Crops!
Okay, so, two things.
a) Zoe is wearing shorts AND A CROP TOP to the office. Which, I don't care how casual a town you live in, that is not appropriate for a freaking doctor. It just isn't. And:
b) This episode is all about how much George HATES Zoe, because he blames her for how his life is a total mess, which is questionable because no one MADE HIM write a song about Zoe that caused Tansy to break up with him for good, but I could have lived with it if this were a plot point that they'd hit harder in this season's earlier episodes. As it is, it feels a little left field this far into the season that George is, like, basically not speaking to Zoe. Additionally, Zoe has brought George "whitefish salad from Russ & Daughters," which is in NYC and I can only hope it was shipped to her recently, because if she brought that back with her in episode one, she's not trying to mend fences, she's trying to murder them.
Blogs!
While Joel is -- rather charmingly -- enjoying Bluebell (he's writing at a table in the Rammer Jammer with his own little lamp and everything), Zoe is horrified to see that the lunchtime poll on Carl Winslow's blog is about her relationship: only 13% of BlueBell thinks Joel is the man for her. And this causes a total TIZZY on Zoe's part and she spends the whole episode teaching tweens how to zipline in exchange for the Reverend to give a sermon about....welcoming newcomers, or something else that's obviously pro-Joel propaganda. This was a typically entertaining episode, but Rachel Bilson was about 10% more manic than usual. I blame the high-fives.
Meatball!
It turns out everyone thinks Lemon's Night of Romance with Robert Buckley is a work of fiction, and Meatball in particular believes this is the door opening for him to get back in there. To wit: "if she's desperate enough [to make up fake Canadian boyfriends], then she's desperate enough to take me back!" Spoiler: she is not.
More Boxes!
Jaime King Pregnancy Disguise 41: Boxes! And here we learn that BlueBell's gazebo has, for the first time, made the "Gazebos of Alabama" calendar. They're February, but Lavon wants the cover -- especially since February is the shortest month of the year. Lemon reminds Lavon that Cricket is going to suck at prepping a gazebo for a calender shoot (a sentence I have never before typed), but she also very firmly refuses to help the Belles in a way that makes me rather proud of her and then she picks up her, like, 11th box of pastries in the last three days and toddles off.
Paperwork!
There is paperwork on Lavon's kitchen island and no foodstuffs at all. BETRAYAL. (Also, Zoe asks him to issue a mayoral decree that every BlueBellian must like Joel; Lavon does not go for this.)
Pointing!
Lynly and her lack of vowels are back and my issue with this character is that she seems VERY young (I know she's post-college, since she's taking the LSAT, but she feels about 19) and it's kind of gross to see George and his giant biceps all entangled with a 19 year old. It's more troubling, too, because I can't decide if Lynly is crzy or if she just needs some attntn. She seems spcl in a not ttlly nrml way, is what I am saying. And the episode ends with her telling George she's going to "wear him down" and I THINK we're supposed to appreciate her moxie, but I'm also kind of worried that she might burn down his houseboat.
Hats!
The cowboy hat is part of Zoe's Manic Panic to make Joel fit in. She also decides to teach him how to drive -- Joel: "I don't want to learn how to drive a car. As an environmentalist, I'm concerned about emissions. As a New Yorker, I'm worried about driving a car." -- and it culminates in him crashing into the Reverend's van, giving him whiplash and yada yada yada (if we're being New Yorkers) Zoe agrees to take Joel and chaperone a Christian Teen Ziplining Weekend if the Rev will preach to the worshippers of BlueBell something that will convince/guilt them into loving Joel. (His original response, before the bribery, is, "I'm not the all-request DJ at WWJD," which is quite funny.)
MORE BOXES
Jaime King Pregnancy Disguise 42: More boxes. Still boxes. Always boxes.
More Meatballs!
Jaime King Pregnancy Disguise 43: MORE boxes and a flower box for good measure. Meatball is trying to convince Lemon to reintroduce him to her spaghetti, if you know what I mean, and she's all, "nah, I'm a vegetarian now," if you also know what I mean.
Gazebos!
It may not surprise you to hear that the Belles are NOT doing very well without Lemon's leadership and the natives appear to be restless. The Lemon Gets a Bunch of Defectors From the Belles plotline is inching SLOWLY along. Lemon finally agrees to help -- because Lavon promised her in return that he would help her prove that Robert Buckley is real. Which he does, by hiring Frank The Tiresome PI. Why didn't Lemon just ask the person who owns the hotel Robert Buckley was staying in some leading questions about him? There are like 5 people in BlueBell, surely she knows the owner (I don't think he was in Carl Winslow's B&B) and could finagle the scoop.
Quizzes!
