowned-rat nonsense was at her royal wedding; if that wasn't a sign to all and sundry that she didn't mean her vows, then what was? Anyway, Dan overhears Blair telling Serena that he's a tragic wharf rat who will always be a striver and who'll never belong. Serena tries limply to convince Blair to give Dan another chance because she doesn't know the whole story (RIDICULOUS), and Dan skulks away with Plotting On His Mind.

## Chuck and Nate

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1818.png)

Chuck is, I kid you not, getting married in a tuxedo with MINT LAPELS. AND A SPARKLY BOW TIE. He looks like he's apprenticing with a Vegas magician.

## N and Sage

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1820.png)

Dan decides to give his final confessional to The Spectator, so Nate dispatches Sage like the sex slave she is to go type it into his computer and publish it immediately. Dan refusing to make digital copies for his editors is yet another reason he's a secret asshole.

## The gang

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1823.png)

This is picturesque.

## THE PO-PO

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1826.png)

Guess who agrees with me?

## Chuck and Blair

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1824.png)

So they rush through the wedding -- it's very reminiscent of "MAN AND WIFE! SAY MAN AND WIFE!" from Prince Humperdinck's ill-fated nuptials to Buttercup, except with fewer six-fingered men who have secret tree forts.

## C and B

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/img_1827.xml)

OM NOM NOM.

## Guest Stars

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/img_1832_2.xml)

And then the Spectator's blast about the true identity of Gossip Girl goes live. Man, Sage is a fast typist. We get reactions from: Lola Rhodes, on the set of her movie; Mayor Bloomberg, who was just *sure* it was Dorota, which is the greatest; Vanessa, who looks typically awful and is apparently now living in the Dharma Initiative; that model friend of Jenny's played by Willa Holland, on loan from *Arrow*; Juliet, also on loan from *Arrow*; and, hilariously, Kristen Bell (the voice of Gossip Girl) and Rachel Bilson (a Josh Schwartz muse who's now been on four of his shows), who were practicing a scene from the movie script of *Inside Out* when the blast came through. They are actually very funny (and Bell, visibly pregnant), and this was kind of a brilliant idea, except for how they made poor Bilson say something about what a brilliant writer Dan is. Oh, Rachel. You sold it as well as you could. I love these two. Please put K.Bell on *Hart of Dixie*.

## Gossip Girl

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1840.png)

Then Bilson goes, "Wait... GOSSIP GIRL IS REAL?!?" and Kristen turns to the camera and gives a sassy wink that [I have helpfully put into an animated GIF for you](https://i.picasion.com/pic62/034421ffacd825a0c6ea76407cfcf5b7.gif?ref=go-fug-yourself.ghost.io).

## Flashbacks Part II

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1844_2.png)

So the gang gathers back at the Waldorf penthouse, and there's some reminiscing that includes heinous headbands and Chuck wearing a Caesar haircut.

## Dan and Serena

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/img_1846.xml)

And then Serena and her cleavage argue to everyone that Dan being Gossip Girl is totally fine, because really, the whole site was a love letter to all of them, and it never REALLY did them any harm because, say, he shut it down at certain times when they needed it, and helped Serena out of jams other times. Oh, really, Serena? Remember last season, or whenever that was, when you swore vengeance on Gossip Girl because "she" was a life-ruiner? And how you spent a bunch of time on your high horse about how trashy and evil Gossip Girl was and you would NEVER want to start a blog that was as ROTTEN as that one? But here's why I'm not surprised at her acceptance: Serena is nothing if not easy to fluff, and Dan has managed to frame the ENTIRE existence of Gossip Girl as being because he was in love with her, and wanted to make her a star and help her, and has convinced her that GG always looked out for her more than she hurt her... and Serena believes it, because Serena is ALWAYS going to believe anyone who tells her she's the sparkliest, most special flower.

## Rufus

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/img_1849.xml)

Rufus is totally grossed out, though, especially because Gossip Girl posted information about Chuck deflowering Jenny. But Dan says Jenny knew the whole time -- y'all in the comments are going to have to help me out with whether that, or any of it, tracks at ALL -- and that anything it posted about Jenny, she WANTED posted, for various reasons. Like the virginity thing, he says Jenny handed him on purpose because she wanted to leave New York but needed Blair to banish her in order to go through with it. That is dysfunctional right there. Even more dysfunctional: Rufus is like, "Oh, okay. And Jenny leaving WAS the best thing that ever happened to her" -- translation: they don't miss T.Momz -- so he immediately forgives Dan ALSO. Come on! At least I thought I could count on Rufus's stern scorn!

## Chuck and Blair

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1854.png)

At least Blair is horrified. And wants to expel him from their lives. But everyone else seems beaten into submission and they're like, "Let's just move on, and Dan is an angel." I seriously ONLY believe that Serena would forgive him, for the aforementioned reasons of her egotism. Everyone else should tell him to do things that can only be reprinted in a series of characters that appear on your keyboard above the numbers.

