WHITHER PASTRY?
First of all, the worst thing about this episode is that we did not once see a shot of whatever fresh pastries and delicious fruits Lavon had out on the kitchen island. I feel robbed of my kitchen spread porn. In other news, Wade feels robbed of his actual life-porn -- Zoe has been too busy doctoring people to spend any naked time with him.
Lavon's Hats
Lavon is all squirrelly and be-hatted because he and AB slept together and now she's acting weird. Because he doesn't know that she knows that Lemon still loves him, and in fact, he also doesn't know that Lemon still loves him. This is about to get messy, Lavon: Hold onto that hat.
Roots
AB notes later in the episode that her hair is her best feature, and it is fantastic. And it looks cute here, but you can also tell that the auburn rinse on it is growing out, because the tips and the pompadour are totally different colors. (I have been there.)
Meanwhile....
Over at the Butter Stick, Land of Chintz Lady Blouses, Lemon and Magnolia are still being nice to Laura Bell Bundy whilst secretly planning her ouster from Brick's life. This week, there is all this blah blah blah about Brick's birthday party, but I want to assure you that, in fact, Brick and LBB end this episode still going strong, which pleases me because she is secretly really funny on this show, and having her interact with Magnolia and Lemon is never not a good time.
Pencil Skirts!
Zoe, after saving the entire town from the flu, is really riding high on how popular that has made her -- which is one of the reasons she is neglecting poor Wade. So she really can't resist it when AB comes to confess her sins, i.e: that she's slept with Lavon despite knowing that Lemon still loves him. In fairness, that IS good gossip. In other news, AB's little skirt is really cute.
Gossip Bests Sex?
Zoe decides that she needs to help AB workshop telling Lemon about her tryst with Lavon, so she texts Wade to tell him that their romantical plans are going to need to be put on pause. I would just like to point out how bizarro it is that this is apparently the first time Zoe has texted Wade, who gets neither a last name or capital letters in her contacts list. It seems unrealistic that there are no texts here about, like, what underwear she's got on, or whether or not Wade has an beer in the fridge.
More Blouses
At least her top is cute. Speaking of cute, this dude at the bar is Lemon's cousin Orange (not his real name), who is hot for AB and also a doctor and of course attractive and charming because there is not a dude in this town who is, like, a hideous slacker sleezebag.
Headbands
I wish they wouldn't make Lemon wear headbands. She isn't Blair Waldorf.
SEE?
She's better than this.
Awkward
Additionally, what season is it in BlueBell right now? Last week, everyone was wearing coats, and this week AB is wearing this (kind of not great) strapless number all around town during the day. Here, she is being squirrelly on the phone w. Lavon vis a vis the hot hot sex they had. She's got a very bad case of crushing Friend Guilt.
Scott Porter Is All Alone
Poor Scott Porter had to co-star with a dog this week. It's Tansy's dog Dolly Parton, whom he agrees to watch while she is at....something...and who he then loses. Don't worry, he eventually finds Dolly Parton and woos her back into safety by singing "Jolene" to her, and then he and Tansy discuss that she has had a terrible history with men leaving her and generally treating her terribly (presumably including her ex-husband Wade in this generalization), and he assures her he's going to be good to her and then they make out and yay for George.
Honestly
I am beginning to worry that the costumers hate AB. She is so cute and this is not her best look. Also, she is in a cocktail dress while Lemon is in a sweater her granny knitted: What is happening with the weather patterns in Alabama???
Polka Dots!
Zoe's skirt here is adorable; also, she and Wade are supposed to leave town for some romantic QT, but Brick doesn't want her to take the weekend off because HE gets the weekend off because it's his birthday. They end up both getting the weekend off because Tangerine Breeland offers to be Doctor in Residence.
Shirtless
Here's Scott Porter shirtless, talking to a dog.
Shirtless II: Shirtless Boogaloo
And here is Scott Porter, shirtless, putting on pants.
Can You Hear Me Now?
Zoe can't handle the fact that she can't check in on her patients/get the town gossip while she's up at Romantical Weekend Cabin, which leads to her rushing out on an increasingly irritated Wade to stand at the top of the closest local hill to get reception to take all her phone calls about issues ranging from swollen ankles to the Lavon/AB drama.