There's a pub quiz at the Rammer Jammer because of course there is and George and Tom Long -- Team LongTucker -- are acing it until Wanda makes Tom go home with her for nookie and Lynly of course ends up stepping in and she's a trivia whizz and whatever. Do we really care about George and myb psychtc Lynly? N.
Camping!
Joel REALLY doesn't want to lead a bunch of tween girls in ziplining, not the least because he has a crippling fear of heights. He also thinks it's INSANE that Zoe is letting this poll bother her -- though he expresses this in a very sweet and well-adjusted way. In other news, that windbreaker is SO cute on Rachel Bilson, another sentence I never expected to type.
Haircuts!
Here is where George makes an appointment for a haircut that he never ends up getting because the universe hates me.
More Gazebos!
Jaime King Pregnancy Disguise 44: her own back.
Lavon!
Jaime King Pregnancy Disguise 45: a well placed camera.
Don Todd!
Nothing important is happening here except for the fact the George is still obsessed with Don Todd's Monster Golf Safari, and, frankly, so am I.
What?!
After a series of yada, George of course ends up co-chaperoning this trip with Zoe, and that's when they both learn that the entire town is 'shipping them, mostly thanks to George's country song about Zoe. Ironic considering they hate each other, but liveably so, given that they make up by the end of the episode, like everyone knew they would. It probably helps that Joel gets SUPER drunk thanks to Wade and super worked up thanks to Carl Winslow bending his ear about the Saga of Zoe and George and goes haring off to zipline to win back his lady, and all the tweens then decide they love JOEL, because of how he's brave and dramatic, two things tween girls love in a man.
Benches!
Jaime King Pregnancy Disguise 46: a bench. (Mostly, all she's getting to do this week is Learn That Her Night With Robert Buckley Was Meant To Be Just One Shining Moment In Time.)
Wisdom!
"I should have known. I'm a writer. She met George in Act One, and they all think I'm just the Act Two complication. But I'm not! I'm not." So monologues Joel before getting Wade to drive him off to face his zip-lining fears in a nice bit of meta-commentary that is kind of not even totally meta at all.
The Chains of Love!
Belle Elodie -- Bellodie? -- convinces Meatball that the best way to win Lemon back involves chaining himself to the gazebo.
Popcorn!
And rather than chain himself to anything, Wade gets out the popcorn (like the teenage girl that he is) as Joel almost dies on the zipline. Wilson Bethel didn't have that much to do in this episode, but what he did do was very funny. And he said one thing to Zoe that I want you to note and remember. He said to Zoe, while Joel was attempting to re-write his story arc, "It's too bad. That guy's so worried about George Tucker. When you and I both know damn well that you're still in love with me." WHICH I HOPE TURNS OUT TO BE TRUE. (No offense, Joel -- I want you to stay. I just love Wade. It took me the summer to get over what an ass he was at the end of last season, but I did it.)
Hanging!
Of course Joel gets stuck on the zipline and the fire department has to come rescue him.
Whoo!
Regardless of Wade's hopefully prescient commentary and the humiliation of needing to be rescued, the Tweens all love Joel now. They squeal that they're totally going to buy his new book! I hope this somehow leads to Lit Fic Joel writing some kind of ridiculous Sexy Boy Vampires Fall In Love With a Pretty Girl Werewolf series that makes him a millionaire.
Zombies!
Meatball's been chained to the gazebo for a LONG TIME and everyone else stood out there staring at him, too, for hours, because it's dark by the time he sings his song of zombie love for Lemon: "MY LOVE IS LIKE A ZOMBIE COMING BACK FROM THE DEAD/YOU MAKE ME WEAK IN MY KNEES AND IN MY HEAD."
MORE GAZEBO.
Jaime King Pregnancy Disguise 47: Another human being. The actual Lemon gives Meatball the entire lesson she herself has just learned about how sometimes you float into a person's life and then float out, and that's all it's meant to be and then gently tells him there are other girls out there better suited to him, girls who actually like Doctor Who, for example. Despite being horrified that Lemon's not that into the Doctor, Meatball negotiates one last kiss, and then he lays one on Jaime King's body double. It will not surprise you to find out this ends up being the cover of Alabama Gazebos. Take that, Fillmore!
Paperwork!
Much to Lemon's delight. (Jaime King Pregnancy Disguise 48: paperwork.)
FRIENDS!
Joel's shenanigans -- and his uptick in the polls -- have totally endeared him to the rest of BlueBell. Wally invites him to poker night and Carl Winslow invites him to his book club. So he totally has friends now, which means it's going to super suck when the carpet gets pulled out from under him and he finds himself in one of BlueBell's Patented Love Geometries. Also, yes, those are metallic shorts. METALLIC SHORTS!