"Picture It. Sicily, 1916..."

Did I mention that hardly anyone changed their outfits this week? I like Zoe's coat. I also think George is subconsciously matching his ties to Lavon's pants. I don't know what that means, but on Passions, it would have meant they were having an affair. And also that they'd eventually learn they were half-siblings, causing one of them to enter a nunnery and also maybe to go blind for a couple of weeks. (This actually happened on Passions. One of the people involved was a woman, but the dude in question eventually cheated on her with a man who was also a woman who then fathered his own child...I think. That got confusing. I am CERTAIN that will happen in Bluebell eventually.)

"I'm Dreamy"

Justin Hartley is both cute and also married to a Passions co-star with whom he had a short-lived but sassy relationship on the show. I am happy that was the only thing that happened to him on Passions that he decided to translate to his real life, especially given that his character's father murdered his aunt with a poisoned wedding ring. Well, she faked her death and got dug out of a cemented over-grave, eventually -- before getting amnesia in the Bermuda Triangle and then recovering but pretending she hadn't because to own her own memories would make her husband's brain fog explode-- but you know what I mean. Shit got real. Keep flexing that bicep, dude. Just. Keep. Flexing.

Lemon

Lemon seriously has been wearing a coat ALL THE TIME in the last several episodes. If she starts hiding behind bushes and/or boxes, I'm going to start Bump Watch, because it's weird. WHY so many coats, Lemon? What time of year is it supposed to even BE in Bluebell? I guess I assumed Bluebell was in the same weather zone as Dawson's Creek's Capeside, where there IS no winter.

However...

On the other hand, her make-up has been FANTASTIC lately.

HNW

Now that Justin Hartley's in town, I am kind of over HNW. Even if he does have a way with an olive and a sweatshirt.

Covetable

I REALLY like Zoe's doctor bag. Of course, she can extra get away with it because she is a doctor. Do they make a blogger bag?

"HELLO LOVER"

Ahem. From the Wikipedia Passions wormhole: "Together, Julian (this is prior to the time Fox's ex's crazy daughter cut off Julian's penis and then Julian's hermaphrodite child drugged Eve, the town's only surgeon, into sewing it back on backwards so that an erection would be fatal THIS SERIOUSLY HAPPENED - J) and Fox pretend that Fox is dying of a terminal brain ailment, and Julian hires [the town scuzzbucket] to run Fox over with Miguel's car in an attempt to frame Miguel [Migel is, of course, Jesse Metcalf]. Miguel is sentenced to life imprisonment for the attempted murder, and Julian makes a deal with Kay [Fox's lady] to have Miguel released if she promises not to leave Fox. Julian and Fox's plan falls apart, however, when Ivy [Fox's mom, who once stopped a wedding by driving her car into a church] accidentally tells Kay and Miguel that Fox is not really dying." WHOOPS. Seriously, this is on topic, though, because what was this HoD episode really about if not TELLING PEOPLE THINGS? Exactly. Also, this show needs more backwards wangs and car crashes. Maybe someone can drug Zoe.

Cute

My favorite tertiary character Annabeth looks SO CUTE, right? I love that dress.

Dudes

This, Jason Street's bachelor party, cracks me up. Lavon looks straight out of a J Crew catalog. Jason Street is clearly depressed. HNW looks like he rolled out of his log pile. And WHO IS GLASSES OVER THERE? This is what happens when you write a bachelor party storyline and realize your poor bachelor only has like two friends. WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE CALL TIM RIGGINS? He is great at bachelor parties. At the least, he knows some strippers and did some time in the joint and has a wounded sexiness that transcends this mortal plane.

Party Bus

What I want for MY bachelorette party is Justin Hartley in a themed tee-shirt.

Shirtlessness

Far be it from me to spare you any moment of shirtlessness.

Pants!

I actually think Zoe looks adorable. I have a long history of approving of red pants, and these are no exception. I did, however, just notice that Lemon is wearing white tights. GIRL. You're not a nurse in Pearl Harbor anymore.

Sad clown

...at least you have this bitching party bus.

Fug the Show: Hart of Dixie recap, episode 18

Apologies for the tardiness of this fug-cap. I jacked up my left wrist -- I am left-handed -- and typing has been curiously painful and horrifying in the way in the way I only generally expect from those sections of Real Housewives reunions where everyone is screaming at dog-whistle pitch. If this gets all terse toward the end, just imagine me holding my arm and making that face from Munch's The Scream. The being said: THIS EPISODE WAS THE CUTEST. As Fug Friend Jen said to me, it was a non-stop charm attack, and Justin Hartley -- who showed up as Hot Neighbor Wade's brother/Zoe's 11th viable love interest -- was the Mayor of Charmsville. If there is a serious issue with Hart of Dixie, it's that Rachel Bilson's character could conceivably hook up with any number of dudes, but to date, there has been NO MAKING OUT. START MAKING OUT, SHOW. Here's what happened: Jason "George" Street was having his bachelor party, but he just saw Lavon and Lemon kissing so he was full of angst and suspicions. Blah blah blah, HE BROKE IT OFF WITH LEMON! (She has vowed, a la Scarlett O'Hara, to get him back, but...we'll see what happens there. She and Lavon have to be the end game, right? She SHOULD be with a man who has a multitude of pastel pants, PLUS he's the mayor, which makes them a total power couple.) Justin Hartley -- who of course will always be Fox Crane of Passions to me (that Wiki page includes the phrase, "Their happiness is cut tragically short, however, when Fox is shot in the chest on September 7 and dies following the move from NBC to DirecTV," like the network change was an actual plot point)-- showed up and was AWESOME and HNW didn't care for him getting all flirty with Zoe and then acted like a TOTAL ASS to both of them because he's a child. A dreamy child. Whose dreaminess is sort of faltering next to Justin Hartley (sorry, HNW. Try taking your shirt off). Oh, and George is REALLY mad at Zoe for not telling him she knew about Lemon and Lavon, but I suspect he will get over it. There was also a stripper, a funny throughline about edible underwear (Magnolia The Only Marginally Useful Sister planned the bachelorette party), and did I mention that I am in love with Justin Hartley? I did, right? Just making sure. Let's look at outfits.