I said I wasn’t gonna lose my head
Wade, in an attempt to win a $20,000 Battle of the Bands prize to fund his bar, has started a new band called MIND FACE with his friend Meatball. George agrees with Zoe that MIND FACE is "a confounding name" and Scott Porter has a kind of great moment where he tries to explain that he thought it meant, like, "mind your face," as in "watch out for your face." Scott Porter is actually a genius of comic timing, you guys, which should not be a surprise given his AMAZINGNESS with Hugh Grant in "Pop! Goes My Heart," which I will never not link to. ANYWAY, Zoe is hella supportive of Wade's band.
But then pop! Goes my heart.
Lavon, despite being dressed in a tux and heading off to marry a couple in the military by proxy, informs AB that he has GIVEN UP ON LOVE. So had Hugh Grant, Lavon. And then pop went his heart. So watch out for that.
(Pop! Goes my heart)
AB can't deal with Lavon's hotness in that tux, is the subtext here. The actual text is that Lemon is still really mad at her, and she's sad. The thing is, I feel empathy for AB here, but also if I were Lemon and my best friend slept with the man I was madly in love with, I would not react well to that. I am Team Lemon, with a few caveats. I am also team AB's Dress, though.
I wasn’t gonna fall in love again
Cricket here doesn't know why Lemon and AB are on the outs, but she's willing to help AB try and make things right by arranging a variety of "accidental" run-ins. Lemon, on the other hand, is spending all her time with Hot Orthodontist Whose Name I Don't Remember And Don't Need to Learn Because He Broke Up With Her For Coming On Too Strong.
But then pop! Goes my heart
Zoe really embraces being a groupie for MIND FACE (until she hears them), up to and including wearing a MIND FACE tee that prompts this reaction from George. I think this George could ALSO be an intern here at GFY.
(Pop! Goes my heart)
I will never stop posting screen grabs of Scott Porter's reaction shots.
And I just caaaaaan’t let you gooooo
So, Lemon isn't spending the weekend with the Ortho Who's About to Dump Her, and she's avoiding AB and therefore Cricket and Brick and LLB are out of town, and she can't hang out with George and she hates Zoe, so she is walking around Brick's house misting his plants and looking really cute in this dress all by her lonesome. Until Magnolia gets sent home from a choir trip for misbehaving and she gloms onto her.
I can’t lose this feeling!
While Lemon -- who needs new friends -- is glomming onto the weekend activities of a 15 year old, Tansy and George and Zoe go to watch MIND FACE practice. You can tell how great they are NOT by these facial expressions, and I must say, they are HILARIBAD. There is some really aggressive cow bell happening, and Meatball is singing in something he calls COUNTRY GROWL. There is a death metal influence.
Let’s fly so high. Will you come with me tonight?
Meanwhile, Tom and Wanda -- Tonda? Wam? -- are the proxies for the wedding Lavon is performing, and this makes Tom decide he needs to propose to Wanda. He ropes Lavon into this, despite Lavon having sworn off love in the wake of his ruined relationship with Ruby and the whole AB thing. This is because Lavon LOVES LOVE and also because he hasn't been getting enough kitchen pastry lately.
In your dress I confess you’re the sole sunlight.
Zoe decides that if Wade has any hope of winning the Battle of the Bands, Meatball has to go, and George needs to step in. She is wearing a cute shirt when she makes this decision. Wade doesn't really take her critique seriously and is actually a little patronizing about it.
The way you shine in the starry skies.
Meanwhile, Lemon has bought this dress for Magnolia despite the fact that she called it "something you would see on Rihanna's backup dancer."
YOU ARE GOLD
She has also gone and dyed her hair purple. I think Lemon is having a life crisis.
AND
Wade does end up firing Meatball -- who takes it POORLY, calling him "Wade Can-SELL OUT!" -- and getting together with George for the Battle of the Bands, and they're good. Look at these excited ladies in the audience!
SIIILLLVEEEER
Meanwhile, AB is still stalking Lemon, wearing her Hideous Yet Cute coat. Lemon finally figures out that they're using Cricket's phone to track her -- long story -- and basically tells them to butt out. Again, I am Team Lemon here. When you have done something that your friend is angry about, it generally makes sense to give that friend some space to cool out. BACK DOWN, ANNA BETH.
I said I wasn’t gonna lose my head...
Lavon arranges a big dramatic proposal for Towanda, but overhears Wanda telling someone that Tom proposing to her will ruin everything, so he has to run out to the town square -- where Tom is coming to terms with his crippling fear of horses -- to put the kibosh.
But then pop! Goes my heart
Then Tom gets dragged by a horse. Poor Tom.
(Pop! Goes my heart)
At least Lemon was wearing this great dress when she got dumped and then came home to find out that Magnolia snuck out to go to Battle of the Bands.
I wasn’t gonna fall in love again....
Meanwhile, to show how supportive she is of his band, and his plan to open this bar, Zoe has bought this for Wade. He is pretty ungracious about it and totally wigs out on her. I get that she is putting too much pressure on him -- in his mind -- but he is also being a total manchild PitA about this and needs to sack up and not be such a baby.
But then pop! Goes my heart.
Magnolia, you might not have been turned away from the door if you didn't look like you decided to recreate an under-age tribute to Goldfinger. At least this shook Lemon out of being The Cool Friend and back into being The Older Sister.
(Pop! Goes my heart)
Sooooooo, the reason Wanda didn't want Tom to propose was because SHE wanted to propose to him, via a Zombie Flash Mob, singing "Islands in the Stream." Which was INSANE and kind of sweet but also INSANE and kind of too much information about Tom and Wanda.
And I just can’t let you go....
But it did give us these delighted expressions from Zoe and Lavon, which I will always treasure.
I can’t lose this feeling!
Back at the bar, Wade got wasted, fired George, re-hired Meatball, and totally tanked the Battle of the Bands. And possibly went home with this girl. WADE I AM SO MAD AT YOU RIGHT NOW.
A twist of fate makes life worthwhile...
Here, I just wanted you to see that the brand of beer they drink on HoD is called BEER.
You are gold! AND SILVER!
And, finally, because the zombies awaken Lavon's dead heart, he comes over to see AB, who is supposed to be in her robe and yet still has false lashes and a full eye on. He tells her that he knows she has this "girl code," but HE'LL WAIT. Then everyone swooned.