Cute!
This dress on Zoe is actually adorable, but I couldn't get a good shot of it so you are just going to have to believe me. Just trust me, okay? God.
SPRING BREAAAAAAAAK
So, when Zoe opens the door of her adorable little shed, this is what greets her. It will not surprise you to hear that Wade is selling beer to all these hyper spring breakers -- who Lavon has invited to BlueBell as part of his ongoing attempt to get them back on the tourism circuit and make themselves some cashola. And they have TAKEN OVER THE TOWN.
WHOO HOOOO
Lavon looks delightfully spring-ish in his white linen pants and jaunty hat, but will you fire me if I note that Wade's pumped up muscles might be starting to make his head look a little too small?
SHOW US YOUR BOOBS
Hot Jackass Doctor -- who is really not a Jackass as much as I think he's just amused by his own cockiness -- is STILL trying to get into Zoe's pants (not very hard, I have to say), and basically talks her into going out and doing Spring Break with him. Zoe claims used to use spring break to study, which I have to say, is not very believable. They've done a good job on sort of avoiding the whole Rachel Bilson Is Not Super Believable As A Surgeon thing this season, but I am going to go out on a limb and note that Rachel Bilson just doesn't seem like someone who stayed in and studied all spring break. That's not an insult, just a note.
SAAAAAD!
AB is sad because Ruby Jeffries is back in town. I am also sad about that, because: come on. Are we really going back to dealing with THAT? Those characters had no chemistry to begin with. Spoiler: Lavon tells Ruby that he doesn't want to get back together with her. So turn that frown upside down, girl.
SPRANG BRIZZZZAAAAAK
Wally is selling the Rammer Jammer because he wants to LIVE, damn it! LIVE! His decision to focus less on work and more on LIFE DAMN IT LIFE makes Zoe decide she's going to go to SPRING BREAK CRAAAAAAAAAZY with Dr Jonah Jackass. Can we all just agree that this would be more fun if Dr Jonah were actually Justin Hartley?
WHOOOOOO
Lemon, of course, wants to buy the Rammer Jammer, but can't afford it and doesn't want to take the money from Brick. Dear Lemon: I love you, but a good way to get money to buy things is to get a job. Think about it! Also, your shirt would make cute wallpaper.
HIGH FIVEEEEEEE!
At least George finally is able to tell Jonah Jackass that he doesn't like him. "I am not a fan," he says. It's actually quite funny; although this opens up a whole storyline about whether or not George is jealous of Jonah and Zoe's Spring Break Date and there's a lot of No He's Not Maybe He Kind of Is But Not Like That, and I think that we might be inching back toward some George/Zoe stuff.
FANNNNNNY PACKS!
At least Wade is with it enough to mock Zoe for her fanny pack -- which they're trying to bring back, as you might know, but using the terminology "belt bag." Zoe even is all, "I know, it's dumb, right? But kind of cute!!" I must admit that the color of this particular FANNY PACK is kind of cute. As is her shirt.
SHOW US YOUR BOOOOOOOBS
I am just pretending this Ruby Jefferies thing isn't even happening -- primarily because we all know it's not ever going to go anywhere -- but we do need to address the fact that they both look totally cute here.
HANDS ON A HARD BODY WHOOO
Okay. So Lavon's arch-rival mayor of the neighboring town is attempting to steal his spring breakers -- and their money. So Lavon is trying to keep them in BlueBell by holding one of those contests where whoever keeps their hand on an expensive object the longest gets to keep it. They're giving away this boat.
BOATS!!!!!
And obviously Wade and Lemon both want to win the boat because they both want to sell it and use the money to buy the Rammer Jammer. It's worth noting that this is the WORST OUTFIT LEMON HAS EVER WORN. She looks like she's in costume as a folksy second grader.
MEDICAL ISSUES WHOOOOOOOOOOO
Tim Matheson and George have an accident coming home from fishing that curtails Zoe's Spring Break Date with Dr Jackass. Cue more yammering about whether George is doing this intentionally. I don't know how I feel about the idea of George and Zoe getting back together. Also: there's this whole subplot about how there is something wrong with Tim Matheson -- anything from a thyroid problem to a brain tumor -- and Zoe gets him an MRI and he pops out of it and tells everyone that he is fine!!!!! But clearly that's a lie, right? You don't set up one of your characters to have some sort of terrible something or other and then just drop that storyline 20 minutes later. Also, Tim Matheson is a really really terrible liar.
WHOOOOOOO
Eventually, Zoe gets her spring break -- and her belt bag -- on.
Right.
Meanwhile, Lemon and Wade have waited out everyone else who stuck their hands on that boat, except one woman, who told them that she was a pro and warned them that once they started hallucinating, it was time to give up the ghost. So Lemon and Wade decided to make her think she was hallucinating herself, courtesy of "Tom Long's lizard costume," which they had Lavon fetch for them.
KWAAAAAAAA
Then they started speaking gibberish and Wade pretended he was a velociraptor. It was pretty amusing.
CAAAAAAAKES
In which LBB is concerned about Tim Matheson's brain, which I assume will in fact explode in or around the season finale. I just wanted to include this because her dress is REALLY cute.
KEG STAAAAAAAND
It's nice of Dr Jackass to hold Zoe's fanny pack AND her legs as she does her first ever keg stand. Note: that shirt is also really quite cute.
ACK
Less cute? AnnaBeth's eye makeup. Seriously, you guys. No one wins here.
CRAFT SERVICES!!!!!!
Although her dress is kind of working for me.
WHOOOOO!
And this dress is TOTALLY working for me. And perhaps its cuteness -- in addition to Lemon finding out that her father has a Secret Brain Fog Maybe -- is part of what makes Lemon tell AB that she has her blessing to go and get all up on Lavon's hot hot bod.
WAAAAAITING
Can we also take a moment to talk about Lemon's hose? She looks...no bueno.
KISSING!!!!!
I'm happy for these two cute kids.
CO-OWNNNNNNERS!!!!
As we all saw coming, these two have decided to buy the bar together. As predictable as that development was -- well, predictable as of the beginning of the episode -- i must admit that I think this could very very funny.
WHOOOOO!
Also funny? Making Bilson do a headstand.
PANNNNNTS!
And those pants are adorable. That whole outfit is adorable.
80s!!!
Although don't get it twisted: Zoe was obviously wearing a bra, so she is really just flashing her undies to Dr Jackass, as he leaves town forever in costume as the bad boy in an 80s teen movie. Not that I have anything against the occasional drunken bra flashing at a party. Bra flashing for everyone!