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# Fug the Show: Gossip Girl, THE PENULTIMATE EPISODE
- URL: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-gossip-girl-the-penultimate-episode/
- Published: 2012-12-17T17:00:13.000Z
- Updated: 2012-12-17T03:31:28.000Z
- Author: Heather
- Tags: #wp, #wp-gallery, #slideshow, #Import 2026-10-07 07:31

## Orange You Glad There Is Only One More Episode?

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/ggimg_1660.xml)

This one opens with a terrible dream sequence in which Blair and Chuck are dragged on-stage by a bandleader with an accordion, and told to pass an orange with their necks. It's like a third-grade birthday party meets the Catskills up in here. Which might be the point. Anyway, of course she hallucinates that Chuck turns into Bart and that he's whispering menacing, murdery things, none of which are directed at her wig. Which is too bad, because it needs to be terminated.

## Blair

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/ggIMG_1663.png)

Of course, when Blair wakes up, she has no wig to rip off -- sadly; more people should do that -- so instead she tears away her sleep mask and shrieks for Dorota. It doesn't matter what that woman's salary is; it's too little.

## Georgina and Dan

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/ggIMG_1664.png)

Now that Dan is rich, he wants a fancy apartment of his own. Georgina acts like she needs her own room there and Dan asks, "What about \[baby-daddy\] Phillip?" Hilariously, Georgina blinks and deadpans, "What do you mean? Has something happened to him?" She is a delight. But of course, Dan needs a sterling recommendation in order to get accepted into the building, doubly so because nobody wants to mingle with that hair.

## Dan

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/ggimg_1665.xml)

Including, I presume, the green-screen, which is rejecting his hair like a bad kidkey. If this is NOT a green-screen, then Penn Badgley needs to have a conversation with whoever is lighting his head.

## Blair and Chuck

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/ggimg_1670.xml)

Blair is storming around in a red dress with a VERY dramatic collar that Jessica would probably like, as she is to neck ruffles as Chuck's plot line is to zzzzzz. And oh, my lands! Bart Bass is being named NYC's Real Estate Person of the Year! I smell a gala dipped in shenanigans and rolled in hijinks! Also, these two goobers call Lily, and thanks to her apparently incredible memory, she has rattled off a bunch of numbers and incredibly specific information about what was on the microfilm, but I guess there's one small thing she couldn't remember and so they are foiled again? I swear, this is driving me insane. Not ONE lead they've stumbled upon has been useful in ANY WAY, AT ALL. It's terrible plotting.

## Nate

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/ggIMG_1674.png)

Nate whines to Sage that he's totally screwed, because -- much like Miss Scarlet in *Clue* (and probably a few others, AHEM, Mrs. White, I'm looking at you) -- he did what he's being blackmailed for. I am increasingly irritated at Gossip Girl's absence. There is no way she wouldn't be having a field day with pretty-boy faux-mogul Nate Archibald walking his girlfriend to school while she's wearing her uniform and a skirt that is really just a formality. Presumably her silence means we're going to have a big reveal as to her identity -- which is strange because this show has, for the most part, never tried to make us care who she is, which I thought was good.

## Serena

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/ggIMG_1675.png)

Meanwhile, now that things have gotten haaaaaard, guess what Serena is doing? What she does best: leaving town. For real. She's running away to Los Angeles again. These people need to stop caring because it plays right into her hands. She can do heinous things and be called out on her emotional nonsense, and all she has to do is buy a plane ticket and everyone is like, "Don't LEAVE US, LEGGY ANGEL!" Strangely, this photo makes it look like she has no legs, but if you peer really hard, you can see they're just tights-clad. Serena would NEVER cut off her own legs. About forty IQ points would disappear with them.

## Bart and Nate and their nostrils

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/ggIMG_1679.png)

Nate tells Bart that, as requested, he rooted through Chuck's phone and found nothing suspicious except a bunch of calls to Ivy Dickens -- a.k.a., the only other person they know of who might have read the microfilm. Bart is like, "I wish I were Powers Boothe," and Nate is all, "I wish I were Zac Efron."

## The Booby Gang

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/ggIMG_1680.png)

So these boneheads all congregate with Ivy -- lured there by Serena's empty promise of forgiveness; Ivy privately got all excited because she wanted to be able to tell her boyfriend, Serena's daddy, that they'd made up -- and tell her to convince Bart that she read or copied the microfilm. They think this is a wonderful plan, despite the fact that they're all meeting with her IN PUBLIC to discuss it. Whatever happened to alleys?

