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SHORTS

Okay, I'm only going to say this once: these particular formal shorts on Bilson are pretty cute. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

PANTS

I can not say the same for Lemon's high-waisted pants.

PANTS

Even Jason Street is like, "WHOA. WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING WITH THOSE TROUSERS, KATE HEPBURN?"

BLOUSES

Sorry for the photo quality, here. I really should take these shots at night, but sitting at home in a dark living room with the shades drawn taking pictures of the TV is depressing. What doesn't depress me is the color of AnnaBeth's cute top.

SKIRTS!

I actually love this blouse. Almost as much as I love Jason Street's WTF face.

DANCE!

...and his Victory in Pictionary touchdown dance.

SWEATERS

I enjoy that they dress Hot Dr Jordan The Vet With the Wandering Wang like a J Crew model.

DOTS!

I hate this top, but it's very Lemon -- I mean, don't get me wrong. I love a blouse. Love one! But white satin blouses just feel like grist for the Oxy-Clean mill. On the other hand, who doesn't love a polka-dotted skirt? I'm not made of stone, you guys.

TONGUE

Oh, Hot Neighbor Wade. Stop making out with trampy girls in Lavon's nice kitchen in front of poor Zoe and DECLARE YOURSELF TO HER.

BORED NOW.

See? You're not even enjoying the making out.

HATS

I must say, this scene -- wherein Zoe is role-playing Lemon to help AnnaBeth with Confidence Coping Skills -- was seriously really good. Rachel Bilson's imitation of Jamie King is DEAD ON. Bonus points for the hat.

PONCHO

And this seriously might be the worst outfit Lemon has EVER EVER worn. It is TERRIBLE. She looks like a seven hundred year-old bridesmaid in a wedding in 1973 who was freeze-dried and only recently reconstituted. I wouldn't anoint her Memory Matron either.

SUNGLASSES

I appreciate that Dr Zoe Hart knows how to dress for an event where you are surveilling your Secret Friend to make sure she stands up for herself....

WINE!

...and knows how to drink up when said Secret Friend doesn't announce loud and proud that she likes you. Poor Zoe. I'LL be your friend. I have problems with your shorts, but I really like you. And I have thoughts about which of the men in your life you ought to start nailing. Plus, I too dislike Lemon. So call me.

Fug the Show: Hart of Dixie recap, episode 12
Heather pointed out to me yesterday that I begin every one of these fug-caps with an expression of sincere surprise that the show is so charming. And I AM surprised, every week! I don't know WHY I am surprised at this point, but I still am. But it's a DELIGHTFUL surprise! Anyway, this week, Dr Zoe Hart is acting SUPER happy, and Hot Neighbor Wade is pretty sure it's because she's getting laid. ("JT is single now," he mournfully tells Mayor Lavon Hayes when they're trying to figure out who Zoe's SECRET LOVER might be. "I'm pretty sure it's not Justin Timberlake," Lavon tells him.) BUT! She's so happy because she actually she has a secret FRIEND: AnnaBeth, the centerpiece of last week's Lemon Cursed Our Uteruses plotline. AnnaBeth loves Zoe because she's not an uptight harridan who needs seriously therapeutic intervention, the way Lemon is (I might be editorializing a tad). And Lemon is currently acting being EXTRA crazy because blah blah blah Small Town Ladies Club Appointment of Great Importance Something or Other. So, Zoe, during her secret friend assignations with AnnaBeth, basically teaches AB to have a spine and stick up for herself to Lemon. Which AB does, and in doing so manages via the power of her refreshing sass to get HERSELF appointed Whatever Whatever Blah Southern Yada in Lemon's stead. And then AB friend-breaks up with Zoe, because now that's she Head Honcho of Whatever, she can't be Zoe's friend publicly -- which Zoe demanded, as she realized she was basically "the mistress" in this situation -- because Zoe is unpopular, or something. I hope AnnaBeth snaps out of this at some point, because she's cute, and I like that actress, and she owes it to Zoe to be her friend in public. ANYWAY, yadda yadda yadda, there are some shenanigans that you don't need to really know about that end with: Zoe saving AnnaBeth from Lemon revealing their secret friendship DESPITE the fact that AB doesn't really deserve it, and in the course of said rescue, making out with That Hot Vet Who Slept With Her Friend From NYC and ZING there are sparks and now Zoe and the Hot Vet are TOTALLY doing it, to the great dismay of Hot Neighbor Wade, who is, as we all know, TOTALLY HOT FOR ZOE, but won't tell her so and instead drowns his sorrows in trashy girls. SIGH. JUST TALK TO EACH OTHER, KIDS. All this, plus Jason Street's hilarious Victory Dance....WITHIN!

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