## Dorota

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1855.png)

I mean, Dorota has turned to vodka on the rocks -- "low on the rocks" -- so you KNOW the whole thing is crazy. (Although I love that even Blair thought Dorota was Gossip Girl.) Jack Bass seemed marginally turned on when she ordered him to make that for her. And by "marginally turned on" I also mean "deeply already drunk."

## Fast forward

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1859.png)

Jumping ahead -- which we realize in a minute -- Nate gets off the Spectator's fancy jet (with Bart dead, he was able to buy out the loan or some bullshit; no one has ever explained why the fraud charges were not investigated, SINCE THEY WERE TRUE) and greets a reporter who is asking about his rumored run for mayor. Oh, show, you are hilarious. Nate probably can't even spell "Queens."

## Chuck and son

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1863.png)

Nate is en route to Chuck's penthouse, where he lives with his son...

## B

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/img_1865.xml)

... and his lady, whose boobs must have rebounded nicely from childbirth and mortherhood if she can wear that dress without help.

## HA

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/img_1873.xml)

Apparently, Lola and Hilary Duff -- you might remember her as the actress with whom Vanessa and Dan had a threesome -- are starring in the movie of Ivy's tell-all, which is a touch that I found very funny.

## Rufus

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/img_1874.xml)

And Rufus has hooked up with... Lisa Loeb. You can tell they're soulmates because they both wear glasses. Although Rufus's make him look like a groovy, gruff, hot professor.

## Lily and William

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/img_1875.xml)

There is also an implication that Lily has ended up with William. Lisa Loeb and I clearly have the same feelings about THAT, which are: Am I supposed to be happy for them? He pretended she had cancer, then slept with Ivy -- whom Lily SO reviles that she divorced Rufus based largely on him showing Ivy non-sexual kindness, and then later, when he showed Ivy sexual kindness, Lily sold one of her favorite paintings just to one-up them -- and tried to con his way back into their lives, but apparently we're supposed to think it's nice that they ended up together? Maybe we're NOT. Maybe, because Lily became so awful, we're supposed to think that this is her just desserts and that they deserve each other. I can buy that.

## Little J and Eric

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1876.png)

Eric, on loan from *Revenge*, gets a second of face time with Little J, on loan from nowhere.

## Georgina and Jack

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1885.png)

And Georgina and Jack Bass have apparently found true love, while presumably poor Philip wonders why she never came home for dinner.

## D and S

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1886.png)

Once again, Dan sees Serena from below, this time as she descends from the Heavens in her wedding gown. But here she takes his hand as his equal. Except not REALLY. She still makes sure she's a bit higher up than he is, because one must remind the Brooklyn boy what his station is. Serena looks very pretty, though, and of COURSE her wedding dress is a giant gilded meringue. Dan looks twelve next to her. The funny thing about this show is that every other character seemed to age up out of high school, but Penn Badgley always looks like a wee whippersnapper to me.

## The end

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1884.png)

And we pull out on the wedding, which is apparently being held at Blair's apartment so that everyone can slouch around and watch from the couch. AS IF. Though again, Serena lived life as though she were the star of her own TV show, and this is how people watch TV, so maybe it tracks. Personally I think they should've done it on the steps of Grand Central where he saw her when she returned to town, or maybe on the train where she had her drug overdose. Ooh, or maybe in that misty clearing where she and Trip Van Der Bilt's limo ran off the road because of some stray wolves. YES.

## Gossip Girl?

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/IMG_1889.png)

And the show ends with a slouchy Humphrey-lite meandering through the Upper East Side, drawing glowers from snooty classmates as Kristen Bell posits that she'll never truly be gone. "Who am I NOW? That's one secret I'll never tell," she says, as we fade to black on what had to be the most plummy paycheck a lady has ever received.

[Fug the Show: Gossip Girl, The Grand FinaleI wanted to begin the slideshow way I had hoped the series would've ended: Georgina Sparks, wearing somebody's hand mirror on her neck, staring with narrowed eyes at some unknown target. I was praying for a spinoff -- The Georgina Monologues, or Sparks & Recreation. Anything. Sigh. Instead, the show reveals the non-burning secret: WHO IS GOSSIP GIRL? I honestly always liked that the show just treated her as omniscient evil and never tried to make much of a mystery out of her identity, but I know they had to do SOMETHING, and apparently, the Seinfeld-style ending where they're all left in prison for the good of society wasn't on the table.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/bf/b9/bfb99790-924d-4e41-a7e6-5e3c6e04fe57/content/images/static-gofugyourself-com/uploads/2012/12/img_1746.png)](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-gossip-girl-the-grand-finale-12-2012/)