## Whoops

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/ggIMG_1682.png)

Oh, except Bart is not stupid, so he was having one or all of them followed. He knows Nate was playing him, so he had Nate arrested for fraud. Nate is actually apprehended INSIDE the restaurant and then hauled outside by the cops, past some waiting photographers. And no Gossip Girl blast in sight. Maybe NATE is Gossip Girl, and he's too stupid now to realize that he should be covering himself.

## Nice acting

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/ggIMG_1684.png)

And here are everyone's reactions to seeing their friend hauled away on charges for a massive crime: Ivy is bored, Blair looks at him like he's a mismatched shoe with an otherwise successful outfit; Chuck has smelled something wicked and is wondering if it can be used as evidence against his father; and Serena is trying unsuccessfully to read what it says on the car with the big flashy things on top of it.

## Bart and Bart Jr

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/ggimg_1687.xml)

Dan decides to ask Bart for his condo recommendation, and Bart agrees if Dan will write a profile of him that coincides with his big real estate honors. It has to be glowing. But Bart, shouldn't it also be GOOD? Dan accepts, because Bart does not mention quality control and therefore it seems like an achievable deal.

## Serena and Dan

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/ggimg_1688.xml)

Dan pauses to beg for Serena's forgiveness, and she rightly tells him that he sucks and should shove it.

## Driving Miss Waldorf

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/ggimg_1698.xml)

Meanwhile, Blair gets called away by an atelier emergency, except of course, it's BART BASS, hijacking her car and taking her somewhere. And for a show that relies almost entirely on cell phones for its tomfoolery, Blair appears to use hers to tell no one about this. Did I miss something? Seriously. Did he take it from her? Or does she have AT&T, so he drove her to Lincoln Center, where I NEVER GET ANY RECEPTION DURING FASHION WEEK?

## Les Deux Bass

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/ggimg_1699.xml)

So, the Basses face off: Bart tells Chuck that he's got Blair, he can ensure Nate's imprisonment, and he's onto Lily's betrayal and will harm her as well. Chuck has only to hop on the Bass jet and disappear to Moscow. Forever. Dramatic! Bart Bass is way better at scheming than these people. He should teach a class.

## The Captain

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/ggIMG_1702.png)

Sage calls in the one person she thinks can help Nate: his father, who was once in jail for something very, very similar. This is not a useful plan because his father's solution was to serve time. Because he did it. Since Nate also did it, I'm not sure what Sage was hoping this would achieve, unless she thought the Captain had some advice about how to look less pretty in the slammer.

## Nate

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/ggIMG_1701.png)

Even Nate is like, "NOBODY on this show can concoct a scheme anymore."

## Dan

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/ggIMG_1705.png)

Just in case you wondered, Bart Bass found Dan's ode to Serena -- I believe this is the chapter he DIDN'T submit, the fawning one -- and so here it is. Unsurprisingly, it's boring and bad, such as where it refers to Nate as "a naivete."

## Dan

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/ggIMG_1706.png)

"In my defense, I wrote that while under the influence of lameness."

## Blair and Chuck

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/ggimg_1710.xml)

So Chuck decides to go, and once Blair is released from whatever the hell she was being kept, she finds him at the airstrip. And they share a long goodbye, which would be really sweet if Moscow were some impenetrable place that Blair could never find without an arm tattoo and a cipher.

## B and her new minions

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/ggimg_1713.xml)

Okay. So at the Bass shindig, Blair wants to cause well-planned chaos. Spoiler: IT FAILS. Anyway, she enlists these fools to try and mess with Bart's head and maybe catch him on a phone recording admitting to something nefarious. Serena is like, "UGH, the only thing worse than this is that my boobs are covered."

## B

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/ggIMG_1715.png)

I do appreciate, though, that Blair had little heads made for all of them, so she could put them on her blueprint. That seems exactly like something Blair Waldorf would do. If you can't personalize your plotting, then what's the point? I'm only surprised they didn't set this scene inside a FedEx Kinko's.

## THE GREAT BEYOND

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/ggimg_1718.xml)

So, at the party, Bart drifts into contact with everyone: Serena does little of use, Georgina hands him a program of "donors" that is actually a list of the racehorses he bought for oil smuggling (and which she has handed out to everyone, despite that being indecipherable to anyone else and therefore why would Bart care?), and Ivy... I don't even know. But then THE DEAD ACCOUNTANT calls him FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL, and Bart freaks out...

## Sage and Blair

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/ggIMG_1716.png)

... and we cut to Blair saying to Sage, "Good job stealing the dead guy's phone." UM. WHERE DID SHE GET THIS PHONE. Did Blair send a high-schooler to the MORGUE? Also, this guy died ON A BOAT. SOMEWHERE ELSE. His phone is inside a shark right now. This is asinine.

