REVENGE! Wait, wrong show.

So, things with Zoe and Wade are still on shaky ground after last week when she was all weird about George being okay with her dating Wade. Wade is being all squirrelly and not just because he is worried that this is a jumpsuit Zoe is wearing.

Thank You

I would like to give a high-five to the wardrobe person who made sure that Zoe was wearing a Lacy Bralet underneath this top, though. I've missed you, Lacy Bralet. Never leave me again.

Anyway, they're both out of sorts and acting weird and then Wade announces that he wants to take Zoe on an actual date and then SHE acts all weird and my god you two can't you see that you're in love with each other maybe?

Gloomy

Also sulky and bummed: Lemon. You can tell she's in a bad emotional state whenever she puts on too many accessories. Dude, it IS hard when your one true love is all making pancakes in his underpants for some other girl who can't even move her face. I feel you, Lemon.

POP goes my heart.

Amusingly, this episode features George Tucker even referring to himself as George Tucker, and I was thinking about it over the weekend and I think that Scott Porter must have a Full Name kind of face, because Jason Street was ALSO kind of a Full Name sort of character. As, of course, was the part he played in Music and Lyrics. (You HAVE to watch that video if you haven't seen him in that movie. Just do it. You will not regret it. It is brilliant, and reaffirms my theory that Scott Porter has great comic timing not in evidence when he was all paralyzed and depressed on Friday Night Lights)

ANYWAY, Tansy surprises George into spilling coffee on himself, and then also charms him into helping her possibly kidnap a dog. That's basically also how I treat my own suitors.

Poor Lavon

Remember how Ruby took that job in Dallas but said she wasn't going to start until the first of the year because she wanted to see how things went with Lavon? Well, she went and BOUGHT A CONDO in Dallas so I am pretty sure she is moving no matter what. It saddens me to think of anyone leaving a man who has a wonderful tart and a bunch of pastries displayed on his kitchen table at all times. I mean, yay for Ruby as a successful woman unwilling to tether herself to a man or whatever but the older you get the more you realize that men who have a mouth-watering display of baked goods out for you AT ALL TIMES are few and far between and should be treated as thus.

Obligatory Tim Matheson

Tim Matheson is ALSO depressed, because he's broken up with Cousin Emily and this show apparently only cast Andie McPhee for two seconds and no lines and therefore his wife is never coming back either. Seriously, is Meredith Monroe locked in a diamond mine right now? Why would you cast her but never have Lemon's mother come back? I mean, leaving aside the fact that Meredith Monroe is WAY too young to be playing Jaime King's mom....wait. I just figured this out. You know how on Vampire Diaries, all the witches look unusually young? We are on a collision course for a really insane Crossover Event wherein we learn that Mrs Breeland is actually a powerful witch who had to flee Bluebell to avoid being sacrificed in the town's annual Witch-Burning Bonanza!!!!

ANYWAY, Lemon talks Tim into entering a basket in the bachelor auction, and vows that SHE is going to bid on one, herself. In the same of Moving On.

PS: Can we also discuss the seriously insane amount of fresh cut flowers in the Breeland house? I love fresh flowers, but jeez.

Sidebraids Ahoy

Zoe is flummoxed by this whole Bid On Wade's Basket (Not a Euphemism)/Go On A Real Date scenario, but a sidebraid is not going to solve your problems, girl. All of you people need to start talking about your emotions and whatnot, I'm sorry.

Greetings

Hey, remember that nice, cute orthodontist that Lemon met when she went out to Mobile to drink away her Left At The Altar Sorrows? Neither did I, until he showed up and explains that he's heard tell of the Bluebell Basket Bachelor Auction and he's entering it so she can bid on his basket. I know I said this episode is charming and fun and it is, but also: people, just call your intended and ask her to go bowling, or something. Driving to another town to enter their traditional bachelor auction in the hopes that the woman you like bids will bid on your basket is a convoluted way to get a date.

Hats

Lavon is concerned about Ruby's condo purchase, but he should really be concerned about how she has no idea which bachelor box is his and how therefore he is going to end up going out with someone other than his girlfriend NAMELY LEMON THIS SHOULD NOT BE A SURPRISE TO ANYONE WHO HAS WATCHED TV.

WHEE!

It turns out Laura Bell Bundy is actually really funny on this show. Guess who ended up buying the hell out of Tim Matheson's basket? That's right. I kind of hope they end up falling in weird, bargain-shoppers love, in part because LBB is a scream in this part and also because she and Lemon will be hilarious together. Also, it's plausible that LBB will snap and shove Magnolia into a cotton gin, which would solve like my last remaining issue with this show -- namely, that Magnolia is kind of a zzzzz.

Tansy

George Tucker made a basket specifically designed to lure Tansy (and to prove that he is not, as she said, predictable), and it included: taquitos, strudel, and a hair dryer. This worked on Tansy AND on me, because I think I love him now.

We could talk...or not talk....

Zoe and Wade -- who only go on this date after Zoe flubbed bidding on his basket and had to bribe its actual winner (Magnolia) to give it to her -- spend their entire date talking about...crackers. At the least, you'd think they could talk about her jacket.

Surprisingly...

While they're talking about finger foods, Tim Matheson and Laura Bell Bundy are having a really fun date...

And....

...and George Tucker and Tansy have excellent chemistry as they eat taquitos overlooking the whole of Warner Brother's back lot.

AWKWARD

But Lemon and Lavon are stuck on the most romantic date ever -- Lavon really goes all out, all the more reason that I would hang onto him like grim death -- which would be far less awkward if poor Lemon were not in love with him still. It turns out well, though -- they have this whole "I Treasure Thee, For Thou Taughtst Me to Love" kinda conversation, and after this, MAYBE Lemon will finally be able to move on.

Although of course I am sure once she does move on, Ruby will LITERALLY move on and then the cycle of angst-ridden longing will begin anew. That's what we're all here for, right?

Best Screengrab Ever

Tansy ends her date by dragging George Tucker off to help her kidnap her dog back from her ex's current girlfriend.

POW

George is kind of into it.

Zing!

Even if it all ends in blood and tutus.

SMOOCH

AND KISSING. (This is after George lawyers the Current Girlfriend into voluntarily giving Tansy her dog back; nothing is sexier than lawyering for pets.) (This is also right in front of Zoe, which might be why she's making this face later that evening:)

Oh, the angst

Except, I think she is actually more concerned about THIS:

It's Very Dawson to be Longing On a Dock

You two kids. Stop longing for each other across Burt Reynolds's lagoon, and TALK ABOUT IT.

Fug the Show: Hart of Dixie recap

This show continues to be extremely charming. And I continue to want to move to Bluebell. It's full of handsome, gainfully employed single men AND it has some kind of entertaining event every single week, and everyone comes out and is enthusiastic and no one is disaffected or bored and it's all refreshing. This week, all said single bachelors have put together "a date basket" as a way to facilitate what is essentially a bachelor auction (benefiting Carl Winslow's Shakespeare Society, naturally). As Shakespeare himself would have it, naturally, this all leads to star-crossed lovers being reunited via human error and mistaken identity. And as Shakespeare would also have had it, there are also interesting outfits.