Soooorrrry. Sooooo sorrrrrry

Zoe comes over to George's boat with the fixings of a Mind Eraser to apologize for telling him she still had feelings for him, and he is kind of smarmy and jerky about: her, his neighbor's dog, and the entire concept of online dating. Shut up, George. Sometimes ladies online date and dogs need to go out to pee late at night.

Cute

At least her shirt is cute!

Whoopsie

LemonWade are continuing to deal with the time they took out THE VERY WALL BEHIND LEMON WHICH APPEARS TO BE PRISTINE NOW and it exploded the bar. At least HER top is cute.

Tansy and George

Here, Tansy continues to have serious jealousy issues about Zoe and George's entire affect is angry and tense-seeming, which I don't think is supposed to be part of the episode but is instead a weird acting choice on Scott Porter's part. Maybe HE also thinks everyone in this episode is being a jerk. Anyway, Tansy acts completely squirrelly about Zoe and then basically goes CRAZY -- she turns to astrological answers ON THE ADVICE OF WANDA OF ALL PEOPLE and then gets mad when George is patronizing about it -- and then eventually they break up. I think we all saw this coming.

Sigh.

In which Zoe takes advice on her online dating profile from a high school student who is in love with a kid who planned a flash mob to seduce a 35 year old woman. This entire episode treats online dating with a weird mix of "good for her?" and "EW!!!" which is kind of bizarre given that I am COMPLETELY POSITIVE at least one person on the writers' staff is on OKCupid right now. Not because I know this personally, but because this is Los Angeles, and 75% of single writers are currently on OKCupid. Either make the online dating thing an actual funny plotline, or not, you guys. Why is the plotting on this show so flabby all of a sudden? Did someone take a vacation?

Whoopsie 2

"Hey guys! I had a brain tumor, and also now I'm engaged to a woman who broke up with me because I had a brain tumor! BUT EVERYTHING'S FINE NOW!!!!!!"

Shut up, everyone here except Lemon, who is completely legitimately and rightly upset about this turn of events. (I just find Magnolia irritating on general principles) Tim Matheson LITERALLY SAYS he forgot to tell them about his (former) brain tumor. YOU ARE A DOCTOR. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? Please tell me this is all going to culminate in Andie McPhee coming back to town as the girl's mother. It has to, right? I will be too weirded out if it turns out that the CW hired Meredith Monroe as essentially an extra. Weirded out on the behalf of her career.

Meatball

Meatball is obviously Zoe's first online date (he lied about his entire profile) -- to Wade's great amusement -- and....

Hah?

....in fact, Wade's amusement at Zoe's predicament -- which she is in because HE CHEATED ON HER BECAUSE HE IS A MANCHILD AND A TERRIBLE BOYFRIEND AND HAS CAUSED HER TO HAVE ALL KINDS OF PERSONAL PROBLEMS HA HA HA -- is so powerful that it makes the ceiling of the Rammer Jammer cave in.

I don't care

Across town, Lavon is still in a fight with the Mayor of Fillmore. Garbage is involved. All you need to know is that AB Is Perfect and mediates a hopefully lasting peace with the town of Fillmore, using the equally Perfect And Reasonable Mrs Mayor of Fillmore.

Prom

Also, Max The FlashMobbing Kicker and Rose try to set up Zoe with Max's Dad, who LITERALLY could not be less interested in her and eventually actually tells her that he can't even with her because she is way too dramatic for him. I basically just wanted you to see Max's suit.

you are dumb

Because Wade is apparently an idiot, he...okay, I can't with this. He hires a handyman off the internet, and then said handyman robs him by making him hold up "the main support beam" while he says he's going to go out to the car to get a jack (??) to fix it, but instead takes the cash out of the till and runs. The issues here: the main support beam had not fallen down in the five minutes before the handyman arrived so it seems dumb of Wade to believe he is STUCK HOLDING IT UP FOREVER while he's being ROBBED and LISTEN. Wade is an ASS but he isn't supposed to be THIS DUMB. ALSO: Yelp is really pretty reliable when it comes to handymen, so use that next time, Wade. Between the internet steering Wade wrong with his handymen and Zoe's sort of half-assed online dating plot, I am beginning to worry that the internet has done one of the writers wrong. I apologize on the behalf of the Internet, you guys.

ALSO: somehow I neglected to get screengrabs of this, but the robbery of the Rammer Jammer leads to Lemon asking for a loan from Brick, and Shelby totally butts in (at Tim Matheson's stupid behest) and puts the kibosh. She is totally TOTALLY out of line and a total jerk about it, and Lemon takes it really well. Later, Tim Matheson is going to go behind her back and give Lemon the money anyway, and they have a big fight about how Tim is still upset that LBB LEFT HIM WHEN HE HAD A BRAIN TUMOR BECAUSE HELLO SHE LEFT HIM WHEN HE HAD A BRAIN TUMOR AND HOW HAS THIS SHOW GOTTEN TO THE PLACE WHERE ONE OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS HAD A BRAIN TUMOR FOR TWO EPISODES.

Prom

Tansy's complete lunacy has also lead to her dressing like an extra in Xanadu while she and George chaperone the prom. (She is kind of working it, though -- as is Zoe, who has worn this dress before, and it was just as cute then).

SHOTS

She also gets drunk on the spiked (by Magnolia, obviously) punch. And then she loses it on Zoe. Her opening line, just to give you a taste, is, "hey there, HOMEWRECKER." Oh, honey. The only person wrecking your home right now is you.

Awkward

And then ZOE -- who has been rejected, as I mentioned, by Max's Dad -- is TOTALLY AWKWARD AND EMBARRASSING and in effect wrecks her OWN HOME because she starts yelling, "THERE'S SOMETHING TERRIBLY WRONG WITH ME." Then she gets kicked out of the prom. There is something terribly wrong with the last four episodes of this season. Please get it back on track, you guys. I know you can.

Greetings

This is how Heather and I conduct all GFY Business.

dunzo

And so, as I mentioned, George and Tansy broke up, in a development foreseen by all. Tansy asks George to MOVE OUT OF BLUEBELL BECAUSE SHE CAN'T DEAL WITH ZOE. And George is all, "....." And dude, seriously. You can't just leave town every time you realize your boyfriend's ex might still be warm for his form.

Speaking of relationships, I apparently totally blanked out on screengrabs of Tim Matheson and LBB NOT breaking up and instead deciding to GO AHEAD AND JUST GET MARRIED IMMEDIATELY. People are making really, really really really bad choices this week.

The Only Two People On the Show I Am Not Annoyed With

Lavon offers Lemon a business loan, and she turns him down. So he rallys the entire town to come help fix the Rammer Jammer, which is very sweet. You are the only two I'm not a little annoyed with, so hug yourselves extra hard from me!

BAD IDEA JEANS

Right? Remember what I said about bad choices? The prom was stressful, what with all the breaking up and drinking and screaming and embarrassing oneself and getting kicked out, so Zoe comes home and sleeps with Wade. Sigh.

Fug the Show: Hart of Dixie recap

Soooooo, everyone in this episode acted kind of like an ass. With the exception of Lemon. How times have changed. This time last year, I never would have guessed that Lemon would emerge from an episode as the only character for whom I had any sympathy -- or who didn't squander the sympathy I did have. (Okay, I am still sympathetic to Lavon, but his relationship with AB has proven to me that apparently I have a limit on how much AB I find enjoyable.) This whole thing was just full of people wearing their Bad Idea Jeans.