Breakfast
a) So, Zoe and Wade are officially bf/gf and they're totally cute.
b) As is her leather-skirted dress.
c) I also just thought you should know that Lavon's Absurd Pastry Spread this morning includes A FRESHLY BAKED FRUIT-TOPPED CHEESECAKE and also a thing of turnovers.
ARGH
Lavon can not even with his massive spread of baked goods. Also, with how happy Wade and Zoe are, considering that he's all still bummed that Ruby wouldn't marry him and promptly left town (WHICH SHE WAS GOING TO DO ANYWAY LAVON I LOVE YOU BUT GET A GRIP). Which is why he tells Zoe that eventually this blissful honeymoon period is going to end and Wade is going to return to being Hot But Irritating Wade, planting a seed of fear that blossoms into this week's Flower of Crazy.
Adorable Shirts
So, Southern Living is coming to cover Pioneer Days and obviously these two are figuring out how to get the catering gig because AB's Catering and Shenanigans, or whatever it's called, needs the PR. I suspect they are also talking about how they may have bought Anthropologie entirely out of whimsically patterned tops.
After this convo, Lemon brings pop-overs to Lavon's house and asks him if they can cater First Feast; he says no, ostensibly because he's all still mad at her because she told Ruby about their affair, but perhaps also a little bit because HE DOESN'T NEED ANY MORE BAKED GOODS GOD LEMON DON'T YOU KNOW HIM AT ALL?
Shirtessness
Lavon's been distracted thanks to his Ruby Debacle, which is why he assigned Zoe and Wade the most important roles in Pioneer Days -- that of BlueBell's Founding Couple -- and THAT is why Zoe is reading Mrs Founding Couple's Diary in bed here. Apparently, this tome is a Belles favorite and full of helpful tips for successful long-term relationships -- or, rather, ONE helpful tip: whenever your partner enrages you, just... don't get mad at them. Turn it into a positive! My personal favorite positive in this scene is Wade's bare chest.
You go, Scott Porter
I'd like to thank this show for giving Scott Porter more comedic stuff to do. He is EXTREMELY FUNNY, and you'd never know from (a) the sturm und drang of his break-up with Lemon last season, or (b) Jason Street. I actually think one of the reasons this show is a step better than it was last season has to do with the addition of Carter Covington (who was a big part of Greek) to the staff. Greek was really good at being legitimately funny while not actually technically being a comedy, and it had a lot of event-oriented episodes, which is also a strength of Dixie. ANYWAY. Good job, writers.
Tim Matheson needs George's help to break up with Laura Bell Bundy; George does not even want to talk about it. Clearly.
Cute Dresses
You'd think they'd be talking about wherever they got their cute printed dresses, but actually Lemon is plotting a scheme to get that catering gig.
M&Ms Cure All
Zoe's attempts to not scream at Wade when he does dumb shit -- for example, losing her car when getting drunk fishing - have led to her stress-eating. Cricket suggests she sublimate her rage into a project. No one talks about how cute her blazer is. You would think people in this town would care more about cute blazers.
Success
AB and Lemon stage a fake partnership break-up so that Lavon will hire them; it works. AB is also wearing a dress that is both HIDEOUS and something that I would wear. Funny how that works.
QUILTING
It does not take Wade very long to realize that Zoe's new plan to sublimate all her rage into crafty projects is going turn her into Lemon. AND TO BE TERRIFIED BY THIS.
Pioneer Days
I can't even. This is Carl Winslow turning off the electricity to the town and then overseeing everyone transforming their Shops into Shoppes. I love this show.
PROJECTS
Wade continues to be extremely annoying -- losing Zoe's car, blowing off her plans to go orange picking to hang out with a friend named Meatball -- but she has not wavered from her Positivity Plan, and is becoming more manically Lemon-esque with each passing moment. GARLANDS ARE BEING MADE.
Meanwhile
Tim Matheson is having serious issues breaking up with LBB, and not only because this dress is super cute on her.
Obligatory
I assume at least some of you wanted to see him in Olde Timey Gear.
GARLANDS
I also assume some of you need to see Lemon looking like a royal bridesmaid from the 80s.
NOOO
In which George tells Wade that he needs to get Zoe to get mad at him now to avoid her getting REALLY CRAZY INSANE on him later. His musket agrees.