Obviously
And then obviously she ends up falling down said hill and into a bunch of mud. Amusingly, Zoe points out to Wade later that this always looks "zany" in the movies, but it is NOT so zany feeling in real life. Which was cute. This show IS always cute.
Matchy Matchy Shoes, AB
"AB, I love you."
"Lemon loves you. I love Lemon."
"I don't think I love Lemon. Lemon loves me?"
"I think Lemon loves you."
"..."
"..."
"Okay, let me tell Lemon that even if she loves you, I also want to nail you and then let's see how it goes."
"Good luck with that."
One of those lines actually happened.
SHENANIGANS
In which Lemon finds out that Magnolia was plotting to humiliate LBB by springing a surprise party on Brick involving LBB jumping out of a cake, and makes her put the brakes on the whole scheme. But brakes will not be put on it! This surprise party rolls onward, despite the best efforts of Magnolia and her outfit, which seriously might be the worst outfit I have EVER SEEN on this show.
JOLEEEEENE
In which Scott Porter sings to a dog.
SURPRISE
So, Zoe hears that "everyone" is going down to the doctor's office that weekend, and she gets all worked up that she is losing her patient fanbase and so she leaves Wade at their Romantical Mountain Cabin Without Cell Service and bursts in and makes this whole speech about how she can't believe how FICKLE their affections are and how quickly and easily they have transferred them to Kumquat Breeland and then obviously Brick arrives and they all scream SURPRISE and she makes the following face:
Hee
It was pretty funny.
FEVER
Then this happens. And instead of it being totally humiliating for LBB and something that turns off all of Brick's patients, everyone LOVES her routine and Brick announces that she's girlfriend and everyone claps and Magnolia and Lemon are hoist once again on their own petard, even though they did try to retract said petard.. I don't know why anyone thought this performance would go over poorly. Have any of these people BEEN to BlueBell? BlueBell LOVES performances and costumes and snacks and delightful shenanigans. Any party that involves someone hopping out of pastry is going to be a hit!
Citrus Breeland
Zoe's jacket is cute; Grapefruit Breeland is ALSO cute. I have no idea if he is going to be sticking around as someone's love interest, but this show is full-up on love triangles, so despite the fact that they've announced that he's warm for AB's Form, I kind of hope that he turns out to be gay and ends up in love triangle with Carl Winslow and Some Hot Gay BlueBell Resident to be Named Later (BlueBell is full of hot straight single dudes, so I can only imagine that their gay community is similarly hot and single).
It's Gold, Jerry, Gold!
You needed to know what Lemon was wearing whilst watching her father get seduced by his much younger girlfriend. I both think it is ABSURD and ridiculous and I sort of love it very much. I also am glad that Lemon was wearing something so dramatic when AB told her that she slept with Lavon. Lemon did not take this news very well, as you can imagine. She doesn't go Season One Crackpot Salt The Earth And Kill Them All Lemon, but basically tells AB that she just kinda ruined their friendship. And I am actually kind of Team Lemon on this one. I mean, I am Team Both Of Them -- you don't own another person, and Lemon should give AB her blessing, especially since she is dating The Orthodontist, BUT AB also knows that Lemon was madly in love with Lavon and might still be in love with him, and even if Lavon doesn't still love Lemon (as he claims), sleeping with your bestie's True Love is going to cause a lot of unhappiness. Chicks before dicks, man. As delightful as Lavon is. Which is why AB goes to Lavon and tells him she can't date him until she makes things right with Lemon, because AB is a good friend, and this show is really good at throwing believable complications into romantic relationships.
SEXY TIME
SO, Zoe decides to make up her Sex Absence to Wade via...Sex Presence, in this cute lace robe. UNTIL:
Poor Lavon
Lavon needs help eating his feelings. Here is my question: WHY IS LAVON EATING BAG DONUTS? Has he SEEN his kitchen? His kitchen is ALWAYS FULLY STOCKED FOR EATING ONE'S FEELINGS.
Feelings Eatings
Poor Lavon. I'll date you. Call me.