## Blair and the girl

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/ggimg_1717.xml)

THEN, Blair parades Racehorse Guy's Daughter in front of Bart and they taunt him about how he MURDERED HER PETS, oh, yeah, and maybe also her dad, but THE HORSES MY GOD THE HORSES.

## Blair and Bart

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/ggIMG_1719.png)

So, none of this works, at all. So then Blair just lays into him, CONVENIENTLY right next to where someone has deposited a TV and turned on the news, which is reporting that the Bass plane has gone down and probably whoever was on board is hella dead. Bart is all, "Hmm." And Blair freaks out that he clearly tried to kill Chuck. In the great game "Moscow or Death," Bart chose death.

## Blair

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/ggIMG_1720.png)

Blair does not know which is worse: Chuck's presumed death, or the fact that everyone will have photos of her grieving in this unflattering makeup.

## Dan

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/ggIMG_1723.png)

So, Dan goes up to deliver his introduction of Bart, and instead he introduces.... Chuck, and I can't believe I didn't get a photo of that. Sorry. But it was dumb anyway: I thought it was going to get JUICY, but instead Chuck just wandered on stage and barked that Bart tried to kill him by downing the jet on purpose, but he has no proof YET AGAIN so security escorts him away. The score is Bart 165,000, Chuck 0.

## Georgina

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/ggIMG_1724.png)

Everyone is enjoying this as if it happens every week on the Upper East Side... which of course it does. Also, I love that Georgina's absurd necklaces get bigger and bigger. Not only is her dress hideous but that necklace weighs as much as a small child.

## Serena

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/ggimg_1725.xml)

This is how Blair and Serena reacted to Chuck being alive: dead eyes and numb faces. This whole episode Serena's mouth has been doing a Joey Potter. I'm concerned that trying to understand all this has given her a stroke.

## Bart

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/ggimg_1726.xml)

Bart: "Um, sorry." Everyone: "No worries. Is the bar still open?"

## Cap'n and Nate

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/ggIMG_1729.png)

So then these two -- I guess Nate is out on bail? -- pop over and ask Bart if they can buy him out of the Spectator and free Nate, and Bart is like, "Yes! By which I mean no. SQUIRM, JACKHOLES." Bart is not being very subtle anymore about his designs on supervillain status.

## Serena

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/ggIMG_1732.png)

Then Serena gets exactly what she wants for Christmas: A long plea from Blair not to leave town, because Serena is the sparkliest, best flower in the bunch, and Blair's life is empty without her. Blair, by the way, has recovered remarkably well from believing that Chuck was dead in the ocean somewhere. Serena tells Blair she simply must go anyway, because nothing is as important to her as storming out of a room. Or of a city.

## The Archibalds

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/ggimg_1735.xml)

These two are like, "Well, that didn't work. Time for Dad to disappear again. Good luck, I guess? Want to split a giant walnut before you go?"

## Dan and Serena

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/ggimg_1737.xml)

The only thing Dan contributed to any of this was introducing Chuck and saying some nice stuff about him. That's it. And it didn't even affect anything. But Dan acts like he singlehandedly dug Chuck out of the ocean, or something. Serena is unmoved, but she gets one more plea for her to stay before she shakes her head and saunters out of there in very pointy shoes. Dan slips an envelope into her bag before she goes. SHEDANIGANS.

## Bart

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/ggIMG_1738.png)

Then Bart realizes Chuck is up on the roof, where Chuck is attempting to elicit a confession while very obviously recording what Bart is saying. Like, i think he even pushed "record" in full view. Bart snatches the phone away, stops it, and then gets all hissy and rude. As Blair hurries up there to not save the day, Chuck and Bart get into a fight...

## Oops!

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/ggIMG_1739.png)

And Bart goes over the edge, because that's what people do on TV, even though centers of gravity make it very unlikely that you would pitch over a building's railing just by taking a punch at someone and missing. I think. I don't know; I'll admit, I've never tried. Do you think less of me?

## Bye daddy

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/12/ggIMG_1742.png)

Bart pleads with Chuck to save him, but Chuck watches his grip slip, and presumably, down, down, down he goes. This is fairly grim, as the series is ending tonight and recovering from watching your father drop to his death in time to have an upbeat conclusion seems challenging, no matter how big a jerk he was. So maybe he landed on an awning. Or, he's dead and everyone throws a parade. WE'LL SOON SEE.

[Fug the Show: Gossip Girl, THE PENULTIMATE EPISODEAt this point, the finale season is a failure if it DOESN'T end with Georgina Sparks poisoning their food and then becoming President.![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/ggimg_1660.xml)](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-gossip-girl-the-penultimate-episode-12-2012/)