Headdresses!
a) I don't know that I think this is a very historically accurate headpiece.
b) Lavon has totally figured out that Lemon and AB haven't really broken up, and he is SCREWING WITH HER, big time, in part by forcing her to be the town's "Grog Wench" and calling her "Grog Wench" and basically just being kind of hilariously fixated on Grog as a concept.
OH HELL NO
Part of Wade's plan to pick a fight with Zoe and thus de-Lemon her involves unleashing a raccoon to eat her Loubs. "I guess I forgot to put donuts away this morning," he tells her, and I myself had forgotten that earlier in the episode, he had brought her pastries. So I obviously assumed that this raccoon was Wade's pet, and that its name is Donuts. I feel like this is not that weird a mental leap considering that the show has an alligator named Burt Reynolds. And, ergo, as far as I am concerned, this raccoon IS named Donuts.
HELLLLLL NO
Zoe is obvs enraged. And JUST IN TIME for them to head over to First Feast and give a speech about their beautiful beautiful easy-breezy relationship and the attentant glory of founding BlueBell in front of a reporter from Southern Living that Lavon has been platonically wooing for months because the town needs the tourist money. (Well, I assume the wooing is solely platonic, as he has enough romantic issues on his plate, but I will admit that the reporter has a very cute short haircut.)
Cheers?
You can tell how much Lemon loves being the Grog Wench and getting zero credit for how great her meal turned out. Even the reporter didn't believe AB when she tried to give Lemon props. Poor Lemon.
I need to make a macro for the words "Poor Lemon" this season. But taking your most difficult and unlikeable character and shitting all over her, while allowing her to be legitimately funny, really IS the best way to rehabilitate her with viewers. I don't know about you, but I HATED Lemon last season and this season I am totally rooting for her. A lot of the credit for that goes to Jaime King, who has improved markedly between seasons, but also they have really figured out how to write her. ANYWAY. I want some grog now.
Cyrano
Somehow, George ends up having the Cyrano Tim Matheson's breakup with LBB, and while wearing a furry hat, no less.
SMACK
But LBB recognizes Wade's patented Compliment Sandwich Breakup Speech (for example, "You're a beautiful woman. I can no longer continue to see you. You deserve better, because you're so brilliant and accomplished.") and delivers George his second smack across the face at her hands. Scott Porter is getting BEAT UP this season.
Ouch
Maybe if you didn't give such amusing reaction shots, dude.
Fantine
This was the weird scene where Jaime King sang "I Dreamed A Dream" and then Lavon shaved her head.
(By which I mean, the scene where she was an IDIOT and told Lavon that she squealed to Ruby about their romantical past because she wanted to f' with Ruby to get back at her for being such a bitch in high school, INSTEAD of telling him the truth, which is that she still LOVES HIM. LEMON WHY WHY LEMON TELL HIM THE TRUTH LEMON.)
Hilarity
Naturally, Zoe's rage at Wade comes out in her performance as Lavinia Lucius Jeremiah Jones, especially once she finds out that in addition to: losing her car, using her imported French shampoo as laundry detergent, telling everyone in town that she's a "firecracker in the sack," and having Donuts eat her shoes, he ALSO went to a strip club with Meatball. They have a huge (and quite funny) fight -- in character -- that leaves the BlueBellians a bit horrified, but which the Southern Living reporter LOVES. She's decided it's a "realistic" take on a 60-year marriage in Pioneer Times. Not to be nitpicky, but how has Lemon not pointed out that none of these outfits are Pioneer-y as much as they are Revolutionary War-y?
Cute
The good news is, it turns out everyone knows that Lemon helped with the meal (even if Southern Living didn't) and people are hiring AB&L left and right to cater their shizz. It took me twenty minutes to remember that's what happened here, mostly because I was distracted by Lemon's cute cute cute skirt.
Whoops
And Zoe has read to the end of LLJJ's diary, upon which she learned that after 60 years of suppressing irritation at her spouse, she "lost it over a broken wagon wheel." Turns out literally no one else in town ever finished the book -- much like the Seinfeld episode where Kramer watches half of a movie about a dude in a coma and becomes obsessed with his own living will, but never realizes that it's possible for someone to come out of said coma. This show seriously tickles me.
Also, I covet her bag.
Wagon Wheel Crisis Averted
So Zoe and Wade decide to bicker naturally, like the Bickersons that they are, and it's pretty darn cute. And shirtless. Always shirtless. Always, always shirtless.